


Innocuous

by shinigami2174



Category: YiZhan/ZhanYi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boy Love, Casual Sex, Depression, Falling In Love, Gay Sex, Hook-Up, M/M, No Strings Attached, One Night Stand, Suicide Attempt, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami2174/pseuds/shinigami2174
Summary: It was supposed to be a harmless one-night stand, a hook-up of no consequence. Until it wasn't.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan/Wang Yi Bo
Comments: 207
Kudos: 308





	1. Save A Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Save a Prayer by Duran Duran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk_PYLVKLCk)

Summer break was coming to an end and the new school semester loomed on the horizon. This would be his final year at the Uni, he was excited about that, but right now he had other things on his mind.

He lay on his bed, both hands behind his nape, looking at his bedroom’s ceiling both aimlessly and fixatedly at the same time. A pointless dichotomy that was taking him nowhere. It was like the ceiling held all the answers to the universe’s secrets, but of course it wasn’t the case. 

He was overthinking and he knew it, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop. He was weighing his decision with a seriousness that was not needed at all. It wasn’t like he was looking for a life partner or a lifelong commitment, it was quite the opposite in fact. 

But this was going to be his first time doing so anyway, he guessed it was completely normal to be kind of jittery. He had been without a sexual partner for more than six months now, so his body reminded him he had an itch that needed to be scratched. 

In the past, he had hook-ups occasionally, just when opportunity presented itself, but he had never actually set out to look for one. This time, he had a real intent to find someone to have sex. It was as simple as that, and yet, he realized it was not that simple for him. 

Sure, he had never been in a serious relationship, which theoretically would make this idea easier to carry on. In fact, he had never been in any kind of romantic relationship. His _boyfriends_ –and he was using this word in a very loose sense- had accompanied him in his self-discovery journey, there had been sexual attraction, camaraderie, and common interests for sure, but never love.

There were no moral issues preventing him from having sex without love, it was more that he was afraid of the unknown. Maybe, deep down, he was afraid of rejection, he thought. All his previous hook-ups had been the product of spontaneity, so he had never been aware of rejection feasibility. 

Rationally, he knew he was not disgusting to look at. He considered himself good looking even. Some of his boyfriends had called him handsome, even beautiful. Maybe he was just being stupid and a sissy. 

He had reached an almost meditative state when he noticed it was getting dark. Night was falling, red hues filtered through his bedroom window indicating it was time to decide, so he needed to man up and do just that. In the end, he chose to pursue his intent and go to the Mix and Mingle party tonight.

The Mix and Mingle party had been born out of very ingenious joke crafted by the Biology Department’s nerds. It was first held on June 23rd, five years ago to commemorate Dr. Alfred Kinsey’s birthday. Since it was the anniversary of the father of Sexology, things naturally progressed from there.

The now infamous Mix and Mingle party had very different connotations. It was an itinerant party, held once a month where students of his University went to find a suitable person to hook up. Everything went, as long as it was safe and consensual. 

Snapping out of his reverie, he got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Droplets of warm water traveled down his body, cleaning and caressing the expanse of his unblemished skin at the same time. They, however, did nothing to soothe his nerves.

Feeling a sudden need for a smoke, he got out of the shower. Now he knew he was veritably nervous. He was not a smoker per se, but when nervousness got ahold of him, a cigarette was the only thing that could effectively calm him down.

He toweled himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. Looking at his reflection in the vanity mirror, he smiled. This would go well, he could feel it in his bones. He wanted nothing but release. Discretion was already a given at the Mix and Mingle party, so he was not worried about it.

Walking slowly towards his closet, he picked some non-descript clothes, trying to avoid anything too flashy. In general, his boy next door look would make him seem approachable even if some people found him beautiful. He made friends easily so he was hoping his wholesome charm would get him what he was looking for tonight. 

Taking his time to dress with a simple button up and semi-formal trousers that encased his long legs perfectly, he declared himself almost ready, he just needed to fix his hair to be good to go. Styling his hair, in a simple but favorable way, he smiled satisfied with his look. He splashed some of his favorite cologne on his neck before going out, he was finally good to go.

Initially, he took his car keys, but eventually he decided against it. There was a possibility of him having a drink, so it was better to be responsible and just use a cab. That way he wouldn’t be so concerned about alcohol consumption. 

He hailed a cab and soon one of them stopped in front of him. He gave the driver the address and skimmed through his messages in his cellphone, trying to distract himself. They arrived at the place sooner than he had expected, it didn’t matter now. He paid the fare and descended from the vehicle.

A luminous sign caught his attention, it was a convenience store. He felt some kind of relief at the sight of it. Leisurely, he walked in its direction, the need to get some cigarettes returning in full force.

As soon as he entered the store, a female clerk with a previously bored look on her face stood in attention, eying him with a mix of curiosity and hunger. He had been at the receiving end of such stares before, they never failed to make him uncomfortable so he wanted to finish his business there as soon as possible.

He approached her and asked for a pack of his favorite cigarettes’ brand, some matches and a package of mints. He was thoughtful enough of his potential partner for the night, so bad breath was a no.

She rang him up, speaking to him in a smarmy voice that grated on his nerves. It was not only that he had never found women attractive at all, it was the fakeness of this one. Her cheap perfume made him nauseous, he wondered if it was just the perfume or the combination of it with the smell of her skin. He practically ran out of the store trying to stop himself from retching.

Breathing slowly and deeply once he was outside, he managed to control his nausea. He reached the corner of the street, he was finally feeling better. The given address for the party was in sight, but he felt no haste to go there. Besides, being fashionably late always got people’s attention.

Deciding on smoking one cigarette before arriving to the party, he opened the pack and took one out, putting it in his mouth, he lit it with one of the matches and inhaled slowly, letting the smoke fill his lungs to calm his anxiousness. 

Exhaling slowly, he let his lips form a silent o. He got entranced observing the wisps of smoke leaving his own mouth. He was much calmer now. He decided to enjoy his guilty pleasure to the end and dispose the rest of the cigarette pack in the nearest trash can as soon as he was finished. He rested his back on the nearest wall and flexed his left leg to rest his sole on the same wall.

He was distracted, looking at the horizon, unaware of the shadows that the nearest streetlamp cast upon his face. It was maybe due to said shadows that he hadn’t seen him coming. His presence was felt before he was seen. 

A strong scent invaded his nostrils, it was a masculine fragrance mixed with the smell of the smoke he was inhaling. Instinctively, he turned towards the source of the smell and saw him for the first time.

His breath hitched, that man was breathtaking. He was slightly shorter than him, the lite frame of his well-toned body showed through his simple clothes. If he looked like that wearing just jeans and a t-shirt, he couldn’t imagine what he looked like in formal attire. His stance was poised and his eyes gazed at him intensely. He stood beside him and asked him in a low voice. “Can I take a drag?” He shock the pack to make a cigarette stand out for the man to take it, but he ignored the offering. 

Instead, he move his right hand, reaching out to grab the cigarette from his hand, brought it to his lips and took a puff. Well, that had been unexpected, he straightened himself as a reaction. He hadn’t arrive at the party yet and this –he could easily say celestial being, but it would be so corny- enticing man was hitting on him, and he wasn’t being subtle at all.

“Are you going to the party?” The newcomer asked him after giving him his cigarette back.

“That was my plan,” he answered sincerely. There was something about this gorgeous man that made it impossible to conceal anything from him at the moment. 

“It isn’t anymore?” the man questioned him arching one of his eyebrows in an inquisitive gesture. He looked openly interested in his answer.

“It depends,” he let out, it wasn’t a yes. He left the open answer hanging between them. It was an opening and he was sure the man would notice it. 

“On what?” the stranger insisted. It didn’t seem like subtlety was one of his strong traits.

He could have answered ‘on you’, but he didn’t want to come on too strong with his flirting. In the past, a little modesty had paid off for him. He hoped this would be the case. He choose to divert the conversation instead. “Are you also going to the party?” he prodded.

“Actually no. I just came to drop my friend over there.”

Of course, he thought. A man like him obviously didn’t need to attend that kind of party to get some. How foolish of him to think otherwise.

“I see,” he commented. He could not deceive himself and say he wasn’t disappointed. Such a shame!

He flicked his cigarette and started walking away from him. The night was still young and he had plans so, he’d better move. He didn’t expect a hand on his shoulder, trying to stop him without a violent intent.

“Do you…want to go somewhere else?” the man startled him. Now this was an open proposition. How would he respond to that? He wasn’t certain. 

“Are you a student at the Uni?” He was so tempted, but he knew absolutely nothing about him. He had planned to look for somebody at the party, not in the middle of the street. 

“Mn, I’m about to start my senior year. What about you?”

“Me too. Also about to start my senior year. What’s your major?” He dared to ask.

“Civil Engineering. Yours?” The shorter man answered.

“Architecture.”

“You never really answered me,” the man insisted. There was something about his straightforward demeanor that made him very attractive.

“About?”

“Going somewhere else,” he kept on.

“I don’t know you.”

“I don’t know you either, but that’s exactly the point. Isn’t it?” Well, the beautiful stranger had a way with words. Something in his gut told him this could be fantastic, something in his brain warned him to beware. In the end, he just went for it. Fuck it! Let’s do this.

“How should I call you?” that was his acceptance.

“Wang Yi Bo,” the handsome stranger answered.

“I’m Xiao Zhan,” he informed Yi Bo looking into his eyes. Adrenaline started pumping into his system. This was truly unexpected. Well, he hadn’t known what to expect to begin with. He had just wanted to get laid tonight. He had no other plans.

Yi Bo acknowledged his answer with a slight movement of his head. His eyes looked like he wanted to bore his way into Zhan’s mind, which he was successfully achieving. Zhan found himself unable to keep his own eyes on Yi Bo’s. He ducked his head and sighed. With some resignation, he surrendered, giving up any pretense of resistance.

“Where to?”

“Anywhere. Do you want to dance?”

The question threw him off-balance. He had never been particularly inclined to dancing, but he didn’t hate it. So, sure why not?

“If you want to…” he would let Yi Bo to decide on this. “I’m not a good dancer.”

Yi Bo’s expression was conveying that it was totally beside the point. They weren’t going to perform in a dance recital after all. It made Zhan feel kind of silly. He reflected briefly on the situation. To him, this situation had a spectrum of possible outcomes. On one end, he was about to get fucked brainless. On the other end, he was about to get murdered. Anything in between could be either awful or okay. 

Tonight he was either fearless or utterly stupid, “Where?” 

“I know a club. Discretion is guaranteed, of course.”

So Yi Bo wasn’t out, just like him. Sometimes being the only son of his parents was a heavy load on Zhan’s shoulders. It was not like they had ever expressed any homophobic ideas at all. It was merely an assumption on his part what made him hesitate. But still…he was not ready yet. He didn’t know anything about Yi Bo beside his name –assuming it was his real name- so he wouldn’t pretend to know his reasons.

“Lead on,” Zhan told Yi Bo.

“My car is parked this way,” Yi Bo started walking expecting Zhan to follow him.

“You drove here?” Zhan was genuinely surprised. “I rode a cab.”

“I told you, I just came to drop a friend. I didn’t intend to go to a party tonight,” you were not part of my plans was the true meaning of Yi Bo’s words.

Yi Bo stopped next to a navy blue AUDI A8. That was an expensive car, and he knew exactly how expensive it was since his own was sitting in his parent’s garage, it had been his birthday present. He rarely drove it because it felt ostentatious. Bo clicked the control to disarm the alarm system and opened the door of the passenger side for Zhan.

That simple act spoke volumes to Zhan. Yi Bo had the manners of a well-raised child. Silently, he got into the car and Yi Bo closed his door. The silence within the car felt heavy, so Zhan asked the first thing that came to his mind.

“Do you frequent that club?”

“Not really. I’ve been there several times with my friends though.”

Do you hook up often? Was what Zhan really wanted to ask, but it would be totally rude. It might even sound like he was passing judgment on Yi Bo’s behavior, which clearly was not happening. He had no moral ground to do so, and it wasn’t his business either.

As it turned out, the club was relatively near the location the party was taking place. Yi Bo stopped the car in front of the valet parking station and descended the car. His intention of opening the door for Zhan was clear, but this time Zhan had beaten him descending the car on his own.

The valet took Bo’s key and drove the car. Zhan stood in front of the building taking in the image. He had half expected a grim-looking place. On the contrary, the club was well lit with a modern décor. It was clearly not a gay club. 

Yi Bo put his hand of the small of Zhan’s back, a gentle touch with the purpose of guiding him inside the club. Its effect on Zhan however, was anything but meaningless. Yi Bo’s hand radiated a warm sensation on Zhan’s skin that traveled along his whole body and found its home in Zhan’s loins. It was not his first touch, and yet, it felt completely different.

Zhan was guided through a series of lounges along a corridor until they reached the place Yi Bo had in mind all along. Same sex couples were the norm there. The image of dancing bodies greeted him. Some couples were dancing keeping a casual distance from each other, some others were practically rubbing their whole body on their partners. It was obvious that nobody gave a shit about the people surrounding them.

Unexpectedly, Yi Bo took his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. He immediately noticed Yi Bo’s graceful moves, the man could dance. He was not a grace-deprived person, but when it came to dancing well, it was not one of his strong points. So he just let go, and his body started following the music instinctively. At some point, he closed his eyes. He seemed to be flowing with the music, he didn’t noticed Yi Bo’s transfixed gaze on him.

A change in rhythm by the DJ made Yi Bo grab a hold of Zhan’s waist. Zhan was startled by the sudden contact of their bodies that made him open his eyes. Yi Bo’s face was so close to his, his eyes darted automatically towards Yi Bo’s lips. Consciously, Yi Bo wiped his tongue along his lips, inviting Zhan who didn’t need to be told twice. His mouth chased Yi Bo’s with a hint of shyness first and then, when he verified that no opposition was presented to his advances, with blatant hunger.

It was the point of no return. Caution was clearly thrown to the wind, or the garbage bin or somewhere else because it clearly was not present there with them. In the middle of a scorching kiss, Zhan remembered he had not use his mints before kissing Yi Bo, and then he tasted his cigarette in Yi Bo’s tongue and forgot about anything that was not Yi Bo’s mouth.

Now he was genuinely turned on, gasping for air, he separated from Yi Bo for a moment just to find Yi Bo’s mouth on his again. Yi Bo seemed determined to kiss any common sense out of his brain. It was working, oh boy how that was working!

The middle of a dance floor was not exactly a private place so in a moment of lucidity he breathed into Bo’s mouth. “Let’s go someplace else.”

Yi Bo’s senses seemed to return to him and nodded. Yi Bo was still holding Zhan’s waist as they navigated among a sea of sweating bodies that were moving along with the music. Some lovers kissed each other with careless abandon, without letting the outside world intrude in their private paradise situated on the very dance floor.

Some other couples were at the brink of undressing each other, mindless of the eyes of the strangers. The laser lights of the venue provided a stroboscopic effect, so those images looked like instant photographs of a controlled pandemonium, if such thing could actually exist.

If Zhan were in a calm state of mind, he would have found this snapshots of reality fascinating and beautiful, he would have even reflected on them, but at the moment, only Yi Bo existed fueling his fire even more. 

After what seemed a long time, they ended up against a wall near the restrooms, in a dim lit corridor where other couples had found refuge from prying eyes. 

Their kiss went on and on, more heated as time passed. Yi Bo’s hands roamed along Zhan’s back, landing on his ass. Zhan felt as if Yi Bo’s touch burned him through his clothes. He had been already half hard on the dance floor, but now he was definitely aroused.

He could feel Yi Bo’s erection rubbing on his thigh through their clothes, he hooked both his thumbs on Yi Bo’s waistband at his back. Somehow, clothes felt unbearably constraining at the moment. Both their hips started moving on their own accord, seeking friction. In a moment of clarity, Zhan remembered this was not the place, and let go of Yi Bo.

“Let’s get out of here, please.”

Yi Bo seemed to regain some self-control and nodded. Grabbing Zhan’s left wrist, he guided him towards the exit. They made a visible effort to keep their hands from each other, allowing themselves just casual touches in front of the valet parking’s employees as they waited for Yi Bo’s car.

They hopped in and Yi Bo started the car immediately. Now a question hung in the air. It was not _if_ they were going to fuck, it was _where_ they were going to fuck.

Zhan didn’t care as long it was a private place. As turned on as he was, public indecency was not in his plans for tonight. A motel rented by the hour would have sufficed, as long as it was tolerably clean and not too sordid. He hadn’t expected to end his night at a five star hotel. Yi Bo hadn’t asked, Zhan thought he should be annoyed about it, but he wasn’t. 

If this wasn’t what it was, a one night stand, he could get accustomed to Yi Bo’s small details. He would make the perfect boyfriend for somebody else, he sighed. Yi Bo had walked over the front desk like he fucking owned that place. The clerk didn’t bat a lash at his request and gave him his cardkey. Zhan had been seated in the lobby, waiting.

“It’s settled now. Let’s go,” Yi Bo told him as soon as he reached him. Zhan nodded dumfounded, and followed him to the elevator’s area. Once the elevator arrived, they entered it and Yi Bo pushed the 11th floor button. The ride was quick and Zhan thanked heavens for small mercies. 

Yi Bo opened the door and let Zhan go in first, such a gentleman Zhan thought. He entered the room and gave it an once-over, it was a luxury suite. He was not impressed by it. He had, after all, been in contact with this kind of lifestyle for as long as he remembered. After the door was closed, Yi Bo’s true colors surfaced. He attacked Zhan’s mouth with the same passion that he had showed at the club. His hands traveled along Zhan’s body without any hesitation. 

Zhan’s desire had not been quelled at all by the time he had to keep his hands off of Yi Bo, if anything, it had soared. Yi Bo’s actions did in fact inflame his thirst as he peppered Zhan’s jaw and neck with burning kisses, eliciting a deep groan from him.

Entangled in each other, they moved towards the ample bed, dimly lit and inviting. Still kissing each other, they kept moving until Zhan’s calves bumped into the bed, and he sat on it expectantly. One look at Yi Bo’s face told him the fire in the pit of his belly was shared by Bo, whose dilated pupils were giving him away. 

As if following a cue, Yi Bo took the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head letting Zhan to admire his torso in all its splendor. Zhan reciprocated slowly unbuttoning his shirt. At some point, his shirt slid off of his left shoulder, leaving it uncovered. 

The view of a small patch of Zhan’s alabaster skin tipped Yi Bo over the edge. Impulsively, he reached for Zhan and kissed his naked shoulder, sending ripples along Zhan’s skin in the process. Yi Bo could not wait anymore and yanked Zhan’s shirt over his head, then he went for Zhan’s trousers, unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper.

Not to be outdone, Zhan unfastened Yi Bo’s jeans, on their own accord, both got rid of their remaining clothes which at the moment were nothing but a nuisance.  
Their naked bodies found each other and moved in perfect synchronicity, touching and grabbing, pulling and pushing, kissing and biting. They didn’t exchange many coherent words, just desperate gasps, low moans, feral groans and some endearing terms that were clearly slips of the tongue.

Zhan decided that a hand job of even a blow job wouldn’t do it for him at that point, so he asked what he needed from Bo, who was more than happy to oblige. Supplies were produced from Zhan’s wallet and put to good use. Once inside Zhan, Bo’s languid thrusts drove Zhan mad with pleasure. He seemed determined to ride on Zhan’s wave of pleasure as long as possible, until Zhan came untouched, then he let go and achieved his own climax.

Pulling out of Zhan’s hot cavern, while Zhan was still trying to regain control of his breathing, he stood up and padded to the bathroom to grab some wet towels, and then he carefully cleaned Zhan up. When he finished Zhan’s clean-up process, he wiped himself thoroughly. 

“Do you want to take a bath? I can draw one for you,” Yi Bo asked Zhan, who just stared at him confused.

As far as Zhan was concerned, one night stands did not work that way. Sure, you could be nice and polite because, you know, you would be behaving like a decent human being, but this…this was confusing. Yi Bo was acting as if he actually _cared_ about Zhan. Like, genuinely cared. It was disconcerting. 

Eventually, Zhan accepted, mainly out of politeness. He was actually relaxed by the bath, it helped to ease out the soreness of his muscles. He stayed as long as the water remained warm and then, he towel himself off and put on his clothes again.

When he got out of the bathroom, Yi Bo was already dressed, and was waiting for him. He had a serene look on his face, which was kind of sweet if somebody asked Zhan.

“Do you want to stay here the whole night?” Yi Bo questioned him. Zhan was surprised by that question, and he was tempted, so tempted. But the new semester would start the day after tomorrow, and he still had some errands to run. Besides it was not the original plan. He had gotten what he came for. It was time to go. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Oh I didn’t mean…I meant you could stay…alone.”

“Thanks, but I really have to go.”

“That’s fine. I’ll drive you.”

“It’s not necessary. I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition. Please.”

Looking at Bo’s earnest expression, he relented. “Okay.”

They left the room, rode the elevator to the lobby and went for a self-check-out, dropping the cardkey at the proper bin. 

Yi Bo’s car was brought swiftly and soon Zhan gave Yi Bo his address. Once they arrived at the front of his building, Zhan opened the passenger’s door and was about to get out when he felt Yi Bo’s hand on his wrist, holding him back.

“Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have your phone number?”

Zhan hesitated. This was not part of his plan. He didn’t want attachments. But Bo had been so nice and polite, that he didn’t find it in his heart to refuse that simple request.

“Sure.” 

They exchanged numbers, which were recorded in their cellphones. Zhan was about to leave when Yi Bo called him again.

“Xiao Zhan,” he spoke. Zhan turned to look at him. Once they were looking at each other, Yi Bo simply said, ”thank you.” And gave him a small bow.

Zhan only managed to bow back. Satisfied, Yi Bo turned his car on and left, leaving a very confused Zhan on the sidewalk.

What the actual fuck? Zhan wondered.


	2. Come Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [ JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Come Undone by Duran Duran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvB-jTBw3tQ)
> 
> Thanks for the kudos! They really encourage me.

The new semester started deceptively slow. Those few days of apparent calm were full of memories for Zhan. Yi Bo’s touch, his scent, the taste of his lips stayed with him, constantly present. They were not exactly unwelcomed, but in Zhan’s mind they were unnecessary. He had gotten what he was looking for, he didn’t need anything else, right? Right?

Self-denial loses its cuteness very quickly and he just didn’t want to accept the underlying disappointment that crept into his mind because Yi Bo hadn’t called him. After all, it had been he who had asked for his phone number. Zhan was definitely not going to call him. But there was this hidden urge, which he refused to acknowledge, that compelled him to call Yi Bo and repeat the whole experience, but that was against the whole concept of a one night stand, right?

Okay, he had to admit, sex with Yi Bo had been mind-blowing, and the best he had ever had. The chemistry they shared, he hadn’t felt it with any other partner. It was a shame, such a shame they had met under those circumstances.

But soon enough, Zhan’s professors did what every college professor always does, they gave him hell in the form of a shitload of projects and papers to submit on a very tight timeframe. So after two weeks, Yi Bo’s memories took residence in the back of his mind and more pressing matters overtook the central stage of his thoughts.

He devoted his time to his projects, which he mainly worked on from home, spending a minimal amount of time at the university. Living alone in his own apartment was a curse and a blessing at the same time. He was a social butterfly, so his chosen solitude sometimes became plain loneliness for him. In times like this, however, with so many projects consuming every single woken minute of his time, it was definitely a blessing.

The mere fact of him living alone was a spoil of the fierce battle he had fought against his own mother. When he was about to enter the Uni, he wanted to live at the dorms, like most students did. His mother refused to see her only child living in _‘such conditions’_ , those were her exact words. She wanted to keep him at home. They fought for months, both of them showing a stubborn streak that was clearly in their shared genes. At the end, a compromise had to be reached in order to avoid permanent damage in their mother-son relationship. His father had taken the extremely uncomfortable position of mediator. So they agreed he would live neither at the dorms nor at home, but alone in an apartment.

Of course, you always need to pay close attention to the smallest print on any contract. His mother tried to outsmart him by buying a luxurious penthouse for him to live in. They had to haggle again. A small one bedroom apartment in the middle of the busiest part of town and a hybrid car were part of their agreement. Zhan had to admit that fighting his mother was exhausting so he relented on using public transportation and accepted a small hybrid car.

An interior decorator was about to get hired to make his apartment _habitable_ , but at that point he drew the line. He told his mother in his kindest words that the only one with a say at how his own home would look like was him, and that matter needed no further discussion.

He went for chic minimalism, using a neutral palette where soft grey, white and beige dominated the spaces. Furniture was sparse and made of wood in its natural tones. His preference for clean lines and simplicity was a constant presence there. Large windows, offering lots of natural light and a magnificent view of the city lights at night, were on almost every wall.

Beside the largest window of the living room, a vintage architect’s desk with its own lamp stood as a symbol of his love for the profession he chose. Sometimes, he even drew blueprints in the old fashioned way. He also owned a set of architect scales and a classic T-ruler, they were a gift from his father who was an architect.

Near the open kitchen, another desk was placed for his workstation, where he worked using CAD software on his projects. He chose that spot because it was near his state-of-the-art coffee maker. For him, coffee was like oxygen, who could live without it?  
*  
He was way over his head in schoolwork, sleep-deprived and in a general state of exhaustion when he saw Yi Bo again. He had gone to school to consult with one of his professors about a project he needed to hand in the very same week. He stood in front of the door of the professor’s office and was about to knock when the door opened and there he was, Wang Yi Bo was leaving that office at that exact moment.

The stunned expression on Yi Bo’s face clearly told Zhan he wasn’t expecting to see him there. Zhan tried to recover fast from his own astonishment and remembered his manners.

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m well. Are you going to enter?” Yi Bo inquired, signaling the doorway with his head while making way for Zhan to pass.

“Uh, yeah. I have an appointment with professor Han,” Zhan answered him dispiritedly. He was too tired to care about appearances. He had just finished his last class of the day, and as soon as his appointment was over he would go to sleep for a bit. His project still needed more work, so he wanted nothing more than to go back to his work as soon as possible.

Yi Bo nodded to show his understanding and let him go in. Zhan didn’t give their encounter much thought. He needed to make the most of his time with professor Han, so he was laser focused on the questions regarding his project. After a very productive forty-five minutes, professor Han dismissed Zhan, who had all his doubts clearly solved. 

He was still in the process of putting his tablet inside his backpack while exiting the office, when he saw him again. Yi Bo was leaning lazily on the wall in front of the office’s doorway, both hands in the front pockets of his jeans. His stance looked relaxed and careless. He was wearing a pair of black sunglasses, which did a wonderful job of hiding the real direction of his gaze. To a passerby, he was just idling about, standing in that corridor without a real purpose.

Zhan halted, not knowing what to make of it. Did Yi Bo forget something inside the office? Had he returned to talk to Professor Han again? Was it possible that…? No, he’d better avoid following that train of thought, it was definitely a dangerous one.

“Do you know where to get a good cup of coffee in this part of the campus?” Yi Bo said as a form of greeting. 

“Yeah. I can give you directions to the right place to go for good coffee,” Zhan responded. His patience, as well as his defenses, wearing thin.

“Why don’t you come with me? My treat,” Yi Bo told him in a nonchalant tone. Unbelievable, Zhan thought. Yi Bo was acting like they actually knew each other and nothing out of the ordinary had transpired between them. Zhan tried to joke away his disbelief. Two could play this stupid game for sure.

“Are you offering free coffee to an overexerted student with a pressing deadline? Do you want me to love you forever?” It had been a silly comment, he was of course, just uttering the first playful nonsensical words he could come up with, and yet, he watched Yi Bo’s cool façade falter for a very brief moment. 

“Follow me,” he practically ordered Yi Bo, and started moving. Exhaustion was making him act foolishly. He had neither the time, nor the patience to deal with whatever Yi Bo wanted from him right now. 

Firm strides were Zhan’s signature walk when he was either in a hurry or pissed-off. At that point, he was both. Soon enough, they arrived at a small café. It was partially empty because most students were still in class. 

Warm light bulbs hung from the ceiling, lighting the pastel color painted walls. Some black and white photographs of natural landscapes with no people on them adorned the walls, they gave costumers an impersonal and cozy feeling at the same time. Zhan guessed it was the perfect setting for his talk with Yi Bo, since they were exactly like that with each other.

Yi Bo took off his shades and hung them on his t-shirt. They sat on the opposites seats in the same booth. A young waiter approached them diligently and greeted Zhan with calm familiarity. “Hey Zhan, how are you today?”

“Almost dying,” Zhan answered only half joking. The truth was he felt like death warmed over.

“The usual then?” the waiter asked again, wanting to be sure he got Zhan’s order right.

“Yes, please.”

Then the waiter turned to Yi Bo, who was eyeing him with a cold gaze, assessing if he presented a threat. Zhan looked at him at the moment, totally confused by Yi Bo’s demeanor. He looked…jealous? Which of course made absolutely no sense.

“Black coffee, please,” Yi Bo finally gave his order. 

“I’ll be right back,” the waiter excused himself and practically ran from them.

“Are you taking a class with Professor Han?” Yi Bo asked Zhan, obviously going for small talk.

The mixture of amusement and enragement that his attitude provoked in Zhan was surprising and overwhelming for him. This had been a shitty idea, and it was painfully obvious now.

“Really? Okay. Yes, I’m taking his advanced class. What about you, Yi Bo?”

“One of my professors directed me to him for a consultation. I didn’t know him previously.”

“I see. I’ve never seen you before in this part of the campus.”

“I’ve never been here before,” Yi Bo explained. Of course it made sense since the Civil Engineering department was in the exact opposite side or their campus. Well, so much for small talk. 

Zhan was getting really confused by Yi Bo’s attitude at that point. What exactly did Yi Bo want from him? He couldn’t figure it out. This shit was getting old and he was on the brink of passing out from sleep deprivation. He stood up and started to say his goodbyes.

“It was a pleasant surprise meeting you, but I really have to go. Thanks for the coffee.”

“You haven’t drunk yours,” Yi Bo pointed out while grabbing Zhan’s left wrist. 

“Listen, I have a killer deadline to fulfill. This project is literally killing me, and I still have work to do. I really need to go.”

“Let me drive you home,” Yi Bo offered, and Zhan was really about to lose his shit.

“That’s not necessary,” Zhan responded. Yi Bo’s eyes sent a silent plea to him. He was so tired. He’d just accept and be done with this…whatever this was.

“Okay. You’re lucky I didn’t drive today. I’m just so drained. Let’s go.”

Yi Bo left some bills on the table, making sure to silently apologize for his asshole behavior towards their waiter with a handsome tip.

They walked in silence towards the parking lot where Zhan spotted Yi Bo’s Audi soon enough. 

“You drive _that_ to campus?” He couldn’t resist the temptation of asking.

“Yes, that’s my car.”

“Man, that’s like overkill. Don’t you think?” He wasn’t judging him, not at all.

“It was a birthday present from my parents,” Bo told him, like it was a totally valid explanation for something that clearly didn’t need one.

“I bet,” Zhan remarked ruefully. He knew how invading parents could be. He, however, tried to make his own choices, and he chose not to drive an Audi to the Uni. But, who was he to judge? It was, after all, just his personal opinion. 

After a short walk, they reached the car and Zhan felt very grateful. He was feeling sleepy at that point. His intention of having a conversation with Yi Bo about his odd behavior evaporated as soon as the car started moving. He pretty much nodded off within a few minutes. 

He was woken up by a gentle touch on his left shoulder that was shaking him very lightly. With Yi Bo’s eyes fixated on him, he felt some of his grogginess receding. When he was conscious enough, he looked around for reconnaissance, finally realizing they were in front of his building.

He needed to make sense of Bo’s behavior, but he was sincerely afraid to ask. Maybe it had really been a coincidence, and Bo had not been waiting for him at Professor Han’s doorway, maybe…

Agonizing over the possibility of inviting Yi Bo to his home for a cup of…something still undefined, he missed Bo’s words.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” he apologized, trying to focus on Yi Bo’s words this time.

“I was saying you look very tired,” Yi Bo explained, still looking at him. His hand still on Zhan’s shoulder, reluctant to let go.

“I really am. It’s been a long semester,” he tried to joke. They weren’t a month into the semester yet.

“I see,” the mood seemed to shift unexpectedly. Yi Bo’s face turned serious as he continued talking. “I wanted to call you, you know?” Perhaps Zhan’s face reflected incredulity, he seriously thought Yi Bo was bullshitting him.

“I really wanted to, but I…you didn’t look convinced to give me your number so I…wanted to respect your true wishes.”

Shit! Now Zhan felt guilty without knowing why. This Yi Bo guy was truly a dangerous person, did he really want him to fully enter in his life? The unforeseen idea that it was too late to think about it since Yi Bo was already in his life surprised him. 

“Listen, it’s okay. You can call me, but as you can see, right now I’m too exhausted. I need to finish my project and…”

Zhan was properly interrupted by Bo’s lips on his. The kiss started almost chaste, then it became giddy and exciting until Bo’s passionate outburst got out of control with Yi Bo’s exploring hands roaming free on his body, traveling south to his thighs and threatening his own self-control. Damn, this man really can kiss! He thought.

Thanking the heavens above for tinted car windows, he regained some of his common sense and extricated himself from Bo’s embrace. They were in the middle of the street during daytime albeit inside a car. They were supposed to be careful with PDA. No, scratch that, there was not supposed to be any PDA between them, because you know, there was not supposed to exist anything resembling affection between them.

Yi Bo looked a little disappointed, but he regained his composure quickly. Nodding enthusiastically he took Zhan’s words to his heart, “When is your deadline?” he asked.  
“The day after tomorrow,” Zhan answered. Today was Wednesday.

“Perfect, I’ll call you this weekend,” Yi Bo stated. Zhan kind of expected him to go on, but it seemed that was the end of their conversation. So, he opened his door and descended the vehicle.

“Mn, okay then. See you.” 

Yi Bo bowed slightly, and as a way to say goodbye he told Zhan, “thank you.”

It seemed that so far, saying goodbye to Yi Bo always came along with what-the-fuck moments. This was surreal. 

After a two-hour nap, Zhan went back to work that day, totally focused on the task at hand and consciously putting aside his encounter with Yi Bo. He kept a grueling pace, and finally he finished his project and submitted it for evaluation right on time that Friday. Around noon, he took a cab back to his apartment and readily collapsed on his bed, sleeping very deeply.

The ringing of his cellphone woke him up. He looked at the bright screen still in a haze, 7:00pm. Who could be calling? He wondered. When he finally reached enough clarity of mind, he looked at the caller’s ID and saw it was Yi Bo. Boy, this guy was literal! He said he’d call on the weekend, and 7:00 pm on a Friday could be considered the exact moment when the weekend began.

“Hello,” he answered, his voice hoarse. 

“Hi,” Yi Bo greeted him with a low sensual voice. His greeting sounded like a moan that sent shivers through Zhan’s skin, traveling in ripples and aimed towards his dick. That finished waking him up for sure. 

“How are you?” Zhan asked him, because come on, what else could he say when that man’s simple ‘hi’ got him half-hard in nanoseconds. Enlightened intellectual conversations were just out of his reach for now. He could say in his defense that he was thinking with his dick, but that would have been a total lie. He was not thinking at all, period.

“I’m okay,” Yi Bo kept on with this feeble attempt of conversation. “Did you finish your project?” 

“Yeah, I submitted it this morning.”

“Are you too tired…?” Yi Bo’s words seemed to be left hanging in the air. Too tired for what? Zhan’s body apparently had forgotten how exhausted he had been just that morning. 

“I took a nap,” was Zhan’s vague answer. He hadn’t denied he was tired, but he didn’t acknowledge it either. He was absolutely interested in what Yi Bo had in mind when he called him.

“Did you have dinner already?” Yi Bo inquired in the same maddening low voice that sent Zhan’s mind to the neighboring galaxy.

“Not yet,” Zhan said truthfully. In fact, he had forgotten to have anything for lunch. Dinner had been a foreign concept when he had collapsed on his bed earlier that day.  
“Would you have dinner with me?” Bo asked. He didn’t see a point of beating around the bush, apparently. Zhan hesitated. Was Yi Bo trying to dine and wine him? Was there a point for that?

“Sure…” he answered unconvincingly. 

“I’ll pick you up in half an hour in front of your building,” Yi Bo told him leaving no room to argue. 

Zhan knew he ought to be annoyed, but he didn’t find it in him now. “Okay, call me when you arrive please.”

“I’ll call you,” and then he hung up.

Zhan got off of the bed and went to take a shower. He hoped warm water could help him with two things, first to fully wake up, and secondly to understand what the fuck he was doing. 

After the shower he felt like a human being again, he shaved and changed into a casual outfit. Blue jeans, a long sleeve red t-shirt, a pair of light brown leather loafers, a denim jacket and a stylish muffler completed his outfit. He styled his hair quickly, looking at the mirror and wondered for nth time if he should let his hair grow longer. Discarding these thoughts for now, he applied some cologne on both sides of his neck and looked at his watch. He still had five minutes left. 

Unexpectedly, suspicion overtook him. Would it be possible? He walked to the window facing the street where his building entrance was located, opened it and looked at the sidewalk below. Neatly parked, Yi Bo’s car was already there, waiting for him. He hadn’t called him yet, however. At exactly half an hour from Yi Bo’s original call, his phone rang. It was, of course, Yi Bo.

“I’m here,” Yi Bo told him as soon as Zhan took the call.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Zhan answered as he grabbed his keys. Cellphone in hand, he remembered to check his wallet. Everything he had been looking for was there, money, cards, and condoms. He was ready.

He rode the elevator down and was unable to avoid a sense of anticipation building in his belly. Getting out of it, he tried to walk leisurely. He didn’t want to give the impression of being in a hurry. He saw Yi Bo through the crystal door of his building’s main doorway. He was already out of the car, waiting next to the passenger door, undoubtedly with the purpose of opening the door for Zhan.

How could an action like that be so endearing and cringe worthy at the same time? It was part of Yi Bo’s charm, he supposed. 

Zhan reached Yi Bo’s car and as he predicted, Bo swiftly opened the door for him and closed it once he entered the car. Quickly, Yi Bo practically ran to his side and got in. 

“Hi,“ he greeted Zhan in that sinful voice of his. Zhan knew then and there he was irremediably doomed. That voice did a number on him. He found it irresistible.

“Hi,” Zhan answered in a daze. Yi Bo’s unique aroma engulfed him. All coherent thoughts went basically out of his brain. All he knew at the moment was the hunger he felt for Yi Bo’s touch on his skin.

“Where do you want to go for dinner?” Yi Bo questioned him, arching one eyebrow. That question possessed a hidden meaning, Zhan realized. It was not the question in itself. It was the tone used when it was posed. Zhan took a moment to think about what he wanted at that moment. After a jiffy, he answered sure of himself.

“Anywhere with good room service.”

The look he received from Bo was feral. Dilated pupils and a faint blush completed the visage. Yi Bo gripped the steering wheel trying to regain some resemblance of self-control, he took a breath and started the car in total silence.

Wang Yi Bo knew a fair share of luxurious hotels it seemed, because he took Zhan to a different one. He power-walked to the front desk, credit card in hand and in less than ten minutes, he was all set up.

Zhan was amused by Yi Bo’s celerity. He wanted to help Bo to save time so he started walking towards him as soon as he saw the room’s cardkey in Yi Bo’s hand. Bo saw him and moved towards the elevators. 

This time, Zhan was a little surprised by Yi Bo’s pick. He had rented the honeymoon suite. Well, Yi Bo sure didn’t do things halfway. Zhan liked that.

Bo’s mouth was on Zhan’s as soon as the room’s door was closed. His hands on Zhan’s waist, possessively holding him while he was kissing him senseless. Zhan thought for a fleeting moment that Yi Bo wanted to own him. Soon, Bo’s hands abandoned Zhan’s waist but not his body, roaming freely along his back. 

Skin on skin contact hadn’t occurred yet. However, Zhan felt the heat radiating from Bo’s touch and was afraid of self-ignition. It was so hot! Yi Bo’s breath on his skin, between kisses, was making him lose his grip on reality. Yi Bo’s voice was mind controlling. “Take off your clothes,” he half ordered, half begged him.

Unaware of anything else but Bo’s touch, he started undressing. Slowly and teasingly, he took off all his clothes until he was fully naked in front of a fully clothed Bo. 

“Your turn,” he said while Yi Bo looked at him, like he wanted to imprint his image into his mind.

Without uttering a response, Bo undressed in a perfunctory manner. His eyes never leaving Zhan’s body. This was getting to be too much for Zhan, making him overwhelmed. He reached out for Bo, he wanted to be touched, to be kissed, and to be owned by Bo.

Bo’s tongue traveled freely across Zhan’s skin, kissing, licking, sucking, and marking Zhan’s alabaster skin. Zhan let him be, let him do whatever he wanted. Reaching Zhan’s nipples, he sucked and bit them, throwing Zhan to an abyss of passion.

Once Zhan’s skin was fully branded by his touch, Yi Bo asked silently for permission. Zhan accepted without uttering a word. Yi Bo sank on his knees and sucked Zhan off with undeniable enthusiasm. They hadn’t reached the bed yet. 

Yi Bo sucked him off dry. Zhan had no problem admitting Bo knew how to give head. He was a master of it. Spilling his seed in Yi Bo’s mouth was like a religious experience. But he felt greedy tonight. He wanted more, he wanted it all.

Bo carried him bridal style and took him to bed. A silent question showed on Yi Bo’s face. Can I?

Zhan’s answer was quick and vocal. “Fuck me,” he almost begged. And Bo complied. 

Once the proper preparation was completed, Bo buried himself in Zhan, forgetting about the whole world outside that room. Their room.

Single mindedly he drove himself in, reaching for paradise. Zhan seemed to open by the seams as pleasure filled him. He let go all pretenses of control and allowed himself to be filled by Bo, letting him set the pace. Bo hit Zhan’s sweet spot again and again, relentlessly. 

Their gasps and moans filled the air. The otherwise silent room felt full of their passionate noise. Endearing terms flew around carelessly, and yet, they sounded true to each other’s ears. Like they wanted them to be true.

Feeling his climax approaching, Bo reached out for Zhan’s cock and started stroking it. Keeping his unforgiving rhythm, he drove them to ecstasy together. Reluctant to draw out of Zhan, he finally did it and he went to the bathroom, bringing a washcloth to clean them up. 

In the aftermath, Bo asked Zhan. “Do you know now what you want to eat?” Zhan laughed before answering. “Yes, I do. I’m starving.”

Yi Bo called room service and they kept kissing while waiting for it. When room service finally arrived, Bo took a bathrobe to cover his naked body and went to the door to receive their food.

Both of them were starving, so they proceeded to devour their food. Once they were finished, they moved back to bed to kiss each other until their passion ignited again and they went for round two.

Dawn was almost breaking, both of them were exhausted after their four encounters when Yi Bo looked into Zhan’s eyes and asked him.

“Can I call you next week?”

Zhan didn’t hesitate this time, “sure.” 

“Thank you,” was Yi Bo’s response.


	3. Forever for Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ Forever For Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ1xeIRqtrU) by LP
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, bookmarks and suscriptions! They really encourage me.

Today was Friday and Yi Bo was alone in their hotel room, waiting impatiently for Zhan to arrive. Another non-descript space, tastefully decorated but totally impersonal. They were at a stage in their arrangement where they wouldn’t always arrive together, but they would meet at their designated room. He lay down on the bed both hands behind his nape forcefully avoiding thinking about what future would hold for him.

Outside, fall had arrived in full force, the brown leaves that littered the streets gave faithful testimony of the inexorable march of time. They had met for the first time near the end of summer, and sometimes, Yi Bo wished time would slow down just a little bit, just enough for him to enjoy this a little longer.

Zhan was running late today. He had called him beforehand to let him know. It was a rare occurrence, but Bo knew Zhan had valid reasons, he had never been purposely inconsiderate to him, never keeping him waiting. 

More than three months had passed since their first encounter and Yi Bo’s need for Zhan’s touch had exponentially increased. He still couldn’t understand what had possessed him to approach Zhan that fateful night. He had always been a reserved person, and yet…

He had just dropped his friend Seungjoo, a foreign exchange student from Korea that was in his department, at the Mix and Mingle party. He was planning to go back home to sleep when he saw that ethereal looking man smoking a cigarette right on the street, obviously unaware of the alluring image he presented to the world. How someone could look powerful yet vulnerable in their own beauty? Yi Bo hadn’t found the answer yet.

He was grateful for his boldness that night, the stolen moments shared with Zhan when he had been graced by Zhan’s touches and kisses, when he had seen Zhan’s beautiful face contorted in pleasure had been more than worthy. These moments were hidden treasures, imprinted into his mind forever. These purloined instants were just for him. He hoped those memories would be enough to get him through his life in the future.

Meeting every Friday night had become a habit for them. After their second serendipitous encounter, Yi Bo had called him and Zhan had agreed to meet him next Friday, and then the following one and every Friday after that. Desire consumed both of them in every occasion as they freely shared their bodies with each other.

Sometimes he wished Zhan had only shared his body with him and not his dreams or his intimate secrets as well. He had glimpsed into Zhan’s mind and soul and found him even more breathtaking. The small snippets of life that Zhan had shared with him were unexpected gifts presented to him in a delectable wrap. From trivial information like that Zhan only smoked when he was truly nervous, to mind shattering knowledge such as the fact that Zhan was a true switch, so he enjoyed the same being a top or a bottom while having sex. When Zhan shared that information with him, Bo’s legs had gone weak.

As for his dreams, Zhan had been overworking lately to meet a deadline. He was vying for an internship in Japan after graduation. Zhan had confided to him that since he was a teenager dreaming of becoming an architect, he had admired the work of the Japanese architect Ando Tadao. Now, an opportunity to apply for an internship at his idol’s architecture firm came up and Zhan put an immensurable effort on his work just to be able to participate. His project needed to be submitted today and Zhan had finished it just on time.

It was selfish of him and he knew it, but part of Bo couldn’t avoid wishing Zhan wouldn’t go to Japan. It was just wishful thinking on his part, he knew Zhan would get it, he was absolutely sure of it. Zhan was talented and passionate enough to achieve whatever he put his mind on. Besides, this…thing _–whatever it was-_ between them had an expiring date and he was painfully aware of it.

He was Wang Yi Bo after all, the only son and heir of the Wang family. His father owned the largest construction company in China. He had been destined to become an engineer since he was born. Luckily for him, he loved the profession, and he was more than eager to take over the company in due time. 

But that position would make him a visible figure, so he could not have a same-sex life partner. He knew he was expected to marry a beautiful girl with impeccable breeding and to produce 2.5 children, or whatever the fuck number of children perfect families needed to have to be perfectly happy.

To say he felt conflicted about it was an understatement. Growing up, he had believed himself a heterosexual boy until he was seventeen and started noticing the beauty of male bodies. Then he started experimenting with some anonymous and discrete flirting. After that, he knew for sure he was sexually attracted to men. Nowadays, he assumed himself bisexual, so theoretically the 2.5 children would be no problem, right? 

He had been raised for that, to honor his family, to perform his duty, to carry on a legacy, to be the poster child of success. All of that was anticipated of him.

Best laid plans don’t always materialize, sometimes the tiniest detail could interfere in the most straightforward pathway to success. In his case, it was merely his own human nature in the form of sexual attraction. He had to concede, he had never been attracted to anyone else the same way Xiao Zhan enticed him. The beauty of a gorgeous cleavage had nothing on Zhan’s hard chest planes, the allure held by soft and round feminine hips paled when compared with Zhan’s slender figure. In fewer words, he was attracted to Zhan like a strong magnet to a fucking piece of metal.

Bo had never felt the same passion or the same raw need that Zhan had awakened in him. In Zhan’s presence, everything else faded away, nothing else mattered just the two of them. When they were together, Bo existed in a private universe made for them. The intensity of these sensations made them painful. Because he knew this wasn’t his future, this wouldn’t last forever, and yet, he wanted to linger in that place and time. He just wanted to linger.

How he wished their encounters were like the sand inside an hourglass, trapped, unable to escape, so they could just be turned over and repeated again and again.

A knock at the door pulled him out of his reverie. He stood up fast, it was Zhan, finally. Rushing towards the doorway, he opened the door to find an exhausted Zhan on the other side. Dark circles around his eyes gave away the countless nights of sleep-depravation, working with all his being to finish on time. He was also thinner than last time they had seen each other, which worried Bo because only a week had elapsed. He was almost sure Zhan hadn’t eaten anything today, so he was more than ready to order some food for them. 

“Hi,” Zhan greeted him meekly. His legs seemed about to fail him. He could have cancelled, he could have called Yi Bo and explained to him. Yi Bo would have understood, he was sure, but he hadn’t wanted to.

“Hi. Have you had something to eat?” Yi Bo asked. He wanted to chastise Zhan, but refrained from it. Zhan needed to be taken care of, not to receive an earful, so he simply shoved his own opinions to the back burner.

Zhan was still carrying his backpack, which meant he hadn’t driven today. Bo thanked the heavens for that, in such a state Zhan could have had an accident. The sudden fear that gripped his heart caused by that thought surprised him, scared him, crap! This was not what he had expected from a one night stand, this was so much more.

Because he knew, both of them were aware of how things were. They could exchange fluids but not feelings. Feelings complicated things, feelings formed attachments. Those attachments, he couldn’t honor. It was such a shame, and he wanted to linger. 

He took Zhan’s backpack and helped him to the bed. He took the room’s phone and called room service without asking Zhan what he wanted to eat. He knew some of what he liked to eat by now so he was sure about what to order. Zhan started sharing his day with him, he had merciless worked himself to oblivion to finish his project. As Bo had suspected Zhan had only drunk coffee during the day. 

Zhan went on, speaking excitedly about his project and all the details he needed to take care of before submitting it, talking about materials and architectural styles. Yi Bo listened with complete attention, nodding and assenting when it was required, but he was mainly watching the lively explanation Zhan was giving to him. He wanted to stretch the fiber of time to the limit and stay in that moment.

Meanwhile, their food arrived. Yi Bo stood up and went to receive it. He gave the server a generous tip and prepared everything for them to eat. Zhan had a hefty appetite and started devouring his food. Yi Bo ate at a calmer pace, happily watching Zhan who kept on sharing his day with him. It gave him a dangerous sense of domesticity, of what this could be if only…

Zhan realized that he was monopolizing the conversation, somewhat embarrassed he stopped himself and told Yi Bo, “I’m sorry. I’m too excited. I keep talking and I haven’t let you speak at all. How was your day?” 

“It’s okay. I really don’t mind. I actually enjoy listening to you talk about your project. You are very passionate about it. My day was the same as all my days are. I went to the Uni, took classes, went back to my apartment and then I came here.” Bo explained calmly. He was a man of routines, he liked them. They usually kept him grounded. Meeting Zhan has been an unexpected oddity in his carefully planned life.

“Do you live alone?” Zhan had never dared to ask before. He knew that if they were to keep this thing between them with a sense of detachment, the less personal information they shared the better. Regretfully, he hadn’t been able to avoid sharing some bits and pieces about himself. He, however, had never talked about his family. 

“Yes, I live alone. My parents gave me an apartment to live in,” Yi Bo told him. Of course, an apartment was a euphemism for a huge-ass penthouse Yi Bo’s parents had given him as another birthday present. “What about you?”

“Huh? Me? I also live alone,” Zhan answered. He understood that Bo’s parents were pretty much like his own mother, invasive and insanely wealthy. But he had rebelled as much as he could. It seemed to him that Bo was a filial son, who tried to please his parents. He also knew what that meant.

“What will you do after graduation?” Zhan was truly curious. Yi Bo had never discussed his future plans with him before. He knew there was a solid reason for that, but he couldn’t resist the temptation and inquired.

“I’ll work with my father. He’s also an engineer,” was Bo’s succinct answer.

Zhan knew that Yi Bo had given him an oversimplified version of the truth, but he was okay with that. He could have Googled Bo, or looked for him in social media, but he didn’t, he wouldn’t. He was still trying to stay faithful to his original no strings attached intention, but he had needed to know something else about him. This thing between them had just evolved into a series of one-night stands, but it was nothing more he kept thinking adamantly. 

They kept talking until it was almost midnight, Bo reached out for Zhan and kissed him. And they both wanted, they wanted so much. Scorching touches along their bodies ignited their passion. They were willing and ready, but Zhan felt uncomfortable. He needed a shower so he untangled himself from Yi Bo’s embrace and apologized.

“Sorry, I really need a shower. I’m all gross.”

Yi Bo nodded, understanding. Zhan took his backpack, it seemed he had brought clean clothes in there. He went to the bathroom and got naked. He was so tired, but still he wanted to be with Bo. He had missed his touch, his scent, and his kisses. He just needed a shower and he would be good to go.

He stepped into the shower’s spray and felt his muscles relax under the warm water. Suddenly, he felt heavier than ever. His eyelids seemed to close on their own accord, disrespecting his wishes to stay awake and enjoy Bo’s body. Cutting his shower short, because he became afraid of falling asleep there, he got out and toweled himself off. Taking a bathrobe, he put it on and got out of the bathroom, so tired that he forgot to dry his hair.

Bo was still waiting for him on the bed, when he saw Zhan so exhausted and pale, he felt a pang of…something unidentified. He rushed to the bathroom for a dry towel and toweled Zhan’s hair dry.

“It’s not necessary, Bo.”

“I know, but I want to…” Yi Bo responded. “Why don’t you rest while I take a shower?” He suggested.

“Okay,” was Zhan’s weak response.

Yi Bo dimmed the lights and went to the bathroom to take a shower. He wanted Zhan, he wanted him so much he felt like he was burning. He tried to make it quick and he was soon out of the shower, toweling his body off. He used another bathrobe to cover himself and got out of the bathroom.

He found Zhan sound asleep across the bed, his calves hanging off of it. He looked so peaceful, but so worn-out. He smiled, how could he not? Zhan looked almost angelic. And something churned inside Yi Bo, something unknown. He gave in into temptation and caressed Zhan’s sleeping profile, while committing his features to his memory. A need to protect him grew inside Bo, he wanted to keep Zhan isolated and untainted, but that was totally unrealistic and he knew it.

Very carefully, he tucked Zhan under the covers and prepared to lie down next to him. Zhan moved, trying to wake up and speak.

“Yi Bo, we were going to…”

“Hush hush Zhan, sleep,” he whispered in Zhan’s ear while rubbing circles on his back, trying to soothe him. Soon Zhan was sleeping deeply again, unaware of the turmoil that his mere existence stirred inside Bo.

Yi Bo lay down next to Zhan. He was also tired, and even if he had wanted a night of passion with him, his well-being was more important and Zhan clearly needed a full night’s sleep. He was going to sleep, really sleep with Zhan, and that thought made his heart beat wildly.

This was going to be the first time they met each other purposely and hadn’t ended up having sex. This was new and somewhat scary for him.

He couldn’t resist the temptation and spooned Zhan’s body while holding him by the waist. Zhan hummed at his touch and seemed to relax. Bo could smell Zhan’s hair and feel his pulse from the crook of his neck. 

Bo mumbled “thank you,” in Zhan’s ear. Thank you for being here, for letting me touch you, for sharing your time with me, for being you. He couldn’t vocalize to Zhan why he was thanking him for, not now. Maybe never.

Yi Bo wanted, how he wanted. He wanted many things, but now what he wanted the most was to linger.


	4. Wicked Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSin2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ Wicked Game](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFz8OhfzZVM) by Chris Isaak
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks and comments! They really encourage me.

Their little arrangement was still on when winter break came and went. Bo had tried to be a responsible adult and stop it several times. Every time he and Zhan met, he ended up swearing to himself it was the last time. A series of last times occurred, and after a brief hiatus due to New Year’s festivities and a short vacation with his parents to an exclusive ski resort in Europe, their next _last time_ happened after the beginning their senior year’s last semester.

Soon he realized he was addicted to Zhan’s skin, to his scent, to his presence. He figured out he actually had missed Zhan during his short trip over winter break, he was afraid. What would happen when they had to part for good?

He adamantly refused to think about it. He planned to keep living the here and now until their graduation date arrived. He knew it would hurt, it would hurt so much to part from him, to stop seeing him, touching him. He would miss everything about Zhan. But it was bound to happen, it was unavoidable.

Yi Bo intended to get the most from his time with Zhan. He needed a full stock of memories to survive the rest of his life, and he intended to create them with him, because he had become so important to Bo.

Of course, he couldn’t tell him, he wouldn’t. Why would he complicate this fling even more? It was so difficult for him to keep his emotions detached from his bodily needs. He would just let his body talk most of the time, but sometimes his emotions tried to override his common sense. It was a luxury he was not allowed to have. 

Common people were able to choose their life partner freely, but he couldn’t do that. That was a price to pay for being who he was. It was taking a huge toll on him, but it was what it was, and he could do nothing to change it.

Days were flying by and he wished he could slow time down. He would offer years of his life for mere seconds in Zhan’s presence. Graduation was approaching fast, too fast if someone asked him. Then, an idea took shape in his mind. It was crazy, it was too deranged to be considered and yet…

He wanted it, he had never wanted that before, but it would be with Zhan so it would make it perfect. He would ask Zhan next time, he was unsure if Zhan would agree to it.

He doubted he’d be rejected, but who knew. It would be something so intimate, so unique, a once in a lifetime experience for him. Of course, Zhan had already experienced it, and he could not be jealous. It would be totally irrational because Zhan was not his. He could never be truly his.

*

Zhan was jittery, spring was fast approaching and with spring, the decision from Ando Tadao’s firm would arrive. However, he was experiencing an unexpected apprehension. A part of him wanted to go to Japan very much, like he had dreamed since he was a teenager, with wild aspirations, wanting to overtake the world with his own ideas. But another part, a hidden part of him, the one he still had troubling acknowledging, wanted to stay in China.

Because China meant Bo’s presence, Bo’s scent, Bo’s body, and he didn’t want to part from any of it. Yi Bo’s essence had crept into his very soul and took residence in it, and even though he didn’t want to recognize it, he was reluctant to be apart from him…ever.

He knew, however, this was just wistful thinking on his part. Bo would never, could never be at his side for good. It was just not his nature. He knew Bo was a good obedient son, a rule abiding person who would never trespass on any societal laws. They were not meant to be together. 

And this thing between them, was against everything that was expected from someone like Yi Bo. And it wounded him, it made Zhan suffer so much that he consciously avoided thinking about it. Here and now was all he had, so he knew he’d better take advantage of it. 

So, when next Friday arrived, he fully intended on just enjoying it. To let loose and let his own body express what he would never put in proper words. Because it would pain him to confirm what he already knew, that other things, serious things between them were just impossible.

The ring of Zhan’s phone took him out of his trance, bringing him back to his harsh reality. He looked at the screen, uninterested at first. The name that appeared on it, from his contact list, made his heart beat like he had just run a marathon. He took the call immediately.

The news was broken to him. It was fantastic and devastating at the same time. He had yearned for it and yet, here it was, shattering his heart into a myriad of pieces. It was a sense of unavoidable resignation the one that engulfed him, leaving him feeling defeated. How would he tell Yi Bo? Today was a Friday for god’s sake. Damn it!

It didn’t matter, he still had Yi Bo for a little longer, he could be egotistical for a while. He deserved it. He would tell Bo after today’s encounter. He wouldn’t spoil their mood with such mundane events, this was their time, just for them. The outside world would have to wait in line for their turn to be dealt with.

Impatience started invading him. Today’s classes were not over yet, but he found out he couldn’t concentrate on them. Yi Bo had overtaken his mind for the day, or so it seemed. Time appeared to be slowing down in its relentless march. Fuck! Why didn’t it slow down when they were together? Of course, it was just a rhetorical question. Time had always been unforgiving in the matters of the heart. 

When his classes were finally over for the day, he exited the auditorium in a rushed pace. He needed to have lunch and make some calls. He hadn’t informed his parents yet about the news he received earlier. He called his dad first and let him know the news. He could practically hear the smile in his dad’s voice when he heard about it. The internship position in Ando Tadao’s firm had been formally offered to him. His father was extremely proud and happy, Zhan could tell.

Next he called his mom. She was, of course, excited. She knew what that meant to him. She started rambling about locating a proper apartment for him in Tokyo and decorating it, she wanted to travel there in advance to get everything set-up and at some point he tuned out of their conversation in his mind. His unruly brain kept returning to Bo automatically.

He went on with his daily routine feeling rather numb. He went on in autopilot, doing what he was expected to do, just functioning. He wanted to turn off his brain and stop thinking, stop feeling restricted by his own skin. This was almost like an out of body experience. He was there, but he really wasn’t. He was just not himself. Something was missing inside. What could it possibly be? He wondered.

He went through the rest of his daily activities, and at the right time, he got ready to meet Yi Bo. Today, they were going to go to a secluded hotel/spa at the outskirts of the city. He hadn’t been there before, but it was supposed to be a Japanese style resort, with hot springs included -oh the irony. He still didn’t understand why Bo had chosen such a secluded place that required a relatively long drive to be reached, but he would just comply. Anything Yi Bo wanted, he would freely give. 

Yi Bo would pick him up early today, five o’clock in the afternoon was their agreed time. He hurried up and packed some extra clothes. Yi Bo had suggested they spend the whole night together since arrival to the venue required a short trip.

At first, Zhan had been ecstatic by Bo’s suggestion. He still remembered the sensations that waking up embraced by Wang Yi Bo produced in him. That memorable night when they didn’t have sex. It had been marvelous.

He looked at the time, it was ten to five. He looked through his window, and as he suspected, Yi Bo was already waiting for him, neatly parked in front of his building’s entrance.

Giddiness overtook him. He grabbed his bag with a change of clothes, some toiletries, wallet and keys, then he exited his apartment in a hurry. His ride in the elevator seemed to last an eternity and his impatience was making him edgy. When he reached the ground floor he saw how the sunlight was hitting the ground producing a myriad of reflections of many surfaces. Yi Bo was leaning on his car wearing sunglasses, waiting for him. The smile that graced his face when he looked at Zhan approaching him, took Zhan’s breath away.

Spontaneous wide smiles were rare occurrences on Bo’s face. Lopsided smirks and demure smiles made more frequent appearances, so Zhan knew he had been gifted with a rare present.

Of course he was aware of Bo’s sheer beauty, but right at that moment, he just couldn’t believe the privilege that life had granted him. He was allowed to touch Yi Bo, to kiss him, to hold him albeit just for brief stolen moments. It didn’t matter. He was such a lucky bastard!

Yi Bo could see something in Zhan’s expression as he admired him, a lopsided smirk appeared on his face. Today was just for the two of them. Today didn’t belong to anybody else. 

Opening the car’s door for Zhan, he greeted him. “Hi,” he wanted to kiss him right there and then, but he refrained from it. They were in public, outside his car, so it was a no go for them. Zhan must have read his intention as he blushed and answered timidly, “Hi Bo.”

He got inside the car, and watched as Bo crossed over to the driver’s side. Opening his door, Bo got in swiftly. Today was different. Zhan could feel it in the air. There was something about Bo’s demeanor that gave it away. Today, their little arrangement was so much more. It was just for today. Zhan swore to himself, just for today he would let it be.

As soon as they left the city, Bo couldn’t keep both his hands on the wheel. He was constantly touching Zhan. He reached for his face, for his thighs, for his knees. Zhan felt like he would explode soon just from the raw need he was feeling for Bo at the moment.

Bo couldn’t take it anymore and stopped the car at a rest stop. Zhan was disconcerted at first, and was about to ask Yi Bo what was happening, but Bo didn’t give him time to speak. He took Zhan by the nape closing the distance between them and attacked his mouth. 

There was no tenderness in his kiss, just raw need. Running his hands through Zhan’s hair, he demanded entrance to his mouth. Zhan granted him access without hesitation, surrendering to Bo’s demands. Their tongues caressed each other without false modesty. Soft gasps for air filled the car with a lusty murmur that enveloped and isolated them from the world. 

Soon, Zhan found himself on Yi Bo’s lap, their hands freely exploring each other greedily. Then after ten solid minutes of making out, Bo seemed to regain his senses and resumed their trip. Suddenly he was impatient. He needed them to reach their destination as soon as possible.

Zhan had been surprised by Bo’s behavior. He didn’t vocalize anything, but his kiss just told Zhan he had been missed, dearly. It made Zhan tremble. 

Desperation took ahold of them. This was new. Never before had they felt such yearning for each other. It was like they subconsciously knew something was about to change.

Arriving at the hotel, Yi Bo all but ran to the front desk. He completed the check in process in less than five minutes and, as soon as it was all sorted out, he grabbed Zhan’s wrist and all but dragged him to their room. 

As soon as their room’s door was closed, everything transformed. This was their place and time. No parents and obligations had a space to exist there. Yi Bo attacked Zhan’s mouth and he frenziedly undid Zhan’s buttons and zipper. 

There was a desperate thirst in Yi Bo. He needed Zhan so much, and he needed him right now. Clothes were soon discarded on the floor. The bed was soon full of limbs and need. And without them noticing how, after hurried preparations, Bo was relentlessly taking Zhan, marking his skin without pause, making him his even if it was just for today.

Not a spot on Zhan’s skin was left untouched, Bo’s tongue made sure Zhan’s whole expanse of skin was properly worshiped, properly adored because Zhan was his just for tonight.

Their shared orgasms caught them unaware of reality. Here and now seemed to vanish, only they existed in the presence of each other. They were so wrapped in each other than any other though was exiled from their brains.

Yi Bo didn’t withdraw immediately from Zhan, instead, he closed the distance of their mouths and kissed him, his tongue requested entrance and Zhan’s lips let it get in without hesitation. The scorching kiss went on for what seemed an eternity. At last, Yi Bo separated himself from Zhan’s body and went to the bathroom to retrieve a wet towel. Painstakingly, Bo cleaned Zhan up and then he cleaned himself. Both their breathing patterns were still altered and they were gasping for air. Yi Bo went back to bed, back to Zhan and kissed him again. 

Their hands roamed freely along each other’s skin. Zhan ran his hands through Bo’s hair while he started nibbling his lower lip. He continued his exploration on Bo’s jawline, stopping briefly at his earlobe to bite it softly. The column of Bo’s neck became his haunting ground, and he proceeded to mark his territory profusely. 

Yi Bo’s little gasps soon ignited Zhan’s passion again provoking a massive erection in him. The planes of Bo’s chest were next in his quest for Bo’s rapture. Arriving at his nipples, Zhan took turns in each of them, biting, sucking, nibbling and kissing them. Yi Bo’s body responded beautifully to Zhan’s ministrations, and soon he was so hard it was almost painful.

After a moment, Yi Bo looked intensely at Zhan. There was so much in that gaze, that Zhan couldn’t hold it. Yi Bo requested something. Something that Zhan could have never fathomed. Something unthinkable for him. 

“Will you take me?” was Yi Bo’s breathy request.

Zhan paralyzed. He had never dared to think about it. He knew Bo viewed himself as bisexual so he had just assumed that was not a possibility for some reason.  
Bewildered and agitated he looked into Bo’s eyes. Why would Bo request something like that? He wondered.

“Are…are you sure? Do you know what you are asking?” 

“I know. “

“Have you ever…?"

“No, never.”

“Then, why?”

“I want to…with you.”

Shit! That had disarmed Zhan. He wouldn’t dare to make another objection to Yi Bo’s request after that.

“Would you turn over?”

“No,” was Yi Bo’s firm response. His gaze worming his way into Zhan’s soul “I want to see you while you’re inside me.”

Zhan had to give it to Yi Bo, he didn’t mince with words ever. He knew what he wanted and went for it. It was such a pity he didn’t want to keep Zhan at his side. 

“Okay,” Zhan conceded, because what else could he do? He would comply with Bo’s wishes again.

This would be a first for Yi Bo, so Zhan would take his time. Slowly and carefully he coated one of his fingers with lube. He looked at Yi Bo, willing and pliant on the bed, ready to be possessed by him and almost came at the sight. Using all the self-control he owned, he ordered his rebellious body to wait.

His digit penetrated Yi Bo slowly, making sure he was unharmed. Yi Bo’s eyes widened at the invasion, Zhan advised him. “Please, relax. Breathe slowly and deeply.”

Yi Bo did as advised and Zhan felt him becoming supple under his touch. When his finger pushed past Bo’s rim with ease, he looked at Bo to see how he was doing.

He looked calm, so he requested permission to add another finger. “Can I add another one?” A nod from Yi Bo was all the answer he received.

He applied more lube, because he could never be too careful with Yi Bo. Soon enough, two of his fingers were inserted in Bo. A mild look of discomfort appeared on his face, but it vanished quickly as Bo consciously relaxed, allowing their insertion. 

At this point, Bo suspected Zhan was being extra careful with him. Treating him like a fragile being. He couldn’t figure out if he should be touched or enraged, because he was definitely not a fragile person.

“Add another one,” he told Zhan. 

“Are you sure you are ready?” Zhan asked him, sounding doubtful. 

“Yes, I am.”

And Zhan complied, as he had been doing lately in anything related with Yi Bo. 

Shortly after, there were three of Zhan’s fingers rhythmically invading Yi Bo. Then Zhan curved them just a little bit, in a quest for Bo’s pleasure spot. Bo looked at him quizzically, but as soon as Zhan found what he had been looking for Yi Bo’s entire body contorted in ecstasy. A feral growl escaped his lips sending shivers along Zhan’s spine.

“Do it again,” Yi Bo panted. Zhan obeyed without hesitation. Watching Yi Bo losing control was a delectable visage. He looked so needy, so wanton. It was almost too much for Zhan. Almost.

Yi Bo became a quivering mess under Zhan’s touch, he never imagined this experience could be so intense. Zhan was driving him crazy, mind, body and soul. And he didn’t want these sensations to end, he wanted, he needed more.

“Please, Zhan…I need…”

“What do you need? What do you want? I’ll give you anything…everything.”

“You…I need you…in me.”

His last vestige of rationality flew out the window. Zhan felt like his whole body was on fire. He could have died just from how turned on he was. But he needed to stay calm, to make him good for Bo. He breathed in and reached for the nightstand, looking for condoms and lube. Very slowly, he ripped the package and took the condom out. He rolled it onto his length and coated it generously with lube. They were finally ready to go on.

Slowly, he pushed his dick through Bo’s rim, taking special care of not hurting him. Yi Bo took small relaxing breaths to cope with the intrusion. Involuntarily, his eyes were misty all of the sudden, and Zhan was worried. 

“We can stop…”

“No! I don’t want to. Please, continue.”

“But…”

“No buts. Go on!”

And Zhan complied. Again. Because he would do whatever Bo wanted right at the moment. Steeling himself to avoid getting lost in his own sensations Zhan buried himself in Bo completely. Yi Bo breathed deeply, adjusting to Zhan’s full length. His eyes looked for Zhan’s and nodding slightly he silently asked him to move.

Shallow and hesitant thrust were delivered by Zhan, trying to make it easier for Bo. But then, Bo’s hands went to his hips, demanding more from him. To satisfy Bo’s request he changed the angle slightly and went in with slow and deeper thrusts. He knew he had hit jackpot when Bo trembled under him, moaning unabashedly Zhan’s name.

“More…” Bo almost begged him. He didn’t need to. Zhan went on ramming him merciless. The clapping sounds produced by their bodies filled the room along with their groans and gasps.

Zhan felt he was reaching the edge, Bo’s hands were still holding Zhan by his hips. Bo closed his eyes, signaling to Zhan that he was also very close. Zhan grasped Bo’s dick and started stroking it, keeping a steady rhythm in both fronts.

Zhan emitted a choked sob as he released his load inside Bo. In turn, Bo came hard, shooting his cum on Zhan’s hands and belly as he moaned, “like that Baobei.”

Zhan froze. Never before had he been called that by Yi Bo. This was too much. This was devastating for the feeble defenses of his heart. He could stand Bo’s indifference, his coolness, his aloofness, anything but terms of endearment. Not now, not today, not at that precise moment.

He waited for Yi Bo to calm down before he separated from him. Like Yi Bo had done before, he went in search for a wet towel for the clean-up process. Zhan cleaned them both. Yi Bo looked exhausted and worn-out lying on the bed.

“Do you want me to draw you a bath?” Zhan asked, trying to help Yi Bo relax his muscles so they wouldn’t ache so much later.

“Yes, please,” was Yi Bo soft answer. Unexpectedly, Bo grabbed Zhan’s wrist while looking into his eyes and told him, “I’ve never felt something that intense before.” Zhan nodded and started to go towards the bathroom. Bo called to him again, “Zhan,” then he uttered two simple words, “thank you.”

Zhan nodded again, more confused than ever. He retreated to the bathroom to fill the bathtub for Yi Bo, and also to regroup. He was truly lost at the moment, not knowing what to think. However, a tiny seed of both love and hope started growing within his chest.

He was already used to Bo saying thank you to him after each of their encounters. At first, he had found it odd, then he had found it polite, after that he had found it cute, but now…

Today’s _thank you_ had stirred an inner turmoil in Zhan. He felt like an innocent bystander in the middle of a crossfire. On one hand, Yi Bo’s _thank you_ could mean he felt something for Zhan, that this fling was something more than just sex and physical release. It could give Zhan hope, this could make him want more. It made it seem that a real relationship between them belonged to the realm of possible. But that prospect was the cruelest, because he was very much aware that Yi Bo would not go against his parents’ expectations ever. So giving Zhan a speck of hope was pointless and vicious.

On the other hand, that _thank you_ could be just a token of polite recognition to Zhan for sharing his body with Yi Bo. It sounded like a well-mannered dismissal you give the help, when they have overstayed their usefulness. Was Zhan just a warm body to Yi Bo? Was he someone useful but disposable in the end?

In all honesty, Zhan didn’t know what possibility hurt him most. Whatever the real meaning of this thank you, it had stung him so much that he felt kind of dizzy.

He propped himself up on the bathroom counter and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He saw his pale face, his own misty eyes as well as the bruises that Yi Bo’s hand on his hips had left, and asked himself out loud, “what the fuck are you doing?”

Meanwhile, the bathtub started spilling water all over the bathroom floor.


	5. Flavor of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [The Flavor of Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cuIpPWDV08&list=RD5cuIpPWDV08&start_radio=1) by Utada Hikaru
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

Another month had gone by, and Zhan still hadn’t told Yi Bo he was leaving for Japan the day after graduation. Zhan had tried, but he had yet to gather the courage to say goodbye to Yi Bo. The constant tension he felt while spending time with Yi Bo was very taxing, and it was taking its toll on him. He had lost weight and he had dark circles surrounding his eyes.

If Yi Bo noticed, he kept silent. Zhan would sometimes find Yi Bo eyeing him with an odd expression on his face. It looked like he wanted to ask Zhan something, but he wouldn’t dare to do so. In a way, he made it easier for Zhan, he was exhausted pretending everything was fine with him. He was far from fine. He felt hollow.

Before that night, they had been able to have conversations, not many, but they had been meaningful. Those conversations had been about their dreams and wants. Now, they only exchanged perfunctory pleasantries. The kind of well-mannered exchange you have with an amicable stranger in the subway. Uncompromising, meaningless and polite. 

Even Bo’s kisses, that were so sweet for Zhan before, started leaving a bittersweet aftertaste in Zhan’s mouth. Something was amiss. That fact was extremely clear now.

Zhan felt in a sort of limbo, where he wasn’t moving on, where he was tied up, unable to keep on with his own life. He was expecting something to happen to enable him to keep living. 

He didn’t know what it was like for Bo, in all honesty, he didn’t feel strong enough to inquire about it. He suspected, Bo was fighting his own inner battles, struggling with his private demons so he didn’t want to bother him with his unrest. 

The only sounds that seemed to come across their silences, pregnant and heavy as they were, were the gasps and moans elicited while they were having sex. And it pained Zhan, because now he was fully aware that he desired more from this. That a series of hook-ups was not nearly enough. He had dared to want a full healthy relationship. The gall of him.

Selfish and stupid, that was how he felt now. There had been an unspoken agreement between them, and it used to have clearly defined boundaries. And he was trespassing on them. This want of his, was definitely not in the initial script. He felt treacherous for not respecting their initial terms. This sucked!

But they kept going. They continued meeting every Friday, even though every Friday Zhan felt like he lost a tiny piece of himself. Little by little, he was shattering. Like a slow motion film of a demolition process, plummeting from the foundation and slowly imploding. 

All of this was slowly eating Zhan alive, that state of uncertainty, because now, they were neither fuck buddies nor a couple in love. They were everything and nothing at the same time. But their words had now a certain edge that was certainly hurting them both.

A month from graduation, they still were keeping their Friday meeting on. Yi Bo was picking Zhan up again. He was waiting for him outside of the car, as was his habit. Zhan walked towards the car leisurely. Of course, his body reacted at the sight of Yi Bo. It was a conditional reaction to physical pleasure like a Pavlovian response. But his heart, his heart was another story altogether. He felt a hurtful grip in his chest every time he saw Yi Bo. 

Once inside the car, Yi Bo went for small talk, which in itself, was pretty odd. 

“How was your day, Zhan?”

“It was okay,” was Zhan’s curt response. He felt tired, so tired of pretending that not a thing in the world was bothering him. Yi Bo looked at him unsurely. There was a lot of hesitation in his expression.

“I…I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

“Yes?”

“Is something the matter? You seem…distracted.”

“No, there’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Yi Bo insisted, not at all convinced of Zhan’s truthfulness. 

“Of course. What could be happening to me?” Zhan answered, trying to paste a smile on his face. That smile however, didn’t reach his eyes convincing Yi Bo that something was really off.

“But…” Yi Bo tried to protest, to inquiry even further. 

Zhan retorted somewhat angrily. “Just drive, please,” It was a desperate plea. He was about to break down in front of Yi Bo, and he could not, would not do that. He still had some pride.

Bo knew he shouldn’t insist now. He knew that if he kept on, Zhan would just go away, and he was not ready for that. Not yet, maybe never. 

They reached their hotel and went speedily to their room. Desperation overtook them both, and soon they both forgot about everything else. Once their passion induced high was over, a reality hung over and engulfed Zhan. 

Bo was in the shower, leaving Zhan between the sheets they had just soiled with their passion. He felt as soiled as the linen. He felt dirty, worthless. How could he make Yi Bo love him? Because he had finally realized he was in love, had been in love for a while with Wang Yi Bo. He felt so stupid.

The sudden awareness brought despair to him. He was not enough for Yi Bo, he would never be enough for Yi Bo. He saw it clearly now. Family and social status were obviously more important to Bo, and he…he was just a necessary casualty. Of course Yi Bo would feel bad for him, Bo was not a monster, but in the end, he would never choose him.

He felt nauseous, he struggled to avoid retching, he was hyperventilating, and the walls seemed to close in on him. He threw the bed covers aside and reached for his clothes almost blindly, he was desperate, and he needed to get out of there fast. He was about to pass out. 

He was fumbling with his clothes, trying to get dressed when Bo found him. He was struggling to remain focused on the task at hand. Yi Bo looked at him worriedly. 

“Zhan! What’s happening?”

“I…I need to go.”

“Why?”

“I don’t feel well, I need to go home.”

“But…”

“Please, take me home…please,” was Zhan’s hopeless plea. Yi Bo’s heart broke at Zhan’s state.

“Do you feel ill? Should I take you to a hospital?”

“No! Just take me home.”

Yi Bo helped Zhan get dressed and dressed himself. Half an hour later, Yi Bo parked in front of Zhan’s building main door. 

“Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“But…”

“I just need to rest, Yi Bo. Don’t worry.”

“Zhan…”

“It’s okay…later.”

Zhan got out of the car and all but ran towards his building. He took the elevator because he felt so exhausted he didn’t think he could walk or climb the stairs. 

As soon as he reached his home, tears spilled from his eyes. What a fool! He thought. How could you fall in love with someone that picked you up in the middle of a street? Stupid!

He needed to stop this madness, to stop his own stupidity before it was too late. He was the son of a very wealthy family just like Yi Bo, but he could not conform to anybody’s expectations. He realized that, as painful as it would be, he needed to stop seeing Bo, he had reached a point of no return.

Zhan knew now that he would rather have devotion over diamonds, love over riches, and tenderness over social status. Unfortunately, Yi Bo didn’t share his opinions, so they were doomed as a couple. They had been doomed from the start. Such a pity because now Zhan knew Bo was the one he would gladly share the rest of his life with.

He cried until he fell sleep, pouring his pain through his eyes. He needed to get over it soon. Next week, when Yi Bo called him, he apologized profusely and told him he was still feeling unwell. Yi Bo didn’t seem to buy his explanation but said nothing. Zhan needed to distance himself from Bo. It was a matter of survival. 

Another week passed and Zhan had buried himself in his final projects, wanting to forget, to tame his pain, to anesthetize himself. Friday arrived and this time Yi Bo didn’t call at his usual time. Zhan felt…disappointed. Was he that easy to leave behind?

He wanted to regain hope someday. He hoped he would eventually move on from Yi Bo, he wanted to graduate as soon as possible and flee the country, because if he stayed, he would fall in Yi Bo’s arms again. He wasn’t strong enough to resist him.

He was in the middle of these musings when his doorbell rang. That was odd and he wasn’t expecting a visitor or a delivery. He dragged his feet to the doorway and opened the door in haste. Yi Bo’s face greeted as soon as he opened the door. 

“Are you well?” was the hurried question that left Yi Bo’s lips as a way of greeting.

“Yeah…” was Zhan’s less than eloquent answer.

“I was worried,” Bo’s unfiltered expression hurt Zhan in so many ways that it would qualify as sheer torture. Yi Bo was not supposed to worry about him, to care about him. It’d complicate things for him even more.

Silently, Zhan moved himself out of the way to let Bo in. Yi Bo hesitated, he was crossing a line and he knew it. This was not supposed to happen, ever. This was Zhan’s home and he had just barged in, somewhat politely. Zhan had resignedly allowed him to invade his privacy. He was the worst and he was very aware of it, but he couldn’t help it. He had been worried sick about Zhan.

“Please, have a seat, do you want something, tea, coffee, water?” Zhan was impersonally polite to Bo, or at least he tried to be. Wanting to run away was not an excuse to show bad manners.

“Nothing, thank you.”

Bo complied, and soon Zhan was making excuses to avoid a real conversation, an adult one. He knew that would hurt like nothing else ever did.

“Give me a minute, please. I need some coffee.”

“Of course,” was Bo’s answer.

Zhan took his time to brew a fresh pot of coffee, delaying the unavoidable. _So, this is what you feel when your heart is about to break, huh?_

He poured himself some coffee in his favorite mug, the one he had gotten the first time he had visited Japan, how fitting. He sweetened the beverage to his satisfaction, he moved to the small living room sitting in front of Yi Bo. 

“Are you sure you’re well, Zhan?” Bo shot the question at him as soon as he sat down.

“Well…it’s a relative concept,” Zhan replied. “I’m physically healthy, yeah. But I’m extremely exhausted.”

“Are you having a hard time with your final projects?” Yi Bo wanted to know.

“I was, they are all finished and summited now.”

Bo took a long look at Zhan with an indecipherable expression on his face. It seemed to Zhan that he wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. Zhan tried to break the silence that descended on them.

“How have you been Bo?”

“Busy, worried…”

“What are you worried about?”

“You, mainly,” Bo stated, and that was not fair to Zhan. Not fair at all. 

“You don’t need to, you know?” Zhan told him and took a sip of coffee, wanting to hide behind his mug.

“I know…” Bo’s sad voice was barely a whisper.

“So…graduation. Going to work with your father, like you had planned?”

“Yeah…you?”

This was it. This was the exact moment when he needed to break his own heart. It felt surreal.

“About that… yeah…I…” 

Yi Bo looked at him, suddenly remembering what Zhan’s original plans were. His eyes widened, he paled visibly and a mix of understanding and terror was reflected in his gaze. 

“Did you…?” a visible effort to overcome the lump in his throat made it impossible for Bo to continue. 

Zhan averted his eyes, looking at Bo right now was physically painful. “Yes, I was offered the position.”

“Congratulations!” Yi Bo managed in a shaky voice.

“Thank you,” Zhan whispered.

“When are you traveling?” It was such a simple question, because in Yi Bo’s mind there was not a shred of doubt, Zhan would go. He wouldn’t know Zhan was ready to drop everything if he asked him to.

“The day after graduation.”

“Oh…I thought…it doesn’t matter what I thought.” Yi Bo expected to have a little more time with Zhan after graduation, but it seemed it was not meant to be.

“Did you find a place to live?” Bo went on, because what else could he do now?

“Yeah…that had been…taken care of.”

Yi Bo stood up and started moving towards the door. So, this is it then, he was thinking. 

“Wait!” Zhan all but shouted, closing his eyes, cringing at what he was about to ask.

“Mn,” Bo looked at him.

“Do you want…one last time? Spend the night here?” It seemed he had no sense of self preservation. But fuck that! Just one more time! He saw Bo’s hopeful eyes and sighed. One more time it was.

“Yeah, I would like that.”

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink or something…? Zhan was asking when Yi Bo power-walked to him, took Zhan’s face between his hands, and kissed him. The kiss was a soul searching experience with a hint of desperation with tongues entwined, fighting for dominance. When they came up for air, Zhan took Yi Bo’s hand and silently led him to his bedroom.

Zhan’s bedroom was his sanctuary, the only place in this world not even his mother had visited, it was just for him. Of course, Yi Bo could not know that. He never brought anybody here, neither a boyfriend nor a hook-up. 

There was a large window in front of a king size bed with no headboard to decorate the place. Some abstract paintings decorated the walls giving a splash of color to the soft grey walls. There were some books on one nightstand and a family portrait on the other one. Two wall lamps were placed exactly over the nightstands, lighting the bedroom with a soft warm light. Natural wood tones were used for all the furniture, Yi Bo glanced around the room, and took notice of the sparse but tasteful décor. Everything was so Zhan, simple and beautiful. 

When they approached the bed, Zhan quickly took the portrait and put it face down inside the drawer. He didn’t want his family mixed in with his personal business even indirectly. 

Yi Bo focused on Zhan, and kissed him again. It would be easy, so easy to yield to his passion, to the fire consuming him. But this time, he would not let his senses overcome his rationality. He wanted, he needed to commit this night to memory, to savor every second of his last hours with him. So he took his time, first he undressed Zhan at a leisurely pace, then he took his clothes off.

He wanted to tell Zhan so many things, but he couldn’t so he used his body as a means to convey his message. He opened his senses to perceive Zhan in any way he was able to. He licked his skin, tasting the different flavors in Zhan’s body. He smelled his glorious scent, letting himself become enveloped in it. He touched the softness of his lips, of his skin, the silky sensation that Zhan’s hair produced on his fingers when he ran them through it. He heard his voice, calling his name and whispering sweet nothings. He elicited soft moans and groans that promised him so much more for the night. Finally, he looked at him, a delectable image that he could never forget. Ever.

Yi Bo charted Zhan’s skin with his tongue, marking it, creating landmarks of no use in the future except to take residence in his memories. He caressed him and it was Zhan who finally surrendered in this silent battle. 

“Please Bo, please…”

“What do you want?”

“I need…”

“What do you need?”

“You…”

“I’ve got you. I’m here…”

He stopped the teasing and caressing and turned suddenly serious. He prepped Zhan adequately, and when he judged him ready, he entered into him. 

Zhan let it go, let himself go and loved Bo that night. Nothing he said that night was careless or a product of the heat of the moment. He was sincere and put his own heart in display, for Bo to see it. He offered his being to Bo, but Bo was not able to see the offering that Zhan gave to him.

Bo didn’t want to listen, he was not ready so he misunderstood Zhan, underestimating the gift Zhan had given to him. After they reached their respective climax, Bo held Zhan on his chest, biding his time. 

Soon enough, they both fell asleep. Zhan woke up before Bo, and he took time to admire his sleeping profile. He caressed his face and whispered in his ear, “I love you.”

Of course, Yi Bo hadn’t heard him, but his confession allowed him to breathe more easily. Thinking about what he would say to Yi Bo when morning came, he fell asleep again.

Yi Bo woke up around five in the morning and looked at Zhan, who was sleeping peacefully. The marks that littered his alabaster skin had been created by him and he felt oddly proud of them. He wished, how he wished things were different. Carefully, he untangled himself from Zhan. He didn’t want to wake him.

He padded to the living room and found some post-it notes on Zhan’s desk. He took one and scribbled a few words. He needed to go, he was not expected anywhere else, but he couldn’t say goodbye to Zhan. That was just not among his physical capabilities.

He went back to Zhan’s bedroom, took a last look at Zhan’s body and gave in to the temptation of caressing his face one more time. He placed a kiss on his forehead leaving his note on the pillow.

In complete silence, he dressed and being careful not to disturb Zhan, he left the apartment. 

It was almost eight in the morning when Zhan woke up again. His hand unconsciously reached out, looking for Bo. He just found an empty space in his bed, which speeded his waking up process. He sat up on the bed and looked around disconcerted. He was alone. 

A piece of paper on the pillow attracted his attention. It was a note, a simple note saying _–Good luck, thank you._ And he felt numb inside. He had to, because the pain threatened to kill him. His heart hurt, his being hurt. 

His eyes involuntarily spilled tears he didn’t know he was holding. He knew his heart, which had been holding himself together out of sheer will, had just broken. No complaints though, he had loved, truly loved gambling his heart and soul in the process, and lost. It was part of the game. 

He had just discovered that life indeed had a particular taste. He perceived with his tongue. The flavor of life was bittersweet. He had learned something new today.   
Unable to get up, he laid in bed hoping that one day, he would feel like himself again. Hoping against hope to overcome his pain.  
*  
Yi Bo had left Zhan’s apartment like a vulgar thief. He had been a coward and he knew it. He just couldn’t face Zhan, he couldn’t say goodbye. He hopped into his car and started driving. 

After a few minutes, his vision was blurry. At first he thought his windshield was fogged. Soon he discovered it wasn’t the car’s windshield but his eyes that were misty. 

Eventually, he couldn’t drive anymore. He had to pull over in a public parking lot because he needed to cry. And he did just that.


	6. Can you hold me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Can You Hold Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it32D88FlTQ) by NF ft. Britt Nicole
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks and suscriptions! They really encourage me.

The next two weeks Zhan stayed in a drowsy state, only half aware, and half unconscious about what was happening around him. His mother had been more than happy to take care of the details for the graduation ceremony, and he just let her be. Everything seemed pointless to him now, and the only thing required from him was his presence, not his awareness.

He was lucky enough that his ceremony was held two hours apart from the one for the Civil Engineering department. He really didn’t feel strong enough to face Bo, so avoidance was his modus operandi for now, and he felt perfectly satisfied with it.

The ceremony was held on a Friday _–of all days-_ and went as smoothly as expected. His family was proud and happy with his accomplishments. He felt like a total dick for not giving a flying fuck about any of it. It seemed to him that his body was just a prop in the middle of a theater play: an object staying in the place where Xiao Zhan, the person, was supposed to be. His body served as a landmark for his expected location, just a sign to ensure he wouldn’t get lost, to avoid getting swallowed by the sea of people that surrounded him. 

He had gone through the motions like an automaton, like a soulless being that just moved out of need. He accepted congratulations from people he barely knew with as much grace as he could muster, some of them he could not even identify. He plastered a fake smile on his face and went on.

He felt completely lost for the first time in his life, it was terrifying. All he wanted to do was to escape, to go away, he couldn’t stand Bo’s proximity. Knowing that they were nothing to one another was killing him. Right now, he would have preferred to stay Bo’s dirty little secret. That would have been much more preferable than this utter void he was living with.

But it was too late now, their goodbyes had been… well, _not said _per se, but they had been more than implied. Now he had no other choice than to go on with his plans, with his life.__

__After a family farewell dinner organized by his mother, - who had opted for a very intimate affair with just the three of them instead of a grandiose event - for which he was very grateful. He returned to his apartment to spend his last night in China for at least a year alone, he still had last minute packing to do._ _

__His mother had convinced him not to return to China for the New Year’s celebration, but instead his parents would travel to visit him. He suspected his mother just wanted to go on a shopping spree over there, but he was willing to accommodate her plans, because they fit perfectly with his own. Not coming back for the holidays was just perfect for him._ _

__He knew he was being agreeable to his mother’s plans more than he was comfortable with lately, but for now, he wasn’t in the mood to fight her outrageous ideas. He went as far as to relinquish control on where he was going to live in Tokyo._ _

__It had been his mother who went house hunting, and chose his apartment. He even let her hire a decorator, so of course the woman was in seventh heaven because of his sudden docility._ _

__The truth was he didn’t fucking care at the moment. It was easier to let her have her way, and that helped him to understand Bo a little more. He could appreciate the convenience of going along with your elder’s wishes. And for meaningless stuff like this, he could agree. But he was damned if he would allow anybody to dictate how he was going to live his own life._ _

__Once in his bedroom, he did his best to avoid thinking. He was exhausted and had an early flight the next day so he took a quick shower and went directly to bed to sleep the whole night without a single dream._ _

__The next day, he got up early and had a light breakfast. His mother had insisted on keeping food in his fridge, she promised him to take care of his apartment during his absence, so he wasn’t afraid of finding his home in an insalubrious condition when he came back._ _

__He didn’t want to drive to the airport so he hired a town car to pick him up. His parents would go directly to Pudong International Airport to wish him farewell and give him their last minute advice for sure. An employee from his father’s office was in Tokyo in an extended business trip, so he was going to pick Zhan up at the Narita Airport and would drive him to his new home._ _

__In all honesty, he didn’t have the slightest idea what his mom had chosen for him or where it was located. She, of course, had given him plenty of details about both subjects, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember a thing._ _

__As soon as his driver pulled over in the passenger dropping area, he watched as his mother’s chauffeur approached the car to take care of the baggage, which meant his parents were already there, waiting for him._ _

__He located them soon enough and watched his mother struggle with her own emotions. She all but ran to embrace him and kissed his cheek, which was a common occurrence when they were at home, but was extremely rare in public._ _

__“Do you have enough suitable clothes for each season?” She asked him when she was confident enough to control her own voice._ _

__“Mom, I’m going to Japan, not the wilderness. I’m sure I can find something to buy if I need to,” he replied very amused at his mother’s main concern._ _

__“Please, take care of yourself, eat well and make sure to get enough sleep. Try not to overwork,” she kept on because a deluge of emotions threatened to make her cry. And she, of course, was well above of becoming a public spectacle in the middle of Pudong Airport. She would conduct herself with utmost dignity no matter what. Besides, crying would ruin her make-up, so that was a no._ _

__Zhan was, for once, grateful for his mother’s behavior. It was dangerous to let go of his own restraint and start crying even on the account of his mother and their farewell. He was not completely sure he could stop if he started._ _

__“Be polite, Zhan. Remember you are not only representing yourself, but also our family and maybe our country. Always remember your place and your manners.”_ _

__“Of course mom,” if tears weren’t threatening to spill from his eyes, he would be so amused by his mother’s ramble._ _

__His father, always the mediator, intervened before both of them started to cry. “Take care, son. Work hard like you always do, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you need anything, you know where to find us. Mr. Zhen will be waiting for you at Narita. He will take you to your new home.”_ _

__“I’ll be in touch dad,” Zhan replied. It had always been easier for him to deal with his dad. They both were very similar, they tried to avoid drama at all costs._ _

__“Son…I’m so proud of you,” his father told him and hugged him at the same time. It was always the same with his father, very few concise words and a world of action._ _

__Zhan just nodded, letting his dad know he understood and valued his words. They were a huge deal to him. It was time for him to go through security so he said his goodbyes, kissed both his parents and went inside._ _

__His complete attention was on his family so he didn’t notice a young man wearing a pair of sunglasses watching the scene from afar. The man that could not say goodbye to Zhan and yet, he had come to see him go._ _

__*  
The flight had been an uneventful one. He had been completely exhausted and he hadn’t even noticed it before, so he slept for the complete duration of the trip. He was woken up by the stewardess to remind him to straighten his seat and put the seatbelt on, they were already preparing for landing._ _

__He passed through immigration and customs without a hitch and Mr. Zhen found him when he got out, luggage in hand after it was picked up from the carrousel.  
A town car was waiting for them and it was at that moment that he realized he had let his mother decide on everything his day to day life outside work was going to be. Fuck! He thought, what have I done?_ _

__It was too late and soon enough his worst fears were confirmed. Of course, his position as an intern would provide him of some income. Nothing to write home about, but decent enough for an entry position. But then, the car moved in the direction of Minato-ku and Zhan took a deep breath and cringed._ _

__Of fucking course, his mom looked for an apartment in one of the upscale neighborhoods of Tokyo. Hesitantly, grasping on the last threads of hope he possessed, he asked Mr. Zhen for clarification._ _

__“Excuse me, where exactly is the apartment located?”_ _

__“Mr. Xiao, you’re very lucky. Your parents got an apartment on the Minato-ku for you.”_ _

__He fucking knew it! How was he supposed to even pay the maintenance fee in such a place?_ _

__“Do you know the name of the street?”_ _

__“Of course, it’s on Shiba street. You are close to two subway stations, one at a 4-minute walk away and another one an 11-minute walk. Your closest station is Shiba-Koen.”_ _

__He inquired again about the exact address and looked for it using his phone. His soon-to-be apartment was still listed for sale. It seemed the realtor had forgotten to take the advertisement off of the website. That was how he learned his parents had just paid close to 1.4M US dollars for his humble abode._ _

__Zhan felt like crap. Why had his parents spent so much money? He was sure it had been his mother’s idea. His father would just go along to fulfill her wishes. Maybe he was seeing this like some kind of investment, he really didn’t know. It posed another problem, how could he invite any of his future co-workers to his place without having to explain himself about his home? That would totally alienate some of them._ _

__He had wanted to make friends, to belong. Now, an extra effort would be required, but it was okay. What worried him most was what kind of décor his mother had chosen for his new home._ _

__Soon enough they arrived at the building, which looked impressive located at the corner of two main streets. Crossing the main entryway he admired the light marble flooring, and the tridimensional dark wood carvings that decorated the walls and ceiling. The space was well lit, which helped to balance the dark wood tones. All the way to the elevators, there were marble tiles decorating floors and walls. Marble everywhere!_ _

__They rode the elevator in silence until they reached the 11th floor. Long corridors expanded right and left from the elevator location, but as far as he could see, there were only four doorways on the whole floor. So he would have only three apartment occupants as floor neighbors._ _

__Finally, they reached the apartment’s door. The number on the door was 111, and as soon as they entered Zhan knew he had fucked up royally by allowing his mother a free reign decorating his place._ _

__Mr. Zhen gave him a quick tour to show him the apartment layout. It was a two-bedroom apartment. One of them was the master bedroom, and the other one was slightly smaller. Both shared a common balcony with floor to ceiling sliding glass doors to access it. A common area was shared by the living and dining rooms directly in front of an open kitchen. A lavatory and a bathroom with dressing area were the rest of it. It was similar to his apartment back home in space, and that was about it._ _

__His mother had used her impeccable taste to select the decor, and the place look stunningly similar to his parents’ house back home. He didn’t abhor it, as it brought childhood memories, good memories. However, the place looked impersonal to him. It was devoid of anything that could indicate his tastes or preferences. He felt…like a stranger, like a visitor. It was not welcoming for him at all._ _

__At last, Mr. Zhen gave him a large envelope and his keys intending to say goodbye. Zhan thanked him for his attentions, bowed low and walked him to the door.  
“If there is anything else you need Mr. Xiao, I’ll be in Tokyo for the next two weeks.”_ _

__“I appreciate it Mr. Zhen, but don’t worry. I’ll fare well by myself. Don’t be distracted or worried on my account.”_ _

__After the man left, he huffed and braced himself, hesitantly he opened the envelope and took out its contents. The deed for the apartment was there, his name was on it, and he cringed as soon as he read it. There were documents for a bank account, a credit card, a debit card and instructions to get a driver license since a car had already been purchased for him. He groaned in frustration._ _

__But he had no one else to blame, since it was his fault completely. He knew his mom, she had always been like this. When she had a goal in mind, she would see it was achieved. Her goal of course was for him to be comfortable. However, her concept of comfortable was not the same as his. For her, comfort and luxury were the same thing, and it was not her fault it was just her upbringing. She came from old money and nobody understood at first why she had chosen Zhan’s father as her husband going against her own family._ _

__Growing up in the Zhao family entitled her with a world of privilege. She had been raised like a princess. She and her sister, her only sibling, were the last direct descendants of the family’s main branch, so marrying a commoner from the working class, like his father, must have represented a real challenge in itself. His mother had always looked deceptively fragile, however he knew her bones were made of pure steel, so he kind of pitied the fool that dared to oppose her wishes._ _

__A throbbing headache was starting for him, he had to massage the bridge of his nose to calm himself. He needed to call his parents to clarify some things. His dad answered after the first ring._ _

__“Hi, dad?”_ _

__“Yes son, is everything all right?”_ _

__“Yeah dad. I just arrived at the apartment. Mr. Zhen just left, the flight was uneventful.”_ _

__“I’m glad Zhan,” he could hear relief in his dad’s voice._ _

__“Thanks dad, can I ask you a question?”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__“Why did you buy this place?”_ _

__“Well, your mother found it adequate. But it’s also an investment.”_ _

__“But…it’s in my name.”_ _

__“Well, eventually everything will be yours. Besides, it’s for tax purposes.”_ _

__“Is it really?”_ _

__“Yes, and it’s also your graduation present.”_ _

__“You shouldn’t have, really.”_ _

__“But we wanted to,” and Zhan was disarmed. His father rarely expressed his own wants or demanded anything from him, so he knew he was going to concede.__

____

____

__“If you wanted to, then it’s okay dad. Thank you.”_ _

__The silence of the line was an indicative of the strong emotion overcoming his father, so Zhan gave him all the time he needed before speaking again. It was his father who broke the silence._ _

__“Your mom wants to talk to you.”_ _

__“Of course dad,” he disagreed with them, but he knew they were just trying to show him they cared, so it was time to accept and endure._ _

__“Hello, Zhan?” his mother’s voice sounded in the telephone._ _

__“Hi mom.”_ _

__“How are you?”_ _

__“I’m tired mom, but okay.”_ _

__“Did you like the apartment?” He could hear a hopeful anticipation for his approval in his mom’s voice. As much as he disagreed with her, he loved her so he knew not to be an ungrateful bastard to her._ _

__“Yes, mom. It’s…perfect,” he faltered a little along his lie._ _

__“I know, right? You can’t go wrong with classic elegance.”_ _

__“You’re right, mom.”_ _

__“You need to rest. Call us when you have settled down dear.”_ _

__“I will mom,” he said before his mother cut the call._ _

__His headache was in full force now. Had he been that despondent to let this travesty happen? The answer was, of course, yes. He had been moping about leaving Bo and moving to another country. He had been heartbroken. And the consequences were here for him to live with them._ _

__He’d have to make do and go on with his life. He had decided to take the offer. It had been him who decided to leave China. So he should shoulder the consequences._ _

__Going to the kitchen to explore in more detail, he found a little solace in a very sophisticated coffee maker device his mother had been thoughtful enough to buy for him. Of course, the pantry was full so he found a bag of coffee beans with a delicious aroma and proceeded to prepare his favorite beverage._ _

__When he finished his coffee, he felt like a human being again. It was getting late and he was more tired than hungry, so he decided on skipping dinner in favor of going to sleep. Tomorrow, he would need to go explore the neighborhood and unpack, since he needed to go to work the day after that._ _

__Taking a quick shower and preparing for bed took almost no time. He was just desperate to borrow some oblivion from the dreamless nights he had been experiencing for some time now._ _

__He slept the whole night and woke up early the next morning not feeling rested at all and very hungry. He dared to open the fridge and found it full, so he decided to prepare some breakfast for himself before exploring the building’s surroundings._ _

__Unpacking became his priority, a sudden desperation to find something about himself inside this otherwise sterile apartment overtook him. Sure, his mother and her decorator had hung paintings and located vases and sculptures all around the place, but there was not a single hint of his personality there. He felt like he was in one of those luxury hotels Bo used to take him to. Everything around him felt impersonal._ _

__A family portrait found its way to his nightstand, some small paintings he brought from his home were soon hanging on the walls. His clothes were hanging in his closet, but he still felt it was not enough._ _

__Exhausted, he forwent going out to explore and decided to go to sleep again. Monday arrived too fast for his taste, and armed with a map, he began his quest to find his way to the firm’s office._ _

__His first day there was good. He felt welcome, but the opportunity to meet his idol didn’t present. He was out of the country. Soon, a desk was assigned to him and his abilities were put to test._ _

__Easy camaraderie was the tone of work relationships there, so soon enough he felt at ease and confident. The projects assigned to him were slowly absorbing all his time.  
When Ando sensei returned, he had already established himself in the office as a hard worker, quick learner and brilliant young architect. He found himself happy to be immersed in his work. It kept him from thinking and he welcomed that situation. He knew, deep down, it wasn’t healthy. All this avoidance wouldn’t end well, but for now, it was enough._ _

__New Year celebrations arrived without him even noticing, and his parents came to visit like they had promised. Their visit helped him continue down his path of avoidance with more ease than his loneliness would. His mother insisted on taking him shopping and he went along because he was too weak to fight, so he just decided to please her.  
But his parents could not stay with him beyond a couple of weeks and too soon for him, they returned home and he was alone again. His thoughts and memories were sometimes his only companions, especially on weekends. _ _

__At that moment, it seemed he could only draw some kind of fulfillment from his work. Even his sex life was withering. He felt no drive to find a sexual partner and his self-gratification experiences became an odd occurrence, since every time he attempted to touch himself, an image of Yi Bo would appear in his mind._ _

__He was sliding into an abyss, slowly but surely. He was aware of it, and yet, he felt powerless to do something about it. But life went on, and the sakura season was looming in the horizon._ _

__He felt the excitement that filled the air around him. It cheered him up for a while. He wanted to witness their blossoming, because deep down he felt some hope. Maybe, if he witnessed their blossom, he would somehow blossom again. Maybe then, his heart would defrost a little, allowing him to feel…something, anything really. He just wanted to be able to feel something again other than his utter exhaustion and disheartenment._ _

__A moment of awareness came to him, he suddenly realized he hadn’t smoked a cigarette since he arrived in Japan, which meant he hadn’t felt any kind of nervousness or excitement at all. Not even the pressure his work position entitled had made him wish for a cigarette._ _

__His job was professionally fulfilling enough, but his personal life... scratch that, his complete lack of personal life was taking a toll on his psyche. His coworkers were nice, and sometimes he would go out with them. They were a good group of people and the work environment was exceptionally positive, but he hadn’t connected with any of them on a personal level. They were just that - coworkers, acquaintances not friends. So he felt lonely most of the time when he wasn’t working._ _

__Feeling like a clingy child, he had to admit it, he missed his home, his family, his friends, but it was Yi Bo who he missed the most. Sometimes, he would physically ache missing his touch, wishing Bo would hold him just for a little while, knowing that human gesture alone would comfort him._ _

__So when the sakura blossomed, he would watch them every day enjoying the visage they offered, feeling his heart warm a little bit. Unfortunately for him, a sakura’s full blossom lasts about two weeks. So when the sakura petals fell, his spirits fell as well._ _

__Such a short time of reprieve reminded him that everything in life is ephemeral. Like a sakura’s life, his time with Yi Bo had been fleeting. It had been precious, but he hadn’t realized at the time and it wasn’t treasured properly. And now, what he wished most was to be held in Yi Bo’s arms one more time. One last time would be enough._ _


	7. A Fleur de Toi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [@JJSin2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ A Fleur de Toi ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eHNB-jvOa8)by Slimane
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks and comments! They really encourage me.
> 
> Note that the list of characters changed.

The beep from his phone took him out of his reverie. He had been extremely focused on his work all morning and for sure it was her reminding him to have lunch. He read the message, and knew he had been right. He was almost always right about things related to her.

The next beep announced another message from her, he needed to pick up his new tuxedo from the tailor’s shop this afternoon. Shit, he had almost forgotten. He looked at the time on his watch, noting it was around noon. Then he checked his schedule for the afternoon and felt relieved when he noticed he was mostly free. So a trip to the tailor’s and to his hairdresser to get his hair cut and then maybe a facial treatment were in order. He wouldn’t want to look unkempt for tomorrow’s big event. He asked his secretary to make the appropriate appointments, and kept working during his lunch time.

The project they were working on for the company was the most important one they had managed to date. His father had put him in charge of everything related to it, so he was feeling the pressure and he had been working long hours for quite some time now. 

As vice president of the Wang Construction Company, he needed to present himself at his very best appearance, and tomorrow’s party marked the closing of the most important deal their company had ever signed. This contract, if they delivered as they had promised, would make them the biggest construction company in Asia. 

His girlfriend had been instrumental in getting the deal and keeping him in line, not allowing him to be swallowed by the pressure. Her kindness and attentiveness to detail never ceased to amaze him. He had been really lucky to meet her. A serendipitous event had brought them together; another inane charity ball his mother had practically forced him to attend. That had been the first time he had laid his eyes on Lulu.

Wrapped in one of Lan Yu’s designed gowns, she had looked ethereal. For a moment, her eyes and her delicate figure reminded him of another beautiful creature. But the resemblance had been fleeting to his eyes, fast enough in passing to be discarded almost immediately. 

What he perceived instead was an unmistakable air of sadness with a hint of anxiety on her face. She looked really preoccupied by something that was, of course, not discussed at the time when they first met. 

Watching his own mother being obsequious to that young lady surprised him and intrigued him at the same time. He knew his mother was a proud woman, perfectly aware of her standing in society, and yet, it was obvious to him she wanted to be in Lulu’s good graces. He wondered why.

Later, after that party was over, his mother explained to him that Lulu was part of a very important family, which could trace their ancestors for almost a thousand years. Of course, their social circle was very closed and exclusive, and his mother had never been able to enter into it in spite of being who she was. So she wanted him to nurture a friendship with her, maybe something more. 

At first, he had been extremely reluctant to follow his mother’s wishes and befriend Lulu. Zhan’s departure had taken place eight months ago, and although he had been disinclined to do so, he had to accept that he was heartbroken by it. He had been short-sighted during his time with Zhan, not realizing his growing feelings for him. Now it was too late.

The first three months had been the worst, he had lost his appetite and basically his will to do anything. Only his sense of duty towards his family had made him get up every morning and go to work. He had lost a lot of weight during that period of time. 

Later on, he had just kept going by inertia. After some time, his mother had coerced him to attend social functions using his sense of duty towards his family as leverage, and he just grew accustomed to it, but he didn’t enjoy them at all.

So the mere thought of courting Lulu looked like an impossible task for him. She was a very attractive woman, but she did not appeal to him. However, fate seemed to decide for him without considering his needs and wants, and soon enough their shared social engagements brought them together in several occasions. 

Navigating high society parties, where the average age of the attendees was around ten years older than you, was not an easy task for any of them. So they decided to take refuge in one another at such events. Finding out that they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company was a pleasant surprise for both of them.

It was at one of these parties where Lulu took the initiative and invited him for a cup of coffee the next day.

“Have you realized that we never really talk at these events, Yi Bo?”

“We are not supposed to talk here, I call this fake socializing. You don’t really socialize with anybody, but you’re supposed to talk to everyone.”

She couldn’t contain her laugh, “You’re hilarious. Do you know that?”

“I’ve been called many things but that,” he deadpanned.

“It’s the face. You always look so serious,” she stated playfully. 

“Well, I’m serious about my commitments,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Like attending boring parties out of obligation?” she went on.

“Exactly like that,” he said smiling.

“You know, I’d like to be your friend Yi Bo,” she told him, looking into his eyes.

“Aren’t we friends already?” he questioned, with just a touch of irony in his voice.

“Don’t jest. I want us to be real friends, the sort that know each other and actually care for the other person.”

“Oh, that kind of friends,” Yi Bo said with a smirk on his face, really amused. 

“Yeah, what do you say?” she asked looking at him with big innocent eyes, and he was disarmed. 

“Of course,” he answered softly, extremely moved by her sincerity. 

“So do you have time for a cup of coffee tomorrow afternoon?”

He checked his agenda on his cellphone and he indeed had some free time the next day.

“Is five o’clock good for you?”

“It’s perfect!” she replied giving him the address of her favorite coffee shop.

The rest of the function he managed to actually relax a little bit and didn’t suffer so much with the stiff environment. 

He arrived to the venue the next day, and Bo was pleasantly surprised the coffee shop was actually a cozy place in the middle of a busy street and not a super luxurious place for chic people. She was already waiting for him at a table. Waiving at him, she caught his attention.

They greeted each other and Yi Bo sat down and ordered himself a cup of black coffee. A deluge of memories invaded him, he remembered the time he invited Zhan for a cup of coffee after accidentally meeting him outside Professor Han’s office. Zhan, everything came back to him every time.

At that time, he couldn’t explain, even to himself, what had possessed him to wait for Zhan at Professor’s Han doorway. He had just stayed rooted in his position trying to look casual while waiting for Zhan to come out, but inside he was so nervous. Seeing Zhan again had thrown him out of balance. He was lost in his memories so he wasn’t paying attention to her. 

Lulu was looking at him with curious eyes. It seemed he had just spaced out in the middle of their conversation.

“Can I ask you something Yi Bo?” she questioned him, effectively taking him out of his musing.

“Sorry about that. Of course.”

“You know, the day we were introduced you seemed so…sad. Were you sad?”

Yi Bo had to think about it before answering her. Had he been sad? Was he still sad? He hadn’t taken the time to analyze his own emotions in the mist of the whirlwind he had been thrown at in his job. His work responsibilities were effectively absorbing all his time.

“Yes,” he spoke timidly. “I think I was.”

A soft understanding look appeared on her face. “Are you still sad, Yi Bo?” she asked, her voice sounded sympathetic and tender at the same time.

Bo stayed silent for an instant, thinking hard. Pondering if he could be sincere about his feelings with her, but most importantly, if he could be honest to himself.  
“I think I am, Lulu,” he said in a small voice.

And just like that, she smiled sweetly at him and stopped asking him questions. She just let him be, and he had been most grateful about it. When he dared to talk again, regaining control of his emotions he asked her.

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but you also looked sad and anxious the day we met. Am I right?”

Her eyes widened for an instant, and a sad smile appeared on her face. 

“You’re very observant Yi Bo. Here I thought nobody would be able to see through my façade. I was very worried about a member of my family. They were not well, and I couldn’t be at their side at the time.”

“Is that person close to you?”

“We are very close to each other, but they went abroad and became unwell over there, so I was worried. I’m still worried about them. They’re better now, though.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“It is Yi Bo. I haven’t had the opportunity to visit them. It’s not the right time for them, I hope to see them soon however,” she smiled sweetly at him.

“Do I know them?” Yi Bo gave in to an unexpected curiosity. It was unbecoming of him to pry like that. He didn’t know what had come over him.

“No, you don’t. Or at least I don’t think so. They’ve been lucky enough to avoid our social circle and their social obligations until now. Not many people actually know we are related. They’re very independent.”

“I see,” Yi Bo told her, his curiosity actually increased. He seemed to be very invested in the topic without knowing why.

“We shouldn’t talk anymore about them. We must respect their wish for privacy,” and that closed the topic definitively. She never spoke about the person with Yi Bo again.

The fact that she refused to gossip or even comment about her family made Yi Bo appreciate her a lot. On the surface, she could pass for a frivolous heiress. She was always impeccably dressed, her style merged magnificently the current fashion trends with a classic style selecting what she obviously knew favored her the most, her hair and make-up were at their very best at all times. But all of it was just the front she presented to the world, her first line of defense. Deep down, she had a kind heart and always tried to take care for those dear to her. 

Their friendship grew stronger with time. They were comfortable enough with each other’s company, so naturally he started to act as her date for many social events. Yi Bo found some solace from his heartbreaking loneliness in her company, he realized she was actually helping him to heal his heart slowly.

Soon people started talking about them. What a wonderful couple they made. How they were a match made in heaven. How beautiful they looked together. But really, for Yi Bo she was just a dear friend. 

Even his own mother was deceived by appearances. She was, of course, thrilled by the prospect of acquiring such an ideal daughter-in-law. Not only would she provide her a ticket to the social circle Bo’s mother yearned to belong to, but also she was perfect for the role of Yi Bo’s wife. 

Paradoxically, even Yi Bo had to admit he wouldn’t find a more perfect woman for a wife if he wished for one, and yet, he didn’t feel any sexual attraction towards her. Rationally, he knew she was stunningly beautiful, with a perfect figure, impeccable manners and unparalleled breeding. But not even those flawless traits, made him see her _that_ way.

In fact, Yi Bo couldn’t see anybody _that_ way. His body still missed Zhan’s skin, his lips craved for Zhan’s mouth, his soul longed for Zhan’s entire being. He could not move on. He still missed Zhan dearly.

When Zhan had let him know he was going to follow his dream and go to Japan, he had felt the ground below his feet crumble. He had been so shaken by the news that he had fled Zhan’s apartment like a thief. But he hadn’t been able to resist the temptation of seeing him one last time. He knew Zhan would travel right after graduation so he researched the departure times of all the flights leaving Pudong to Narita Airport that day. 

Yi Bo had arrived early, camping himself in the passenger dropping area and waited. He watched Zhan’s parents arrive before him. He had identified them immediately seeing the likeness of both of them in Zhan’s features. So he discretely followed them from afar. 

He spotted Zhan as soon as he arrived, and looked at the intense greeting between Zhan and his mother. He watched enraptured as Zhan and his parents said their farewells. He felt a pang of something in his heart as he finally watched Zhan enter into the security checkpoint area. 

At last, he gave up any hope he didn’t even realize he was holding, so he turned around and left the airport. Afterwards, an ocean of loneliness engulfed him.  
He hadn’t looked for a sexual partner after Zhan left, and he wasn’t in any kind of hurry to find another one. His memories were enough for him. 

Zhan had been gone for a little more than a year and a half when Lulu requested to talk to him. She had just returned from an impromptu trip abroad. She hadn’t cared to explain where she went or why, but Bo could respect her need for secrecy. However, she sounded serious when she had asked for them to meet, so he became slightly worried about their conversation. One personality trait Xuan Lu undoubtedly had was her straightforwardness. So, after exchanging pleasantries as a greeting, she just opened their conversation direct to the point.

“Would you date me Yi Bo?” she asked questioned him without preamble.

“What?” he asked really surprised by her question.

“Am I not clear enough?” she asked for clarification.

“Yeah, but…why are you asking that? he asked, taken aback by her line of questioning.

“Because I want to know,” she said. For her it was as simple as that.

“Why now?” he needed to know what had triggered this.

“Well, let’s say some unknown information came to light recently from someone who is very dear to me. This discovery made me think about half-truths and missed opportunities. I don’t want to wonder later about what I could have done differently. I don’t want to plague myself with what-ifs. I want to live my life to the fullest.”

“And?” Yi Bo encouraged her to go on.

“And…I’m attracted to you. I’ve known this for some time now. But first and foremost I’m your friend, so I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing really. I’m just asking a question to see if you would like to explore that possibility.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it doesn’t. No big deal Yi Bo. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, silly.”

Yi Bo became silent. It seemed easy to do it and please Lulu and his own mother at the same time. He would be fulfilling all kinds of expectations from all kinds of people around him. It would even serve their company’s interests since his and Lulu’s fathers had been in touch for months trying to reach an agreement for a huge project. But deep down, something about it felt utterly wrong. Something in his gut told him he would be making a big mistake by accepting what seemed an innocent proposal from his dear friend. 

Afraid of hurting her feelings he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and nodded silently.

Her smile was brilliant, she seemed completely happy. He was happy for her, but for the life of him he could not feel any kind of emotion for himself. This was going to be hard on him, he realized it mere seconds after he had accepted. 

At first, the only noticeable change in their relationship was that they would hold hands in public. That was the most remarkable gesture that reshaped the bond they already shared. 

Yi Bo’s mother had been ecstatic the first time he had walked in an event hand in hand with Lulu. Also, they touched far more now that they were officially _‘dating’_. Of course, he treated her with utmost respect and deference, almost like she was about to break, like a delicate flower. 

Their first kiss was a chaste peck on the lips. The idea of using his tongue while kissing her was unthinkable, he felt just physically incapable of doing so. 

She remained faithful to her word and never pressured him for more. Physical intimacy was just out of the question. Both of them could attribute it to not being at that stage in their relationship, or him being an old-fashioned gentleman, but that was so far from the truth that those reasons really seemed ridiculous to Yi Bo.

The crux of the matter for Yi Bo was that even if he had wanted to get intimate with her, which he didn’t, he could not do it. He had noticed his libido had dwindled drastically since Zhan’s departure to a point where he was basically unable to get an erection without bringing Zhan’s images to his mind. He would definitely not do that to her, to Zhan, or to himself.

Having gone through many sleepless nights he thought about Zhan almost every day. He often wondered how Zhan was, if he was alone, if he had looked for another partner, if he had found one already. All of these questions tortured him a great deal. He missed him, he yearned for him so much it physically pained him.

Even his own senses would deceive him sometimes, and he could swear Zhan’s masculine scent reached his nose, when it was obviously impossible. Other times, he would hear his voice in the middle of a conversation among people as he passed by. These episodes always made him regret his previous decisions. 

He wished he could be strong enough to go against the current, to stand up for the love he discovered too late in his heart. He wished he was able to tell the entire world he was indeed in love, just not with his girlfriend. 

In the middle of many sleepless nights, he would fantasize about going to Japan to look for him. He could find out the address of his office and wait for him outside. He would make him listen about how stupid he had been. Losing Zhan and not being able to see him every week had been enough to open Yi Bo’s eyes and his heart.

Nevertheless, realizing his fantasies would hurt many people, he felt powerless to do anything about it. Besides, there was no guarantee Zhan would even listen to him. He still remembered Zhan’s reluctance to give him his phone number the night they met. Maybe, for Zhan this had been what was planned from the beginning, just a hook-up.< /p>

For Yi Bo, this experience had branded him. He knew now that the way he had envisioned himself as a bisexual was most probably a fallacy. He knew now that he could not marry Lulu ever. He knew now what love felt like.

He felt like a coward, but he wanted to give Lulu what she had requested from him that day, an opportunity. He knew it was a waste of time for both of them and prayed every day she would find another person to fancy. He had even set a time period for their dating, six months. He would give her six months and then he would convince her to remain just friends. And their time was almost up, five months had already gone by.

Bo was hoping this business deal wouldn’t complicate things more for him. After all, the deal they were about to sign had Lulu’s father and uncle as their partners. He expected common sense and common decency to prevail in the end.

And sometimes, when he became overwhelmed by his pain, he would wish to be able to forget Zhan. His brain would long to become amnesic and forget not only Zhan, but also all the commitments and obligations that anchored him to this unbearable reality, making it impossible for him to move on. 

But then he would remember the sweetness of Zhan’s lips and his heart would soar, and he would become weak and wish he never forget a moment spent with him.

Other times, he would just wish for peace, that his memories of Zhan would give him some respite. He’d wish Zhan could leave his thoughts alone for a moment. 

Today, he had things to do and places to be. In a total perfunctory manner, he went to the tailor’s shop and picked his tux for tomorrow’s event, he visited his hairdresser and got a haircut. He was even shaved and convinced that he indeed needed a revitalizing skin mask. 

After finishing all those errands, he looked at his phone while he was walking towards his car. A new message from Lulu had just arrived. 

_I have a surprise for you tomorrow_ , and Yi Bo wondered what that surprise could possibly be.


	8. Unleashed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Unleashed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBwrbEgRhC0&t=101s) by Epica
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions! They really encourage me.
> 
> Warning: Please note that the list of characters as well as the tags have changed!

“Good evening,” a deep melodic voice brought the hostess at the restaurant’s entryway out of her distracted state. Automatically, she welcomed the arriving guest without really looking at him, her perfunctory smile in place.

“Good evening sir, welcome to Lost Heaven. Do you have a reservation?” she asked him while moving her head to have a glance at him. 

Her eyes widened, the man was truly beautiful. A tall and slender frame, dressed in clothes that fitted perfectly, enticing almond eyes, shoulder length black hair and a tempting mouth filled her eyes. It was not an everyday occurrence at her work place to see someone as breathtaking as he was.

The guest smiled and she felt her knees buckle under the force of that gesture. Wow, what a gorgeous smile! She was getting entranced by it when the guest spoke again.

“I have a reservation for a party of two, under Xiao please.”

She looked at her register and found his name, Mr. Xiao, table for two. “Of course Mr. Xiao, let me take you to your table.

“Has the other person arrived?” he asked. 

“Not yet Mr. Xiao,” she told him, her voice all too sweet for his taste.

“Thanks,” was his neutral answer. He had seen that look on women’s faces before. He’d better keep his distance. He was not here for a potentially embarrassing situation after all. 

While she was guiding him to his table, he took the time to admire the restaurant’s décor. Red hues dominated the space with hints of golden shades. Warm dimmed lights gave the place an air of mystery mixed with coziness. Each table had its own overhead lamp, which conveyed a feeling of intimacy, allowing the people who sat at the same table to clearly see each other, while the rest of the guests faded in the shadows around them.

Zhan was seated in one of the central, most visible tables of the restaurant, nervously waiting. He was truly uncomfortable, feeling exposed with too many prying eyes on him. He knew what he looked like and his looks frequently made him a target of curious and admiring glances. Instead of making him feel flattered, those stares made him feel scrutinized, like he was being studied under the objective lenses of a microscope effectively magnifying his shortcomings. 

However, he had purposely chosen that table for that precise reason. He had been hiding from his demons long enough and it was time to face them. Being the center of attention was one of the things that made him most uncomfortable so he was stubbornly set out to endure it. He needed to learn to control his own emotions so this was an exercise for him.

Unconsciously, he was hiding behind the menu in his hands, but he could not help it. It was one of the many tricks his dear friend had taught him at his most dire hour. He couldn’t stop himself, his mind wandered, remembering his time in Tokyo right after the sakura fell, it had been the lowest point in his entire life. 

**

The warmth that the sakura season had brought to his heart disappeared as soon as the sakura’s petals flowed, carried aimlessly by the wind. It had been a rough week at work. He had been distracted and unfocused, so he had made several costly mistakes. He had apologized profusely and corrected them, but the harm had already been done. His team was behind schedule and it was almost impossible to meet their deadline now.

He felt terrible for his teammates since he was the weakest link at the moment. He was becoming careless not only about his work, but also about life in general. He found himself…despondent. He went as far as forgoing his own personal care routine. Now, his hair was overgrown and shapeless, it looked like an unappealing mop on top of his head. He stopped shaving every day and began losing weight since his appetite had dwindled. 

Now, his only source of personal satisfaction, his work, was slowly slipping away from him. He felt like a failure, like a total loser. Get a fucking grip! He would tell himself every day, and yet he was unable to do so. He couldn’t get over his heartbreak, and on top of that he also felt like shit for hiding the truth from his family.

There was one thing that his parents had always expected from him, and that was the truth. Being true to themselves was their life philosophy, and he had been a coward not telling the complete truth about who he was. Sure, his sexuality never completely defined him as a person, but it was a hefty part of him. 

Work related stress, heartbreak and self-doubt have never been a winning combination on anyone, but at the moment they proved to be a devastating combo wrecking his mind. His body, as well as his psyche had been undermined by his low spirits. 

The last time he had some respite from the excruciating weight of his own negative thoughts was when his parents visited him for New Year celebrations. He still remembered the gift from his mother. She had strongly insisted on buying it for him that he had finally relented and graciously accepted the gift. It had been a gorgeous professional shaving kit with handles made of jade. The exquisite artisanship of the handmade objects had enticed his mother who immediately thought it was perfect for him.

Of course, he knew how to use it. His mother had insisted he trained with a professional barber as soon as he had something on his face that needed to be shaved. She always said that a true gentleman would know how to take care of his own personal appearance in the best possible way. Right at that moment, he wasn’t taking care of his appearance in any way, but honestly, who gave a fuck? He, for sure, didn’t.

He showered every day because he wasn’t an inconsiderate asshole towards the rest of the world. No matter how shitty he felt any given day, he would take a shower unless he purposely avoided being near anyone. He was spiraling down an unknown abyss, he felt it and yet, he felt powerless to stop his own downfall.

*

His anxiety was creeping out from the farthest corner of his brain, the one where he kept all his negative feelings caged. While waiting for his friend, he checked the watch on his wrist noticing he had arrived earlier than their agreed meeting time, so he couldn’t blame his wait on him. He looked again at his watch with a hint of indifferent distaste.  
His Patek Philippe had been chosen exclusively because of the wide rubber bracelet. It was a gift from his mom, she had picked for him after his return to Shanghai. 

His waiter approached the table and offered him something to drink. He was tempted to order a cocktail, after so many months of alcohol abstinence. He was given medical authorization for alcohol consumption a month ago, but he was still unsure about it. So he opted for a safer choice and ordered some tea while he waited.

The lamp above the table lit the space with a warm light, but for some reason, it reminded him of the lights on the emergency room of the Saisekai Central Hospital back in Tokyo, he had the opportunity to watch them first hand in the midst of a semi-conscious state. 

**

It had been a stupid decision on his part, the week had finally ended and although he hadn’t made anymore dumb mistakes at work, he still felt like a total incompetent. He was returning home – _and he was using the term extremely lightly, because he was never able to see his Tokyo apartment as home –_ walking from Shiba-Koen station, when he passed by a convenience store. To this day, he couldn’t explain what had possessed him to enter that place, since his pantry as well as his refrigerator were full. 

He walked through the aisles, looking for nothing specific when he saw a small bottle of cheap Sake. The bottle of Kurosawa Junmai Kimoto seemed to be calling to him, which was of course, completely absurd. Zhan had never been a drinker. Sure, social occasions were one thing, but he had never drunk alcohol alone at home. 

On a whim, he took one bottle from a shelf and went to the cashier to be rung up. Taking the bottle and forgoing the offered bag, he all but ran to his apartment. As soon as he crossed the doorway, he opened the bottle and took a large gulp of Sake. The warm feeling of the liquid traveling down his stomach made him feel alive, or at least more alive than he had felt in almost nine months.

It had been easy to succumb to temptation, so he kept drinking until he finished the bottle and of course, being the lightweight he was, he ended up completely inebriated.< /p>

Most of his memories of that particular day remained foggy. When the initial excitement had passed, he was left with complete despair. He had reached his bottom, there was nowhere else to go. He felt so much pain, that a fleeting idea crossed his mind. What if he ended it all? Would he be missed? Would he be mourned by someone besides his family? 

For sure, he would be free. He would be released from social ties, he could be himself without hiding behind the smoke screen his public persona used every day. He would no longer be a failure, no more lost endeavors for him. The idea made more and more sense to him every time he thought about it. 

It seemed like time was coming for him. Stumbling, he went to the bathroom, where his shaving kit was safely stored and lately unused. He had a plan now, and he needed to be sure of not fucking this up too. 

He went for his shaving kit. Opening the case, he took out the razor, unfolding it and releasing the blade from its handle. He contemplated it, pondering if he would be capable of doing the deed. Was he brave enough or would he behave like the fucking coward he had been lately? 

He sat on his bathroom floor, unsure about following through. Slowly, he brought the razor closer to his wrist. Following an irrational impulse, he slashed it. Fascinated by the blood pouring out of his wrist, he decided to do the same to his other wrist, and soon he was entranced watching his crimson sorrow pour out of his body. 

After who knows how long, he started feeling weak. His shaving razor had ended up on the floor next to him. A morbid satisfaction filled his heart, he had finally done it! For once, he hadn’t been a fucking pussy. 

He closed his eyes, he was silently saying his goodbyes to this world and his family when a memory assaulted his brain. It was a memory of Yi Bo. A memory of him underneath Zhan, the one and only time he had bottomed for him, and Zhan started crying, bitter tears running down his face.

He still missed him, after all this time he longed for nothing more than seeing Yi Bo again. But if his plan succeeded, he would never see him again. Shit, that was unacceptable! He needed to see him again one more time. The situation he was in right now had been the product of a reckless impulse, and he was regretting it already.< /p>

Struggling to find his balance, he stood up. Walking out of the bathroom he went towards the door. Luckily, he still had his wallet on him, taking his keys and putting a black coat on so the bloodstains wouldn’t show, he walked out of the door and rode the elevator down.

One of his last memories of that day was of him hailing a taxi and asking the driver to take him to the nearest hospital. He had been so fucking lucky his apartment was very near to the Saisekai hospital, so the driver took him there. 

He took a bunch of bills out of his wallet without even counting to pay for the taxi fare and got out of the car. Stumbling, he collapsed at the entryway of the emergency room, and then he blacked out. 

*

Lost in his memories, he didn’t feel a presence approaching him from behind. Soon, a pair of hands on his eyes precluded him from seeing anything else. A soft calming voice asked him.

“Guess who I am.”

Just the voice was a giveaway, he would recognize that voice anywhere. 

“Hu-laoshi, stop joking. I know it is you,” he playfully replied.

“You’re not fun Zhan Zhan,“ the man stated while releasing Zhan’s eyes. 

“Maybe it is you who is still too playful,” Zhan said while a small genuine smile formed on his lips. 

The newcomer moved around the table to sit in front of Zhan. A brilliant smile graced his face, he was genuinely glad to see Zhan again after almost five months. 

“How are you Zhan Zhan?” He asked, truly interested on hearing Zhan’s answer. 

“I am better now,” Zhan answered wearing a calm expression on his face. 

“I’m glad,” the other man replied, his expression relaxed by the relief he experienced. 

“What about you Hu-laoshi? How have you been?” 

“Ah, you know, working, busy.”

Zhan looked at the man seated in front of him, his serene expression had been a source of peace for him since their paths had crossed. Involuntarily, his mind went back to Japan, back to the Saisekai hospital, back to the first time he had laid his eyes on Hu Ge. 

**

He had already been moved to his room when he woke up, the curtains around his bed gave him an illusion of privacy. He was still very much disoriented, but the characteristic smell of a hospital was a huge giveaway. 

Still confused, he remembered watching, with an unhealthy fascination, his wrists bleeding slowly. He moved his hands close to his face and examined the bandages around both his wrists. The sudden arrival of the nurse in charge of his care startled him.

“Oh, you’re awake. That’s good,” the nurse said to him. Immediately after, she went on to check his vitals. The thermometer reading showed he was running a low-grade fever. His blood pressure was normal now, it seemed the IV drip was working. She didn’t seem too concerned. 

“Are you hungry?” she asked him. She waited expectantly for his answer. It was like Zhan had suddenly forgotten how to speak Japanese. He tried to answer, he had understood her perfectly, but not a word in Japanese came out of his mouth. Instead, his Mandarin took control of his brain and tongue.

“Not really hungry,” he told her in Mandarin. 

She stood there, unable to understand a single word that came out of his mouth. She was about to call for help when a tall man appeared by his bed. A soft understanding expression graced his face. He spoke to the nurse in fluent Japanese, just like Zhan had been able to do before this _incident_. The nurse handed him Zhan’s chart.

She nodded to the man, who was wearing a doctor’s coat. He must be a physician, Zhan thought. Then she left them alone. The man opened his mouth and spoke to Zhan in Mandarin.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Hu Ge, how are you feeling?”

“Are you Chinese?” was the first thing that came out of Zhan’s mouth. 

“Yes, I am. I’m a visiting physician at this hospital,” the man answered, with a small smile gracing his face. 

Relief flooded Zhan, making feel safe for some unknown reason. Not only did Hu-laoshi speak his language, but he also spoke it beautifully. His soft voice mixed with the cadence of his words were soothing. They reminded Zhan of home and family. The polished accent of Hu-laoshi reminded him of his mother’s accent. 

The calm expression of this man’s face, relaxed Zhan. He felt unconstrained, free, like he had just been unleashed. The man went on in his questioning. 

“Are you feeling better?” the man… no, Hu-laoshi insisted.

“Yeah, just weak and not really hungry,” Zhan offered. 

“It’s natural, but you really should try eating something. It’ll make you feel a little better.”

Zhan nodded in agreement, and in response Hu-laoshi smiled. It was then when Zhan really took account of the man’s beauty. He could be a model, Zhan thought. After that fleeting thought, he tried to concentrate on what Hu-laoshi was trying to tell him. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow. I’m not the physician in charge of your physical health, I’m just visiting the Psychiatry Department, but they found out you’re Chinese and they asked me to help you. We’ll talk tomorrow after you feel better. Get some rest.”

Zhan nodded again, and Hu-laoshi left him to rest. When the next meal time arrived, Zhan dutifully consumed all the food brought to him. He slept after that, he felt so tired. The dreamless sleep that overtook him was a true blessing because he hadn’t slept well for months. 

The next day, after breakfast was served, Hu-laoshi reappeared. He was not alone, another doctor was with him. Hu-laoshi acted as a translator of sorts and helped the other physician communicate with Zhan.

“Can you speak Japanese?” was Hu-laoshi’s first question after their greeting.

“I was able to,” Zhan answered, “but for some reason, now I can’t.” He told Hu-laoshi visible frustrated.

“Don’t worry, it will come back to you. Can you at least understand us when we’re speaking in Japanese?”

“Yes, I can. I can understand everything, but I don’t know why, I can’t speak it,” Zhan told him with a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Okay then, I’ll be here to help you. Don’t worry,” and that single sentence was able to calm Zhan. He truly believed he would be alright. After all, Hu-laoshi would be there to help him. For some inexplicable reason he really believed there was nothing to be afraid of.

*

Zhan smiled remembering the first time he had seen Hu Ge. Of course, the circumstances had been awful for him, but something positive had come out of his ordeal, his friendship with Hu-laoshi was a treasure for him. The savior of his sanity was the title Zhan had given Hu Ge. 

Their waiter chose that moment to come and ask if they needed anything. Zhan’s tea had been served for a while and now it was Hu-laoshi’s turn to order something to drink. Hu Ge also ordered some tea for himself, and both, Zhan and him looked at their menus. 

The waiter returned with Hu Ge’s tea and readily took their order. After he took their menus and went away, their conversation restarted. 

“How are your parents?” Hu Ge asked Zhan. He knew them well enough for that question not to be a perfunctory pleasantry. 

“They are well, preparing for tomorrow’s event,” Zhan answered. 

“I see,” Hu-laoshi told him. “How do you feel about that?”

Zhan laughed a good natured laugh and responded, “Please, stop trying to psychoanalyze me. I’m fine. You know I don’t really enjoy that kind of event, but my parents asked me to be present. I will be working on that project as my father’s representative. It’s the least I can do for them.”

“Will you be able to handle it?” Hu-laoshi asked him, genuinely worried about Zhan’s ability to cope with a large number of people in a formal party and the work related pressure that would surely come after that. 

Zhan smiled, touched by Hu-laoshi’s worry. His dear friend was looking out for him, as always. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Besides, you will be there tomorrow, won’t you? My mom said you RSVP’ed.”

“Yes, I will be there. I even got my tux ready,” he said in a playful manner.

“Really? I have to see that.”

Hu Ge laughed hard at that. “What is there to see?” he asked Zhan playfully.

“Considering that the first six months after we met each other you were wearing a doctor’s coat every day, I’d really want to see you in formal attire.”

“Stop mocking this poor gege, Zhan.”

“I wouldn’t dare!” Zhan replied.

Hu Ge’s smile wound down and his face turned serious. “Are you really ready for that kind of pressure, my friend?”

“I am, I need to be. It’s time I take my position in the company and in my family. My parents have been generous enough to let me have my anonymity until now.”

“But, is it really what you want?”

“It is, don’t worry. I’ll be fine,” Zhan offered with a reassuring smile on his face. 

Hu Ge had been the one to call Zhan’s parents and asked them to visit him at the hospital. He craftily avoided telling them on the phone why Zhan was there in the first place, but he assured them he was out of any danger. He still remember his first encounter with Zhao Lian, Zhan’s mom.

**

Zhao Lian power-walked through the Saisekai Hospital’s entryway, the clacking of her stilettos resonated in the lobby. Without a pause, she went directly to request Dr. Hu Ge’s presence. Her Japanese was terrific, she had been the one to teach Zhan his first words in Japanese when he decided he wanted to learn the language.

Dr. Hu was immediately called and soon enough, he was introducing himself to Zhan’s parents. As delicately as he was able to, he explained to them the nature of Zhan’s injuries. To say Zhan’s dad was in shock, had been an understatement. It was obvious for Hu Ge he was on the verge of tears.

The myriad of emotions that crossed the beautiful face of Zhan’s mother had been another story. He watched her raw pain transformed into pure determination in a speck of time. She collected herself, and an aloof façade covered her face. It had been she who broke the silence.

“Can we see him?” she requested. By then, Zhan’s dad had recovered his composure. They looked calm enough not to disturb Zhan, so Hu Ge asked them to follow him.< /p>

Zhan had been awake when he heard the distinctive clacking of his mother’s steps coming down the corridor. The distinctive sound pattern his mother’s walking produced was unique, and he had learned to discern it from any other sound since infancy. He was a little scared, afraid of their disappointment in his behavior. 

When they finally reached his bed, he saw the sadness in his father’s eyes, but his dad uttered not a single word of reproach. His mother hugged him, as if she needed to verify he was still alive. She gave him a kiss, and silently she directed her gaze towards his wrists. Fast enough so they remained unnoticed, she swallowed her emotions at the sight.

Finally speaking, she asked Dr. Hu if the hospital had private rooms. She wanted Zhan to move to one of them. Zhan was about to protest, saying that he didn’t need one, but she stopped him in his tracks. “Of course you do. You need privacy to relieve the burdens of your heart.”

Dr. Hu or Hu-laoshi like Zhan called him, made the move possible. The next day, Zhan’s parents were sitting in front of him looking worried and at least ten years older than the day before.

Zhan felt guilt gnawing his heart. Why had he done that? He really didn’t know. It was a bad decision on top of a long series of bad decisions. Now he felt tired of lying to his parents, but mainly to himself. On a whim, he told them one of his truths, he told them he was gay.

A soft understanding landed on his father’s eyes, like many things suddenly made sense to him. He said nothing and hugged Zhan. That tender gesture broke the dam of Zhan’s emotions. Tears found their way out of his eyes and the next thing he knew he was openly crying. He tried to apologize, but his mother stopped him.

“I’m sorry,” Zhan said.

“What are you apologizing for? For being the person you are, or for being a mere human with weaknesses like all of us? Listen to me, son,” she went on. “You’re perfect the way you are. Don’t apologize for that. I’m just asking for you to think through the decisions you’ll make from now on, please,” he knew she was really pleading even if it didn’t sound like it.

An acute sense of relief invaded him. Was this what had caused him so much fear? His parents had accepted that part of him, just like they had always accepted the rest of the things that made him who he was. 

His relief must have shown on his face, because his mother smiled for the first time since he had seen her again. 

“Besides,” she broke the silence, “this news has a bright side for me.” His father looked at her like she had just lost her mind. 

“What are you talking about mom?”

“When you find your life-partner and both of you are ready to surrogate, I can actually chose the mother of my grandchildren.”

Zhan was left speechless for a while, then a smile appeared on his face and he started laughing wholeheartedly. Leave it to his mom to break the silence with that idea. When he was able to talk again, he promised her. 

“Of course mom, you would help me pick the mother of your grandchildren someday.” He actually intended to keep that promise to some extent. 

*

“How is your Biǎo mèi?” Hu Ge questioned him, bringing him back to the present time.

“Oh, she is well. She’s dying to see you again, you know?” Zhan answered nonchalantly.

“She’s an upstanding young woman,” Hu-laoshi told Zhan.

“Please, Hu-laoshi. She’s one month younger than me, and you sound like an old grandpa,” Zhan joked.

“Well, she is. She helped you a great deal when she visited you in Japan. I shared a brief time with her, but I could see she cares deeply about you.”

“It’s only natural. Our mothers are sisters, we both are the only child in our families, and we grew up like brother and sister. She is my closest family after my mom and dad.”

“I understand. She looked very worried at that time.”

“Yeah, we had kind of drifted apart before I went to Japan. Both of us busy with our graduation deadlines and…other things,” a pang of longing coursed through Zhan, he thought about Yi Bo at that moment. In fact, it was rare when he didn’t think about Yi Bo, but each time it was less painful. He seemed to have convinced himself to let go.

“What did she study?” Hu Ge asked curious.

“Interior design. She’ll start a spin-off from our family company focused on interior design soon,” Zhan answered.

Meanwhile, their waiter came back with their dishes, and they dug in with gusto. It had been a while since Zhan had been able to eat fully enjoying his meals. Now, it seemed that he was rediscovering Chinese cuisine. Their conversation continued.

“Really?” Hu-laoshi seemed surprised.

“Don’t be fooled, Hu-laoshi. She’s a sharp one. She actually managed to forged the deal we’re about to sign tomorrow. Never underestimate her.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare. Intelligent people must never be underestimated,” he stated seriously.

“Well, we haven’t had the chance to talk much about her life lately, but she told me she had a surprise for me. So, now I’m expectant.”

“But you talk to her?”

“Of course, she’s my confidante. But lately, she had been so focused on me, that I haven’t really been updated about her personal life. So, I want to know what this is about.”

“Nothing bad, I hope,” Hu Ge expressed.

“Nothing coming from her could be bad,” Zhan said absolutely convinced about his words.

“Of course,” Hu Ge accepted.

“By the way, you made quite an impression on her.”

“Did I?”

“Yes, she constantly asks about you. She was ecstatic when she learned you will attend tomorrow’s party.”

“Really, why?”

“She’s a dreamer. Sometimes her imagination runs wild.”

Hu Ge looked at Zhan surprised. If that meant what he thought it did, maybe he had an ally in Zhan’s cousin. He would have to explore that possibility.

**

In the end, Hu-laoshi had become Zhan’s psychiatrist for the first months after his suicide attempt. It was more comfortable for Zhan to speak about his feelings in Mandarin and Hu Ge had a calming effect on his spirit. Eventually, three months after the incident, he could speak Japanese again, but he still preferred Hu Ge as his psychiatrist.

When his Biǎo mèi had come to visit him, he was well on his recovery path, and he could talk to her about Yi Bo. Of course, his actual name had remained a secret, but everything else was not. Zhan had share everything with her, and the most important details of his liaison with Bo had also been shared with Hu Ge.

Both of them had helped Zhan to come to terms with his heartbreak, with his pain. Revealing part of his pain to people dear to him had relieved the burden his heart seemed to carry. He had, of course, spared them from the intimate details of their _‘relationship’_ , but his own feelings were put on display for both to see.

They knew he was still in love with Yi Bo, but they also knew he was in the path of mending his broken heart, and both of them were in fact hoping he would find someone else to love.

He, however, was not in a rush to forget about Yi Bo. He still missed him dearly and some part of him was still hoping against hope they could somehow be together.

When Hu-laoshi‘s time in Japan ended, he referred Zhan to Dr. Tanaka Haruka, a wonderful psychiatrist that had helped him immensely. He had been ready to part from Hu Ge as his doctor, but not as his friend. Since their friendship was forged with Zhan’s pain and tears, it had survived time and distance. 

Nowadays, Hu Ge was a dear friend, and a new psychiatrist was still helping with his damaged psyche and heart. Dr. Yang was now his psychiatrist while Zhan was in Shanghai, and everything seemed to be going well.

*

He caught Hu Ge looking intensely at him, and wondered why. Hu Ge was his friend, he could even call him his best friend so his intense gaze surprised him. 

Hu Ge seemed extremely preoccupied watching at him with a look akin to worry. Zhan couldn’t help but smile and reassure his dear friend, “Don’t worry about anything. I will be fine.”

Somehow, Zhan’s statement didn’t comfort Hu Ge at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know who [Hu Ge](https://hw-media.herworld.com/public/unnamed_1_0.jpg) is, please take a look. You are welcome!


	9. Lost on You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this. Any remaining errors are totally mine.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ Lost on You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7JW5F8d-BM) by LP
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

There was a commotion at the Wang’s residence. Madam Wang had hired an army of stylists, make-up artists and hairdressers to take care of her whole family’s looks for tonight’s event. Even the maids and the butler had been caught in the whirlwind of the activity because of the party, having to feed and help such a large group of people.

Yi Bo was there as well, to please his mother. He couldn’t care any less about his appearance. As far as he was concerned, he had done his part already. He had his hair cut, he was shaved and his skin looked radiant according to the girl that had applied a revitalizing mask on his face the day before. He even got a new custom made tux for tonight.

Nevertheless, his mother had insisted he’d come over to _‘get ready’_. His mother was a bundle of nerves, she was finally going to meet Lulu’s aunt, the veritable queen bee of the highest of the high in Shanghai’s society.

Even Yi Bo’s father had been included in the beautifying combo his mother prepared. Yi Bo still couldn’t understand her insistence for his presence since he had to depart early to pick Lulu up at her home. He was after all, her date for tonight. But as he had become accustomed to doing, he had let his mother have her way. 

*

Zhan arrived early to his parents’ home, his mother had asked him nicely –for a change- to go there first and arrive together as a family to the party venue, which was the original plan. He found himself more docile to his mom’s wishes lately, maybe because he really appreciated the unconditional acceptance he had gotten from both his parents. He had indeed mellowed, and his rebellious behavior seemed to be way in the past. He had even let his mother pick his clothes for tonight. He knew her taste was impeccable and honestly, she knew him well. She would respect his tastes while making sure he looked his best for the occasion.

She was hosting a very lavish party tonight. Of course, the apparent reason for the event was the signing of a very lucrative partnership with a large construction firm to get a huge project in Taiwan. His family owned one of the most important Architecture firms in China. His father and his uncle had founded it, two commoners with immense talent and insuperable work ethics. The fact that his father and uncle had been classmates in the same schools their whole life as well as best friends, had made the situation more convenient. 

Zhan’s dad trusted his uncle completely, he had left the company in his hands while he and his wife had stayed in Japan, helping Zhan recover. It had been his uncle who negotiated this partnership, so Zhan’s dad only had a general idea of it and was not really involved. After Zhan’s ordeal, he felt too tired to get deeply entangled in it, so he had asked Zhan to be in charge of the project. It seemed like a golden opportunity for Zhan to be constantly busy and to step up into his rightful position as his heir.

It had been hard to convince Zhan in the beginning, but his mother had made him see it was time. His dad was getting older and was very tired, so he finally agreed. He had returned to China just last week, so he wasn’t yet very familiar with their counterpart and future business partners. 

His tux was hanging in the closet in his childhood room, his mother had chosen one of Stefano Ricci’s creations. A personal tailor had been sent from Florence to Tokyo to take his measurements, while he had been still there closing his final personal business in the city. 

There was still enough time to get ready, he was looking at his reflection in the mirror when suddenly, self-doubt made its presence known. He looked at his shoulder-length hair, should he cut it? He was about to start in a managerial position maybe it would be more appropriate for him to have short hair. A knock on his door pulled him out of his musings. He walked towards the door still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he still refused to dress formally when he was at home. As soon as he opened the door, he faced his mother. 

“Hi mom,” Zhan greeted her and moved away to let her in.

“How are you today Zhan Zhan?” she questioned him. Lately, she had started to call him Zhan Zhan, his childhood nickname, again.

“I’m okay mom, don’t worry,” he said while a fond smiled appeared on his face. He and his mother had become very close after the incident in Japan.

“Are you going to get ready soon?” his mother asked. Her hair and make-up had already been done, and she looked stunning.

Zhan hesitated, then he encouraged himself to ask for his mother’s opinion. “What do you think mom? Should I cut my hair?”

She looked at him startled by his question. In the past, Zhan would have never asked for her opinion about a matter so personal for him. He had always been so independent and stubborn about what he wanted, and now… she should have been elated about him requesting her opinion, but she wasn’t so sure she liked this change in his behavior.

“Why are you asking this now? Do you want to cut it?” she inquired.

“I…I don’t know mom. I thought…because of work maybe it will be more appropriate to cut it.”

“Do you like it long?” his mother asked him.

“I…kind of do…like it.”

“Then, leave it as it is.”

“But, what will people say?”

She looked at him intensely for a while before saying, “You know son, fuck people! I didn’t know you cared about people and their opinions.” She had left him flabbergasted, he could count with the fingers of one hand the number of times he had heard his mother swear in front of him, and there were fingers left alone.

“Take a shower Zhan,” she ordered him,” the hair stylist will be here in half an hour to help you fix your hair, be ready for her.”

She left the room after that without another word. Zhan was terrified and astonished at the same time. Who was this woman and what had she done to his mother? He felt he had no other option but to obey, so he showered and dressed quickly, mindful of the arrival of the hairdresser. 

He was ready when she finally arrived, beautician’s cart in tow. She asked him to sit and questioned, “Do you want your hair tied or free?” He thought for a while before giving her his answer. 

*

Yi Bo left his parents’ home with just enough time to pick up Lulu from her parents’ house. The two of them would arrive together at the party venue while Lulu’s parents had to arrive a little early to act as hosts and receive their guests. Technically, it was Lulu’s aunt who would be the official host, but it seemed a family matter required her attention.

When he reached Lulu’s home, her parents had already left. He waited while the butler announced his arrival to Lulu. He was at the bottom of the large stairway when he looked at Lulu at the very top. She looked stunning in another one of Lan Yu’s creation, in mauve this time. Her hair was coiffed in an elaborate knot, and her make-up was discrete, bringing out her eyes and lips in a tasteful way. She greeted Yi Bo from the top of the stairs, “I’ll be down in a minute,” she told him. 

Once down, she gave Yi Bo a chaste peck on his lips and told him, ”I’m so excited about tonight.”

“Why Lulu?” he asked truly curious. She was almost bouncing from excitement. 

“You’ll see. You’ll meet the rest of my family tonight.”

“Do you mean your aunt?”

“Well, yes. My aunt and uncle and someone else,” she added kind of mysteriously.

Yi Bo’s curiosity was piqued after that. Who could that person be? Why was he meeting them so important to Lulu?

*

Zhan was almost ready, fixing his bowtie in front of the mirror when a knock on his door interrupted him. He opened the door to find his mother holding two jewelry boxes. He let her in and admired the image she presented in full regalia. She looked beautiful and powerful at the same time.

She took the time to examine the work of the hairdresser and she smiled, approval showing on her face.

“She did a good job,” his mom told him.

“Yes, I think so too,” he stated smiling at his own reflection.

She left the jewelry boxes she had been carrying on Zhan’s desk and reached for his bowtie, tying a perfect knot. Instinctively, her gaze looked at the scars on his wrist. The watch she bought for him covered one of them perfectly while the other one would be covered by the cuff of his shirt once it was secured. 

He was still in the process of locating his old cufflinks, the ones his father had given him as a gift for his fifteenth birthday. If he didn’t find them soon, he would have to use the generic ones that came with the tux.

“What are you looking for, Zhan Zhan?” his mother asked when she saw him rummaging through his drawers after she finished fixing his bowtie.

“I can’t find my cufflinks, I don’t remember where I put them.”

“Forget about them for a minute and come here,” she requested. Zhan complied and walked towards his desk. Almost reverently, she opened the first velvety box and showed its contents to Zhan.

“Use these ones tonight, Zhan Zhan.”

“Mom…” Zhan murmured shocked. Those were his grandfather’s cufflinks. They were made of pure gold and had the symbol of the Zhao family on them. He used to admire them on his grandpa’s wrists when he was very young. Only the head of the family or the heir of that position could wear them. 

Before Zhan could react, his mother was securing the cuffs of his shirt with the cufflinks. Immediately, she took the other box and opened, retrieving an impressive ring from it. She slid the ring onto Zhan’s right ring finger, it fit perfectly. 

“But mom…” he tried to protest.

“These are family heirlooms, you are the only one that can wear them.”

“But…”

“You are a Xiao, but you also are a Zhao, and you’re my heir. You will be the head of the family one day. It’s time you also assume that position.”

“I don’t think…”

“Then don’t. Don’t think about anything. Just take what it is rightfully yours.”

Silently, he nodded assenting. She smiled elated at him. The ring felt heavy in his hand, reminding him of the weight of the responsibilities he was going to assume. 

His mother gave him a final once-over smiling satisfied with his image. He offered her his arm, with a playful smile on his face.

“Shall we, mother?”

She took his arm and they walked towards the car, his mother’s chauffeur was already waiting for them. 

“Where is dad?” Zhan asked his mom.

“He’s already there with your uncle. It would have been rude to their new partner to make him wait for them.”

“I should have gone with him. We were supposed to arrive together, mom.”

“No Zhan Zhan, your father and I talked about this before. This way is better. Please, trust us.”

Zhan’s eyes softened, a small smile appeared on his face and he told her, “You know I do.”

“Then, let’s go my son. We have a grand entrance to make.”

*

Yi Bo and Lulu arrived to the Shanghai Tower on time. Lulu’s aunt had selected the venue for this partnership celebration party. The Grand Ballroom of the Shanghai Tower had been her pick. It seemed overkill to Yi Bo, but of course, his opinion had not been requested.

Yi Bo took the time to appraise the place. It was a lavish venue. Its high ceiling with no columns within the whole space was impressive from an engineering point of view. The gold-coated glass that covered walls and ceiling with a wavy pattern made it an extravagant location. It seemed it was all about luxury and exclusivity with Lulu’s family. He was sure his mother would love it since she had always been so inclined to lavishness in general. 

Lulu opened her clutch bag to retrieve their invitation and he saw a package of cigarettes inside which was…odd, since neither of them smoked. He had to ask. 

“Why do you have cigarettes in your bag?”

“Oh! They are not for me, silly. They are for…a relative.”

She seemed reluctant to further explain, so he left her alone. But that was really weird.

He silently offered his arm after that, and together they entered the ballroom. Lulu’s parents greeted them and Lulu asked for the rest of the family.

“Are they here yet?” she asked excitedly.

“Only your uncle,” her father answered while her mother was enthusiastically greeting Yi Bo’s parents that had arrived right behind Lulu and him. Lulu’s gaze scanned the place, searching for him.

“He’s greeting a client dear, you’ll talk to him soon enough,” her father admonished Lulu.

Right at that moment, Lulu looked at the entrance and found a very dashing man walking through it. Her eyes widened and she all but ran to greet him, leaving behind a very confused Yi Bo.

“Hu-Laoshi, you came!”

*

If he was nervous, his face didn’t betray it. Hu Ge entered the ballroom power-walking with the grace of a feline. He looked imposing and elegant in Armani, scanning the room looking for someone.

A feminine voice calling his name grabbed his attention. He searched for it source and found Xuan Lu. They were acquainted but not really familiar with each other. She looked really excited about seeing him there. 

“Hu-laoshi! How are you?” she reached him, extending her delicate hand to greet him.

“Miss Xuan, I’m well thank you. How are you?”

“Please call me Lulu, I’m well thanks,” she answered him, a playful and friendly smile on her face.

“Very well, Lulu. Have they arrived yet?” he went straight to the point and inquired.

“Not yet, you know my aunt.”

“I see,” was Hu Ge’s answer. He looked worried about something.

“Are you worried Hu-laoshi?” Lulu questioned him. She would have to accept she was also a little nervous about the whole situation.

“A little bit. I’m not sure he’s ready,” he answered, candidly.

A worried expression graced Lulu’s face. “I worry too, I brought him cigarettes.” 

An amused smile appeared on Hu Ge’s face, “Very good idea. I wouldn’t approve of it in any other situation, but today…well,” he left the rest of his sentence hanging in the air, unspoken.

“Thank you, Hu-laoshi,” she told him.

“What for?” he was curious now.

“For worrying, it shows that you care.”

He hesitated before confirming it “I do.”

She smiled sweetly, a soft expression of understanding on her face, “I know, does he?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so,” he confessed.

“You should tell him,” she advised him.

“Not yet,” was his firm answer.

“Why not?” she wanted to know.

“He’s not ready yet.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Yi Bo’s mom requesting Lulu’s presence. Yi Bo watched Lulu and Hu Ge’s interaction from afar completely intrigued. Who was this man? He wasn’t jealous, but something about him made him uneasy.

*

Zhan and his mother were about to arrive to the party when suddenly it occurred to him he didn’t know anything about their future partners.

“Mom, who are the new partners? Do you know them?” he asked, curious.

“It’s a family owned company,” his mother provided.

“Do you know them personally?” Zhan knew his mom was very selective with the people she called her friends. 

“No, I don’t. I’ve heard about them. Their reputation is impeccable, but we don’t move in the same circles,” she answered, confirming his suspicions.

“Mom…”he was whining.

“What? It’s the truth,” she didn’t feel she had to explain herself to anybody about her choices for friends.

“But you know about them, why aren’t you closer to them?” Zhan couldn’t understand his mother’s attitude. He had always been a friendly guy.

“Are you implying I am a snob?” she questioned him, raising one of her eyebrows daring him to answer that particular question.

“I wouldn’t dare…” he said, a playful note in his voice.

“Well, I’ll let you know I’m not. It’s just…My friends are people I grew up with. We have known each other forever. It’s hard for me to get out of my comfort zone Zhan,” she confessed. His mother was full of surprises as Zhan was slowly discovering. That was a valid explanation for her behavior.

“I know,” Zhan responded looking out the car window, “but now you’ll have to get close to them. Now they are our business partners. Please, make an effort.” It should have been a given. His mother should have known, but for some strange reason, he felt compelled to request that from her. 

“I will, I promise,” his mother relented easily. Deep down she was very pleased by Zhan’s request. He didn’t notice, but his demeanor was slowly changing, inadvertently morphing him into the true head of the family. 

They finally arrived, the car stopped and the driver got out of the car and hurried to open the door for them. Zhan descended first and helped his mom out of the vehicle. Taking a deep breath, he offered his arm to his mom, and once she took it, they walked towards the entrance. 

*

Yi Bo excused himself to go to the restroom after a moment. He felt like he was suffocating. He needed a break. The part of Lulu’s family he had already met was really nice and polite, the other part seemed…odd. He didn’t know what the real deal with them was and it made him nervous. Not personally, of course because he hadn’t even met them, but in a business sense. They seemed elusive, and that was not a good sign in the business world.

He splashed some water on his face, hoping it would help him calm down. This was business and he had to keep his cool. All the company’s resources had been allocated to get this deal. This could not fall through, it would mean their company could face hard times. 

He was returning to their table when he saw Lulu stand up out of the blue and she walked hurriedly to hug a tall man from behind, while she called the newcomer, “Biǎo gē!”

*

Zhan and his mom finally made their grand entrance to the venue. They looked majestic together. Almost all the eyes were on them. The legendary Zhao Lian and her elusive heir that almost nobody there had seen before. 

Her sister, Zhao Meiling and her husband went to greet them. Zhan hugged his aunt and uncle cheerfully. It had been too long since he had last seen them. Now, his first thought was to ask for his Biǎo mèi, “where is Lulu?”

The position he was standing in prevented him from seeing Lulu seated at the head table, she was keeping the Wangs company. He heard her before he could see her. Her enthusiastic Biǎo gē!, reached his ears and filled his heart with joy. 

Suddenly, he felt a pair of delicate arms encircling his waist from behind, he knew immediately it was her. 

“You’re back home Zhan Zhan, finally!”

Zhan smiled and slowly turned around to hug his beloved younger cousin. They had grown up together as brother and sister. His Lulu, that’s what he had always called her. It had been him who gave her the nickname. 

*

Yi Bo stood paralyzed watching the scene unfold. Why was Lulu hugging Zhan, his Zhan? When had he returned to China? Why didn’t he know anything about it? What the fuck was happening?! He took a moment to look at him, he was slimmer than before, which made him look even taller. He looked like seven layers of allure wrapped in a very expensive tuxedo.

Yi Bo watched as Lulu stood on her toes to reach Zhan’s ear and whispered something that had made Zhan smiled fondly at her. He looked even more beautiful than the last time he had seen him.

His hair was longer now, he had inferred. It was completely tied up in a top knot that made his cheekbones stand out. His fair complexion was as perfect as he remembered and his almond eyes were as expressive as always. They still conveyed a myriad of emotions that Zhan was experiencing. And he suddenly was consumed by jealousy, he was jealous of his girlfriend!

Then, things took a turn towards the worse, that handsome man that Lulu had enthusiastically greeted approached Zhan and hugged him! They seemed very familiar with each other, and Zhan was smiling at him. 

That man…what was his name? Hu Ge…yeah, it was Hu Ge was lightly touching the small of Zhan’s back with an easiness that spoke volumes about how familiar they were with one another. 

And Yi Bo hated him, he hated him so much that he had to use all of his restraint to avoid going there and taking Hu Ge’s hands off of Zhan by force. 

*

Zhan’s aunt, Zhou Meiling asked his mom and dad to join them at the head table. Zhan’s dad had been busy making the rounds around the place and greeting everybody who was in attendance. He finally reunited with his wife and son. Soon enough, the three of them were following his aunt and uncle towards the table where Yi Bo’s family, their future partners were seated.

When the three of them finally reached the table, Zhan saw Yi Bo and felt like he had been just struck by lightning. Yi Bo stood there, his face betraying the same surprise that Zhan was feeling. Fortunately for him, his mom had insisted that Hu Ge should sit with them, so he was at Zhan’s side. 

Yi Bo’s parents stood and they were finally formally introduced. Zhan’s face was a pale mask when it was his turn.

“This is my son,” his mother said, “and my heir, Xiao Zhan. He’s the future head of the Zhou’s family, “ she proclaimed full of pride. 

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Xiao,” Yi Bo’s mom told him. 

He bowed slightly to her, still numb by tonight’s revelations  
.   
“This is my son, Wang Yi Bo. He’s dating Lulu,” Yi Bo’s mom announced smugly. 

Zhan felt the ground crumble beneath him. How could this be? It was a sick twist of fate and the joke was on him. Of course! Yi Bo and Lulu would make a perfect couple. He swallowed with difficulty after he heard the news, but he had mastered his emotions after almost a year of constant therapy. He put a polite mask on his face and kept on. When he felt confident enough of his voice not betraying him, he said.

“Congratulations, you couldn’t find a better partner,” while looking at Yi Bo. “She’s a true jewel, and she’s my beloved cousin so I trust you will take good care of her.”

Yi Bo only nodded and said nothing. It was Lulu who broke the silence that followed.

“I’m the lucky one, cousin. Yi Bo is full of great qualities.”

“I’m sure he is,” was Zhan’s cryptic answer. 

*  
Hu Ge sat beside Zhan and was watching him like an eagle. He noticed the sudden paleness on his face, the subtle expressions that expressed deep stress on him and he worried. He approached Zhan discretely and murmured into his ear. 

“Are you all right, Zhan Zhan?”

Out of impulse, Zhan took his hand. He needed something, someone to anchor him to reality, because all this situation looked like one of his nightmares, one really terrifying nightmare. 

Everyone in that table watched as Zhan intertwined his fingers with Hu Ge’s, but they were too well mannered to point it out, except for Lulu’s elated gasp. 

“Oh my god, are you two finally together?” she asked excitedly.

Zhan came down from his dazed state and looked at his hand surprised. It had been an involuntary act, a self-preservation reflex, but he could not back down. Not in front of everyone. He was not going to make Hu Ge loose face. 

“Is it true Zhan Zhan?” his mother asked him. She looked hopeful. Shit!

“Well I…” he hesitated, not really knowing what to say.

It was Hu Ge who intervened to put some light on the situation. Being ambiguous seemed Hu Ge’s specialty.

“I would be so lucky. But we haven’t really talked about it,” Hu Ge explained. Zhan’s eyes widened at his declaration. He honestly had no idea.

Yi Bo watched the whole exchange and understood immediately. Hu Ge was in love with Zhan, just as he was. He was his rival.

Congratulations were in order, and they were given in a subdued manner. The conversation steered to a different direction and Yi Bo’s mother seemed extremely pleased because now, she was on first name basis with Zhou Meiling and Zhuo Lian. She seemed giddy.  
“Yi Bo,” she said out loud. “You should befriend Xiao Zhan, you two will be working together after all.”   
Zhan felt the beginning of a panic attack when he heard Yi Bo’s mom’s words.  
*  
This was too much. He was overwhelmed by the news he had learned today. First, Yi Bo and Lulu. Then Hu-laoshi. Oh my god! Zhan needed fresh air. He needed a smoke desperately. He endured through a seven-course dinner and an inane conversation full of pointless flattery and meaningless remarks.

Finally, they were finishing their meal when he remembered what Lulu had whispered into his ear. He told something to Hu Ge in a low voice, then he stood up politely, made the proper excuses and walked towards Lulu’s seat. He requested something from her in a low whisper, and Lulu complied. She handed him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

He excused himself and walked to the nearest terrace. On his way, he found a waiter carrying a tray of champagne flutes and took one from it. 

*

Hu Ge watched Zhan’s retreating figure worriedly, Zhan was deeply distraught and it was obvious to him. His fears escalated when he watched as Zhan took a flute of champagne from a waiter. Zhan was not drinking alcohol, yesterday he refused to drink any of it. 

Crap! That was the exact scenario he had been afraid of. Zhan was still in a very fragile state of mind. Lulu noticing how he had reached for his hand had thrown everything out of control. He needed to talk to him, to tell him he shouldn’t feel any pressure for his poor substitute of a declaration.

For him, Zhan’s well-being was far more important than his own feelings, those could wait. Decidedly, he stood up and excused himself from all the people at the table. He immediately went in pursuit of Zhan.

*

A pleased smile appeared on Zhan’s mom as she watched Hu Ge following Zhan. He looked worried about Zhan, she understood that. His attitude showed the depth of his care for Zhan. Lulu’s voice took her out of her musings.

“What do you think aunt?” she inquired hopeful and curious.

“I don’t know Lulu, I can only hope,” Zhan’s mom declared. He hoped that one day Hu Ge could win Zhan’s heart since it was obvious to her he harbored strong feelings for her son.

“It would be the best if Zhan could reciprocate his feelings,” Zhan’s dad intervened. 

An expression of agreement could be observed on the face of every member of Zhan’s family. 

“We would be so lucky if we could receive Hu Ge in our family,” Lulu’s mom expressed. 

“Of course,” Zhan’s mom went on, “he comes from a family of scholars. His family and ours had shared some distant blood ties in the past. I researched both family trees.”

“Well, he’s wickedly handsome, that’s for sure. Zhan and him look gorgeous together,” Lulu told them. 

Suddenly remembering they were not alone in a family reunion, Zhan’s mom looked at the Wang family while saying.

“I apologize for this interruption. Our son is openly gay, but he had been out of the country so it is not known out of our family circle. However, this is no secret that should be kept. We all are proud of him and support all his decisions a hundred percent.”

It was not her words, but the tone she used to deliver them that left no room for discussion about the matter. What seemed like an innocent slip of the tongue from the family was far from it. It was Zhou Lian asserting her family’s power.

That was the exact moment the partnership could go to hell if the Wangs had any problem with Zhan being gay. If they refused to sign their partnership on that basis, they would be labeled as bigots and Zhan would be a victim. If they signed the agreement without any reserve, it would look like they supported Zhan, which would be good for him business wise. Either way, Zhan would end up winning and his parents had planned it all. 

Yi Bo’s father was perfectly capable of separating business from anything else, and he was also capable of recognize a threat when he heard one, so his polite smile as well as his silence was enough to let everybody know it wasn’t an issue. 

Yi Bo’s mom was too happy with finally being accepted in the Zhou family’s circle so she would do nothing to jeopardize her newfound position, she remained silent, a pleasant smile on her face. 

As for Yi Bo, he was about to be sick. Zhan’s parents knew he was gay and openly supported him, and now Hu Ge was courting him. He was about to lose him definitively. He felt he couldn’t breathe and excused himself to the men’s room. He needed to be alone before he would pass out due to oxygen deprivation.

Once in the men’s room he propped himself up on the counter and looked at his reflection, he looked like he was about to cry. He felt so helpless and he still couldn’t understand how everything had come to this fucking mess.

*

Alcohol in hand, Zhan reached the nearest terrace and tried to light his cigarette. It proved to be a difficult task while he kept the flute still in his other hand. 

He found a flat surface and lay his flute on it. Trying to calm himself, he lit his cigarette and took a puff. It felt glorious!

A silent O formed in his lips as he exhaled the smoke from the cigarette. Finally, some respite from the fucking travesty his life had become in less than six hours. Everything was surreal. 

He had just finished his cigarette and disposed it when the sound of firm steps coming down the corridor attracted his attention, he looked in that direction and watched as Hu Ge approached him.

“Zhan, talk to me please. Are you okay?” he said, taking Zhan’s hands into his own.

“I...I don’t know…is it…true?” Zhan needed to know even if as he posed the question he evaded Hu Ge’s gaze.

“It is true, but…I just want you to know that I know you’re not ready yet. I was planning on waiting as long as it’s necessary. I was definitely not planning on tell you anything about it any time soon, it just…”

“Got out of control,” Zhan completed his sentence.

“Exactly, I just…please, don’t feel pressured on my account.”

There it was again, Hu Ge making Zhan feel at ease. He always managed to do that, bringing Zhan the kind of peace his soul needed at the moment.

“I won’t, I promise,” Zhan smiled meekly and Hu Ge dared to caress Zhan’s cheek very gently.

“Do you want to be alone?” Hu Ge asked Zhan.

“Just for a little while. I’ll be back soon for the main event.”

Hu Ge nodded and left him alone as it was his wish. Zhan took out another cigarette from the package and lit it up, taking a drag he finally felt in control of his emotions again. 

He was watching Shanghai’s night lights, entranced by their beauty when he perceived that someone else was there. He felt his presence, he smelled his scent before he saw him.

“How have you been Yi Bo?” he said to the shadow that lurked behind him. 

“I…How are you Zhan?” Yi Bo deflected the question. What could he say to Zhan? I’ve missed you miserably. I’m sorry I was an idiot that let you go without telling you I love you. 

“I’ve been…well enough,” Zhan answered. He wasn’t lying, he was alive and for that he was more than grateful. 

Zhan looked pensive, a cigarette in one hand, a flute of champagne in the other one. He looked worldly and mature. It showed that his experience living in Japan had changed him forever. Yi Bo took a look at him and felt like a boor beside him.

Then Yi Bo noticed Zhan’s ring and realized that the Zhan that had shared his body with him was a completely different person. This man in front of him had obligations and responsibilities, but also a very visible status in society and yet he was brave enough to be true to himself. He felt ashamed of his own cowardice.

It was Zhan who broke the silence between them.

“Please, take good care of my Lulu,” he said looking into Yi Bo’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I guess she’s not my Lulu anymore. She’s my sister. I care deeply for her and I won’t tolerate it if someone harms her.”

Yi Bo closed his eyes, he felt so powerless and frustrated right now. He had brought this on himself when he agreed to date Lulu. Now that he knew he could stand a chance of being with Zhan openly, Zhan was posing a veiled threat on him to make Yi Bo treat his cousin with care. 

“About that, I need…” Yi Bo tried to say.

“I don’t want to hear anything. That’s between you two,” Zhan told him firmly. This was too much for him. He didn’t need to hear the details.

“Please Zhan hear me out…” Yi Bo begged him.

“I said I won’t,” Zhan said with finality in his voice.

“Will you…will you accept Hu Ge?” both of them were surprised by Yi Bo’s question. He still didn't know why he had said it aloud.

“I think that’s none of your business Yi Bo. Just make sure that my cousin is happy,” after that, Zhan drank the whole contents of the flute in his hands and walked away from Yi Bo.

Watching Zhan go, Yi Bo let his self-control go for a moment and a single tear rolled down his left cheek, while he whispered to himself, “don’t be like that _Baobei._ ”

Unbeknownst to Yi Bo another person had witnessed the whole conversation between Zhan and him, but they chose to remain in the shadows. 

Yi Bo took some time to collect himself and returned to the ballroom and to the table where Lulu and their families were waiting for him.

*

The rest of the event went as planned. The actual signing of their partnership took place in a private lounge. The next day, both business and society pages of the most important newspaper announced the new partnership between their companies while heralding the arrival of the elusive and handsome heir of the Xiao and Zhao families.


	10. Planetarium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) JJSIN2020 for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ Planetarium ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGz6bVFC0jE)by Ai Otsuka 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

The sun was slowly descending while the first shining stars began popping up in the dark sky. They were like the first spring blossoms after a long winter. Zhan sat on a park bench and waited patiently for his arrival.

A concert by a choir of crickets singing a soothing melody helped Zhan to relax a bit. He was nervous. The only sounds that broke the peaceful serenade were the distant voices of the families leaving the park.

Tonight he would finally do it, he would properly confess his love to him. He was nervous, expectant of his reaction. He was almost sure it would be a positive one, but the insecurity beast that hid in the dark corners of his consciousness threatened to set itself free.

Breathing deeply, he forced himself to be calm and waited. As always, his scent arrived before him. Yi Bo’s unmistakable fragrance reached his nose and had a settling effect on him.

Yi Bo’s hands on his eyes precluded him from seeing anything, his deep voice greeting him with a simple “Surprise!” was enough to make him feel giddy.

He was so sure he would never become tired of hearing Yi Bo talking to him. Being in love with him had proved to his highest blessing and his worst curse, but it was worthwhile, oh so worthwhile!

“How long have you been waiting?” Yi Bo inquired while sitting beside Zhan.

“Not long, don’t worry. I just arrived a bit earlier,” Zhan assured him, trying to downplay his eagerness to see him.

“Mn,” Yi Bo seemed satisfied, “It’s so peaceful here,” he said, looking at the stars above them.

Zhan looked around, it was indeed peaceful and beautiful. The brightness of the stars appearing in the sky was enhanced by the shadows that surrounded them. They, however, had nothing on Yi Bo’s beauty.

“It is,” Zhan agreed. This was the very moment he had been waiting for. It was now or never.

“I have something to tell you Yi Bo,” he started. Yi Bo looked at him curiously. He remained silent, waiting for Zhan to speak.

“I...I like you. No, that’s not true,” Zhan contradicted himself, “I mean I do like you, but…that’s not all. I…” damn this was difficult. Taking a deep breath, Zhan steeled himself and continued, “I love you, Yi Bo.”

A sweet smile appeared on Yi Bo’s face, he said nothing, took Zhan’s face between his hands and kissed him tenderly, “I love you too, Zhan Zhan.”

*

Zhan woke up disoriented. He was still confused by his dream. Had he confessed to Bo or was Yi Bo dating his cousin? It took a while to remember what reality truly was.

Today was a Sunday, the signing of their partnership with Yi Bo’s family’s company had taken place the day before, which meant the very next day he would have to start working with him. He closed his eyes, cringing as he remembered the whole mess that had transpired between Bo and him. He refused to even think about what had happened with Hu-laoshi. It was beyond his capabilities at the moment. 

He padded towards the bathroom to take a shower, he needed to think, to plan how the fuck he was going to survive working with Yi Bo, knowing that he was dating his cousin. He hoped a shower would help him clear his thoughts.

The shower was a quick one, he got out of the bathroom and toweled himself off. Dressing comfortably with some loose pants and a t-shirt, then he went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. In all honesty, he was not hungry at all, but starvation would take him nowhere right now. If he had learned something after his awful experience in Japan, it was that he had to take care of himself no-matter-what.

Rummaging for ingredients for a light breakfast in his fridge and pantry he went for a simple serving of toast, fruit and coffee. While fixing his breakfast, his mind wandered aimlessly towards Yi Bo and Hu-laoshi without reaching any kind of conclusion. Eating perfunctorily without really savoring his food he only took pleasure in his freshly brewed coffee, taking time to truly enjoy it when the doorbell rang, jolting him out of his contemplative state. 

He opened the door and the shy smile gracing Hu Ge’s face greeted him. 

“Good morning Zhan,” Hu Ge greeted him.

“Good morning,” he responded while giving way for Hu Ge to enter his apartment.

It was the first time Hu Ge was there. Last night, he had taken Zhan home right after he had stamped his signature in the partnership agreement. He had almost begged Hu Ge to take him out of that place as soon as possible. Honestly, he had experienced an emotional overload. Everything had seemed too much at the moment. Hu-laoshi had dropped him at home, but refused his invitation to visit Zhan’s apartment. He knew Zhan needed some time alone to gather his bearings. Zhan had felt a little guilty for the relief he had felt at Hu-laoshi’s gesture.

However, Hu Ge had asked if he could visit the next day and Zhan had agreed because they really needed to talk. Zhan invited him to take a seat and started fidgeting with hem of his t-shirt. 

“Please don’t,” Hu Ge almost begged when he realized Zhan was really stressed out. Maybe, having this conversation so soon had been a bad idea.

“I’m sorry,” Zhan apologized, eyes downcast.

“Zhan, I won’t be the source of your anxiety. Please,” he was really mortified, “if it helps you, let’s pretend I didn’t say anything. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Zhan’s eyes widened, making a visible effort to calm himself, he took a deep breath. Shit! He was letting his fears and insecurities take control of him, and that was not acceptable.

“Hu-laoshi,” he started, steeling himself for what he was about to say, “you didn’t upset me, I…I’m flattered.” 

A speck of hope bloomed inside Hu Ge’s chest. It was not much, but the fact that Zhan didn’t feel disgusted by the idea of the two of them together was a huge step in the right direction.

“I’m glad Zhan Zhan,” the nickname slipped out his lips without conscious intention. 

A small smile adorned Zhan’s face as he visibly relaxed. The familiarity between them didn’t seem to be affected by the awkwardness of the situation.

“Just…It really surprised me. I had no idea,” Zhan tried to explain.

“I knew. I know you aren’t ready yet. That’s why…”

“Thank you,” he said grateful for Hu Ge’s thoughtfulness. 

“You knowing this does not need to change anything. I’m your friend first and foremost.”

“I know.”

“Perhaps…” Hu Ge sounded unsure.

“Yeah?”

“Will you let me court you? Not now…maybe…in the future.”

Zhan was paralyzed by Hu Ge’s request. He honestly hadn’t thought about it. But if he ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship, he couldn’t think of a better person besides Yi Bo, to experience one with. Hu Ge was indeed an ideal partner from every point of view. It was a shame his heart was still taken by another one, but any kind of relationship between he and Yi Bo was really impossible now.

“Someday…maybe…in the future,” he struggled to answer, reluctantly agreeing to Hu Ge’s request.

Hu Ge was elated. It wasn’t a no, there was still some hope for his heart. 

“Thank you, Zhan Zhan. You’ll have to let me know when you feel ready, please.”

“Mn,” Zhan’s tacit agreement was all he could give Hu-laoshi at the moment. He wondered if he would ever be ready. He doubted it very much. However, Hu Ge’s kindness and thoughtfulness deserved a chance if he could give it.

Hu Ge smiled and stood up, satisfied by Zhan’s answer to his request. He knew Zhan needed time and space right now, and he was happy to give both to him.

“I’ll get going. You need to rest and prepare for tomorrow. Remember, don’t overdo it, please.”

Zhan nodded, “I promise,” he said.

That promise seem to appease Hu Ge, assenting he smiled to Zhan one last time before leaving him alone with his confusion.

*

The suit felt like a straightjacket to him, constricting and asphyxiating at the same time. He was not used to dress so formally for work. Back in Tokyo, his position allowed him to use a business casual dress code, but he was now in a different situation. 

He decided to take a taxi and forwent driving through Shanghai’s traffic until he could get used to it again. He had spent almost two years using public transportation in Tokyo so he was a little unsure of himself as a driver. Besides, today he was veritably nervous, so it was simply not a good day to start driving again.

His and Yi Bo’s families had established a new office building for their consortium. It was not as large as the headquarters of their respective companies, but it was impressive enough. Zhan had been informed that his and Yi Bo’s offices were at the top floor, next to each other. 

Zhan had to give it to his uncle, the building was beautiful in its own minimalistic design. As soon as he entered the building he realized that modern minimalism could be equivalent to a living hell. The fact that they had gone for floor to ceiling glass walls made the design very sleek and elegant. For Zhan, however, the place was akin to a torture chamber.

He passed the reception area at the lobby without incident, it seemed they had already been expecting him. He rode the elevator alone, giving silent thanks to heavenly deities for small mercies and breathing slowly and deeply in a futile attempt of calming himself.

Finally, he arrived to the top floor and hesitantly exited the elevator. He would not confess it to anybody, but he felt himself trembling. He approached the closest desk to the elevator and very politely, he greeted the girl behind it.

“Good morning,” he saluted her with a slight nod and a small smile on his face.

She took a look at him and immediately stood up, answering him in a formal manner.

“Good morning Mr. Xiao. I’m Chen Ling, your assistant.”

“My assistant?” He asked nonplussed. Since when did he need an assistant? Who had hired her? How had she been chosen? How did she know him? What the actual fuck?

“Yes, sir. I’m your and Mr. Wang’s assistant. You have to share, but if you are against..." 

“Miss Chen,” Yi Bo’s deep voice interrupted her explanation, “Thank you. I’ll explain everything to Mr. Xiao.”

She assented and sat again behind her desk. Watching both her bosses immerse themselves in an ocean of awkwardness as they stood in front of each other purposely avoiding looking at each other’s face, not saying a word.

Xiao Zhan broke the pregnant silence between them. That was way more uncomfortable for him that just speaking to Bo.

“Good morning Wang Yi Bo,” Yi Bo cringed, after their exchanged names that first night, Zhan had never used his complete name again when addressing him. That was not all, it was the impersonal politeness that dripped from Zhan’s tone what hurt him more.

“Good morning,” Yi Bo answered him, making a big effort to look unaffected. “Let me show you your office, please follow me.”

Zhan nodded and followed Yi Bo in silence. He didn’t trust his voice right at that moment. He knew he was being impolite by not offering Yi Bo his hand when they greet each other, but he didn’t trust himself to remain unaffected to the touch of Yi Bo’s skin.

Soon enough they arrived to the door of Zhan’s office, Yi Bo opened the door for them and made way to allow Zhan to go inside. Zhan observed through the glass wall that separated his office from Yi Bo’s the layout and furniture were identical for both offices. Zhan took a few steps and left his briefcase on top of his desk. This time, it was Yi Bo who broke the silence.

“Look I…I would like to have a cordial work relationship with you. I don’t want you to be…uncomfortable.”

Zhan gave him a long look before answering. “I would like the same. We need to work together as a team. We need to make this happen so…please call me… whatever you feel comfortable with. I’ll call you Yi Bo if that’s okay with you.”

“Zhan,” Yi Bo whispered almost reverently.

“Fine, call me Zhan. That’s not a problem,” Zhan tried to appear nonchalant. “I would be grateful if you give all the information relevant to the project, I know almost nothing about it.”

“Of course, I’ll give you all the information I have.”

“Thank you,” was Zhan’s polite dismissal. Yi Bo’s scent reached his nose at that moment and suddenly it became too much for him. He needed a quick escape so he asked in a rush, “Is there a smoking area around here?”

Yi Bo directed him to the nearest one and Zhan hastily went to it. Haphazardly, he took out his cigarettes from the inner pocket of his jacket thanking heavens for his forethought. Slightly trembling, he took one from the package and lit it. He knew he couldn’t hide forever, but fuck, he needed some respite from Yi Bo’s presence assaulting his senses. 

When he felt calm enough he returned to his office, Miss Chen provided with all available information and he gladly engrossed himself in it as a very much welcomed distraction. 

Lunch time came and went and Zhan didn’t move from his seat except for the unavoidable trip to the bathroom or to retrieve some water. Yi Bo noticed that he didn’t have lunch when he was supposed to. It was almost dinner time and Zhan hadn’t eaten anything, Yi Bo noticed concerned. 

It was not his place, he fucking knew it was not his place, but he couldn’t avoid it. An hour before all the personnel needed to leave the office, he asked Miss Chen to order something for him to eat, something he knew Zhan would like. He had already had lunch, but he could not, in good conscious, let Zhan neglect himself. 

The food arrived just before their assistant had to leave. He thanked her profusely and told her to go home. Once everybody else had left the premises, he approached Zhan anxiously. Zhan could easily tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, but he could not, would not let him starve himself.

“Zhan,” he called the other man.

“Yes? What can I do for you?” Zhan answered, automatically.

“You have not eaten anything today,” Yi Bo pointed out. 

“Is that right?” Zhan asked, absentmindedly. 

“Yes…it’s not good…for you,” Yi Bo said, timidly.

Zhan look at him for the first time since he entered his office. He saw the take out container in Yi Bo’s hands and part of him, the part that he had purposely frozen two years ago, started to melt. 

Meaningfully, Zhan directed his gaze to the food container. Yi Bo offered to him silently, so glad he could be helpful to Zhan even in such small way. Zhan took it and shyly, he murmured.

“Thank you, Bo,” a small smile appeared on his face. 

Yi Bo couldn’t help it. His heart soared at the sight of Zhan’s shy smile. How he missed Zhan’s carefree laugh. But even this small gesture, Zhan’s accepting his food, was enough for him. He would take anything Zhan wanted to give him. Anything.

Yi Bo left Zhan alone so he could eat in peace. He went to his office and continued to work on the project. They had to present the final proposal in six weeks and he was afraid they wouldn’t meet their deadline since the architecture department had been headless for so long. But now Zhan was here, so maybe they had a slight chance of winning that project. 

Zhan ate the food Yi Bo offered to him and kept working. He worked and worked until he almost dropped. 

The next weeks caught Zhan and Bo in a whirlwind of work. They had learned again to trust each other at least in work matters. So the easy camaraderie they once shared, came back easily to them at least within the confines of their office space. However, that fragile truce was disturbed one Friday afternoon two weeks before they had to submit the final project. 

*

Hu Ge was worried. He was terrified for Zhan. His esteemed colleague, Dr. Yang had called that day. Zhan had missed two appointments with Dr. Yang already. He had talked to Zhan and he had explained to him that he had been swamped by his workload, so he had forgotten his appointments with his shrink. 

That was not healthy and Hu Ge knew it too well. He had seen patients relapse due to their overconfidence. He didn’t want Zhan to experience that, so he took matters in his own hands. 

That afternoon, he arrived to Zhan’s office unannounced. Stopping briefly in front of Chen Ling’s desk. She pointed out Zhan’s office, and too late, she realized he intended to be received right now without her intervention whatsoever.

Yi Bo was focused on the documents he was revising when he heard a small ruckus in the reception area. Next thing he knew, he was watching a very determined Hu Ge opening Zhan’s office door without even knocking, Chen Ling in tow. 

A very startled Zhan looked from Hu Ge to Chen Ling. His assistant was apologizing for Hu Ge’s interruption. He smiled, waved his hand at the girl, telling her not to worry. She calmed down and left Zhan and Hu Ge alone in Zhan’s office, closing the door as she left.

Yi Bo stayed in his office unable to stop watching. Hu Ge seemed agitated, he was speaking frenziedly to Zhan, who was listening intently. Zhan’s expression turned mortified by something Hu Ge said to him while pointing to his own watch.

Zhan reluctantly agreed with whatever was said and Hu Ge appeared to calm down and smiled weakly at Zhan. Immediately after, he turned around and exited the office. Zhan hurriedly gathered the material he was working on and put it in his briefcase. 

Seeing Zhan leaving for the day, Yi Bo tried to talk to him to ask him if everything was all right. Zhan answered him without stopping to talk to him.   
“I have to go now, Yi Bo. I’ll see you on Monday,” he said while running towards the elevator. 

A bitter bile filled his mouth. How dare Hu Ge barge into Zhan’s office like that? And for what? A fucking date? He was so mad, he felt jealousy consuming him. 

He couldn’t resist the temptation of looking through his window, he watched as Zhan hopped into Hu Ge’s car, who was waiting in front of the building. An unexpected memory took him by surprise. It was of himself, waiting in front of Zhan’s building to pick Zhan up. 

*

Hu Ge made sure Zhan arrived on time for his appointment with doctor Yang and then took him home. Zhan had refused to have dinner with him because he had urgent work to finish. He had brought the material from the office and intended to pull an all-nighter if necessary. However, Hu Ge made him promise to have something to eat before he started to work, reminding him that he had to take care of himself first and foremost. 

He ordered some take-out and started working immediately. Soon enough, the bell rang and he went to receive the food. He dined while working and continued throughout the weekend. 

Next Monday, he was in his office early, giving the finishing touches to the architectural proposal they would submit in two weeks. His team, as well as Yi Bo’s had been working at an almost inhuman pace. They needed to finish on time and excel in his work if they wanted to win the contract. 

Yi Bo arrived half an hour after Zhan, he went directly to his office without stopping to say hello. Zhan didn’t notice it as he was absorbed by his work. Two hours later, Zhan needed to check some data with Yi Bo and walked towards his office. Knocking before entering, he waited by the doorway for Yi Bo to ask him to come in, he never did.

“Can I talk to you?” Zhan finally asked from the doorway.

“What about?” was Yi Bo’s curt response. 

“I need to check some data about materials with you, if you have time.”

“Now is not a good time,” Yi Bo told him.

“Alright, when can we talk?” Zhan asked calmly, “this is kind of urgent.”

“Is it now? It didn’t look that way when you ditched work to leave early last Friday”

Zhan looked at him, incredulous. “I had an appointment.”

“Well, it looked more like a date to me,” Yi Bo retorted.

After hearing that, Zhan turned around and went to his office. Rummaging within his briefcase, he found his cigarettes and his lightener and went out to his smoking spot. He had been so close to losing his cool it was ridiculous. What the fuck was wrong with Yi Bo? It was not as if Zhan was his employee or anything. If he had a date it was none of Yi Bo’s fucking business. More importantly, why was he acting like he was…jealous? He had no right to be jealous. He had a girlfriend for fuck’s sake!

Zhan lit his cigarette and smoked slowly, exhaling the smoke forming a silent ‘o’ with his lips. Slowly, he calmed down. He needed to be an adult here, even if Yi Bo couldn’t act like one. They were so close to finishing their proposal, there was a lot of money already invested and the jobs of many people were on the line. Reaching a decision, he flicked his cigarette before disposing it in the nearest trash can.

Leisurely, he walked back to Yi Bo’s office and without preamble he entered and closed the door behind him startling Yi Bo.

“Listen Yi Bo, and this time listen carefully. I don’t have to explain myself to anybody, but for the sake of keeping a civil working relationship I will, “ he paused gauging Yi Bo’s reaction. Once he was convinced he had his full attention, he continued. 

“Last Friday Hu Ge came to retrieve me and stop me from missing my doctor’s appointment again. I’ve been neglecting my medical appointments due to work. My doctor called him and told him that. He was worried about my health and came to literally take me to my doctor’s office.”

Yi Bo was silent for a while, processing the information he had just received. He didn’t know what felt worse, to think that they were on a date or to know that Zhan’s doctor called Hu Ge about his missing appointments. Was Hu Ge listed as his significant other? Did he have rights to medical decisions regarding Zhan? He couldn’t control himself from asking.

“Why did your doctor call him?” Yi Bo went on digging the hole he was in even deeper.

“Because Hu Ge was once my attending physician. That’s how we met.”

He gave Yi Bo a long gaze that spoke volumes, then he said to him: “I won’t talk to you about my private life again. So, don’t expect another explanation. I finished my work over the weekend. Now tell me, when can we discuss the data about the materials?”

“Now,” Yi Bo answered, eyes downcast. He felt so ashamed of himself right now. He behaved like a total asshole towards Zhan just because he was so jealous. 

Zhan went to his office to retrieve his material and sat down with Yi Bo for almost two hours before leaving his office. Feeling emotionally drained, Zhan didn’t even pick up his briefcase from his office. Dumping the papers they had been working on, on his desk he left the office, barely closing the door behind him.

He arrived to his apartment completely exhausted, he took a shower and went to sleep early. He dreamed again about Yi Bo and him in a park under the stars. He had just confessed his love to Yi Bo and Yi Bo had said he loved him back. But this time, a shooting star had been crossing the sky, and both of them had made a wish. He had wished to be with Yi Bo forever.

The dream had been so beautiful and painful at the same time. When he had woken up, reality made itself present again reminding him that it was not possible. That his silly dream would never become real. That Yi Bo was a taken man and was not his. He would never be his. 

*

The following week, Yi Bo and Zhan had been so immersed in their work, they didn’t realize they fell back to their previous easy camaraderie. The Hu Ge incident seemed to be forgotten and they had to work together every day after the little mishap in their working relationship.

Zhan felt slightly closer to Yi Bo, which was dangerous ground for him. He was a taken man and sometimes, Zhan’s mind and heart seemed to forget it. 

The night they finally finished their final version of the proposal they were both smiling at each other, exhausted but satisfied by their effort. Now, they would have to submit it together, the very next day. 

They were the last ones to leave the office at that hour. Riding the elevator together without the pregnant tension of the first days was a relief. 

Once they arrived on the ground floor, Zhan was saying goodbye while exiting the elevator.

“See you tomorrow,” Zhan said to Yi Bo.

“Wait! Did you drive here?” Yi Bo asked.

“What? No. I’m not driving in Shanghai yet. I…didn’t drive in Tokyo at all. I’ll flag a taxi.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“No…I…don’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition. Let’s go!”

Zhan followed Yi Bo to his car. If he was honest to himself, he was exhausted and it was far more convenient if Yi Bo took him home. However, it was also more dangerous.  
Yi Bo still drove his Audi, Zhan felt familiar enough in that car. It seemed that even the passenger’s seat position was set as he remembered. Bo drove in silence, he only spoke to ask if Zhan lived in the same place.

Zhan’s affirmative answer was all the conversation they had until they reached Zhan’s building. Getting out of the car, Zhan thanked Yi Bo for the ride and walked towards his building entryway. 

Without knowing why, he looked up to the sky before entering the building. The starry sky reminded him of his dream. Suddenly, a shooting star crossed the sky, and he remembered. Wish for the impossible his mind reminded him. And wish he did. He wished for Yi Bo to be with him forever.


	11. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020)for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Hurricane](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnnMYmL7Fbs) by 30 Seconds to Mars (feat. Kanye West)
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

The tension in the air was so thick it could be cut with a knife. The venue was packed by journalists covering the allotment of the most important construction contract in Taiwan in more than a decade. Wang Yi Bo and Xiao Zhan sat in the front row next to their competitors waiting to hear the final results. 

Every company vying for the construction contract of that mall had a representative there. Zhan and Yi Bo were there representing their consortium. Months and months of arduous work had this exact moment as endgame. 

Excitement and anxiety, a dangerous cocktail, invaded Zhan. He had to use all the resources he had developed through months of therapy to calm himself down. The fact that Yi Bo was at his side was really not helping his case at all. 

They were alone, far from home, in another country. It really shouldn’t be an issue, but it was. Oh boy! It was a huge issue for Zhan. The situation was threatening Zhan’s already feeble self-control so he had opted for maintaining a healthy distance from Yi Bo. Therefore, polite exchanges of pleasantries and non-committal responses constituted most of their conversations.

It had been Madam Wang, bless her heart, who had been in charge of their travel arrangements. She had insisted on doing it for them, so she had made sure their hotel rooms were next to each other and of fucking course they had adjacent seats on the plane. She was determined to help them become friends, best friends even. In her deluded mind, they needed to be close since they would become family someday, when Yi Bo married Lulu.

But right at the moment, everything else was beside the point they were anxiously waiting for the winning project to be announced. Finally, the person in charge of the announcement opened the envelope with the name of the winning project -it was theirs.

Euphoric, both of them bolted from their seats and hugged each other in a celebratory way. Initially, it could pass as a celebration between business partners and friends, but they held each other one second too long to be just that and then, it became more. Much more.

Inhaling each other’s scents, touching each other’s bodies even over layers of clothes was overwhelming. Suddenly, Zhan came to his senses and jolted apart from Yi Bo’s embrace. It was there, as if nothing had changed for them, the sheer attraction Zhan felt for Yi Bo remained unchanged, as well as the unwanted love that had growth within his heart. 

If anything, his love had grown stronger, unruly, and impossible to remain contained within the confines of Zhan’s body. Bitter tears threatened to spill over his eyes. He made a hastily retreat to the men’s room, mumbling a weak excuse to Yi Bo. He needed to breathe, to center himself again.

Yi Bo stood immobile watching Zhan’s back disappear in a sea of people. In the brief moments he had held Zhan in his arms, he had felt an electrical current sending ripples through his skin and the love he had acknowledged too late, bloomed in full force in his chest. The reaffirmation of his love made him reach a decision, he would talk to Lulu as soon as they went back the mainland and he would explain why he was not the right partner for her. After all, she deserved to be loved fiercely and he would never be able to do that.

*

Zhan arrived to the men’s room and propped himself up on the sink. He splashed some water on his face while willing his tears away. Regaining his composure, he went back to join Yi Bo for the paperwork that followed the official announcement. Of course they would have to pose for the cameras since this was big news that would reach newspapers and newsrooms all the same. So they did, perfunctorily smiles in place, their eyes never reflecting the happiness they were supposed to feel while the photo op went on. 

Once the fierce whirlwind they found themselves immersed into subsided a little, they called their respective parents to inform them of the result. Zhan’s parents were ecstatic, this was Zhan’s first business venture with their company and it seemed to have been blessed with good luck.

For Yi Bo’s parents, who were equally elated as Zhan’s, the situation had a bonus because it would strengthen their association with the Zhou family, a lifelong dream of Yi Bo’s mom.

When they finally made it back to their hotel, Zhan went directly to his room alleging he was exhausted and wanted to go directly to bed. Yi Bo assented and looked sadly as Zhan entered his room. 

Yi Bo had wanted to have dinner with Zhan, but it seemed it was not possible. He called for room service and watched in despair as his and Zhan’s order arrived at the same time. It was obvious Zhan was avoiding him. He felt powerless, how could he reach Zhan? He was desperate for an answer that didn’t come.

They traveled back the very next day, which was a Thursday, they needed to work now with their legal team and let them set the project in motion. Zhan’s mom had already organized a celebratory dinner at their family home on Friday night with only very close people as guests, the Wang family was of course invited.

The trip caught them both wrapped in a cumbersome blanket of awkwardness where they couldn’t even look at each other’s faces. The longing for each other’s touch was almost a living being, growing each minute on its own accord. 

Finally, they landed in Pudong International Airport and Zhan could breathe again. He needed to put some distance between Yi Bo and him as fast as possible. He didn’t trust himself anymore.

Fortunately, his mom had sent a car to pick him up and he asked the driver to take him home. Once at home, he went to bed and dreamt about starry nights and shooting stars.

*

Hu Ge, who had been invited by Zhan’s mom, offered to pick Zhan up and drive him to his parent’s home on Friday. Zhan accepted very grateful for Hu-laoshi’s presence by his side, which would help him deter any contact with Yi Bo. Lulu would also be there, hand in hand with Bo, so Zhan needed to accept reality once and for all. 

He was early to pick Zhan up, looking dashing in a navy suite without a tie, since the dinner was supposed to be informal. Zhan had made a similar wardrobe choice with a dark gray suit also without a tie. Hu Ge drove in silence, watching Zhan from time to time who was looking through the car window during the whole trip. 

They arrived early and Zhan’s mom had greeted them enthusiastically. She was especially attentive towards Hu Ge, and for some reason that irked Zhan. Hu Ge, of course, deserved any deference he could get, but his mother’s matchmaking vibes were bothering Zhan.

Slowly, the rest of the guest arrived. Yi Bo’s parents were there before Yi Bo and Lulu appeared. A joyful spirit could be perceived in all the guests. Of course, their success in winning the project for their consortium had put everyone in a happy disposition.

Zhan, however, was noticeably tense. Hu Ge noticed and discretely asked him if he was okay. He dismissed Hu-laoshi’s concerns blaming the trip and telling him he was just tired. Hu Ge, of course, didn’t buy any of it, but chose to give Zhan some space.

Yi Bo looked at Zhan and noticed the tension in his shoulders and neck. Zhan looked anxious, tired, and on the brink of a meltdown. He seemed to be at the very last end of the rope. Yi Bo didn’t like seeing Zhan so distressed. It was obvious to anyone who knew him he was about to lose it. 

He was about to ask Zhan if he was feeling well when Lulu went ahead of him and did just that.

“Are you okay Zhan Zhan?” she asked him, her brows furrowing in a worried expression.

“I’m fine,” he said trying to brush off her worries. A meek smile appeared on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. That worried Yi Bo even more.

“Are you sure?” she insisted, hoping to pry an answer from her reluctant cousin. 

“Just a little tired,” he responded, trying to appear nonchalant. Just in time, they were called to the dining room, dinner was ready. 

The seating arrangements were such that Yi Bo ended up sitting right in front of Zhan, Lulu was beside him and in front of Hu Ge, who was next to Zhan. It made the situation even more agonizing. The weight of the conversation was carried by Lulu and Hu Ge, both of them sporting worried expressions on their faces as they watched Zhan retreating within himself.

They were supposed to be in a good work relationship and yet, Zhan was avoiding even looking towards Yi Bo’s direction at all costs. From time to time, Yi Bo would direct a longing look towards Zhan. He was of course, trying to be discreet. Only someone who knew him very well would noticed the sadness and despair in his eyes. 

Hu Ge’s attempts to start a conversation with Zhan were failing because he was in such a stressful state that his answers came short and curt. Zhan tried to behave amicably, but failed miserably. He was just too uncomfortable in his own skin, he wanted this to be over and retreat home as soon as possible.

At last, dinner was over and Zhan excused himself profusely with his parents and their guests citing a strong headache as the cause of his early departure. Hu Ge offered to take him home, but he politely declined. His mother ordered her chauffeur to drive Zhan, he was much more comfortable with that arrangement since he was not feeling capable of having a polite conversation with anybody. He didn’t want to be unnecessarily rude to Hu Ge. 

As soon as he crossed his home’s doorway, a strong feeling of relief invaded him. He was finally alone so he could let go of the pretense of being all right. He called Hu Ge to let him know he was at home, wanting to somehow amend his previous behavior. 

What was he going to do? Fuck! The next stage of the project involved working with Yi Bo for at least two years. How could he survive that? Would Lulu and Yi Bo get married during that time? Was he going to attend their wedding? He spent hours mulling over these possibilities when a knock on his door took him out of this thoughts.

*

There was just as much small talk Yi Bo could endure without wanting to scream. His and Zhan’s parents seemed to be determined to discuss any inane topic under the sun, from the weather to international politics without letting up one second. He was, honest to God, dizzy listening to them talk.

With as much discretion as he could muster, he approached Lulu and asked her if they could leave since he was very tired. Lulu told him to go ahead, she would go back with his parents. At that moment, Hu Ge received a call. “Zhan…” was all Bo heard from the conversation, but it made his blood boil. Why was Zhan calling Hu Ge, to let him know he was home? Did Hu Ge now have the right to be informed of Zhan’s whereabouts? 

Hu Ge returned after a very brief phone conversation and told Lulu, “Zhan arrived home. He’s well and resting now.” Lulu smiled knowingly at Hu Ge, but his serious expression didn’t change. 

“He needs to rest,” he told Lulu looking very worried. Lulu nodded, understanding the meaning behind Hu-laoshi’s words. He was obviously worried about Zhan’s emotional and mental health, and honestly he had looked…overwhelmed the whole night.

Yi Bo witnessed the exchange and felt left out. Boldly, he made a decision and talked to Lulu, accepting her offer. He excused himself and said his goodbyes, he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Driving aimlessly without a consciously chosen direction, he suddenly found himself in front of Zhan’s building, agonizing over the decision he needed to make. 

*

The knocking on his door was insistent. Zhan got up and walked towards it wondering who it could be at this hour. It was close to midnight. Maybe, one of his neighbors had some sort of emergency so he hastened and opened his door. He surely didn’t expect to find Yi Bo there.

“Can I come in?” Yi Bo asked without preamble.

Zhan was too flabbergasted to say anything. He just moved aside, giving way for Yi Bo to enter his apartment. Before Zhan could ask him what he was doing there, Yi Bo questioned him.

“Are you okay?” He looked worried, wanted to touch Zhan to check if he had fever.

“I am well, why are you here?” he asked Yi Bo. This was too much for him. The emotional overload he was feeling threatened to make him burst by the seams.

“I…I...” Yi Bo tried to explain he was worried sick about him, that it pained him to see Zhan so distressed. He wanted to tell Zhan to lean on him for a moment, to let him help carry his burdens, but no words came out of his mouth, instead he launched himself at Zhan and kissed him while gripping both Zhan’s biceps tightly.

Zhan was initially taken aback by Yi Bo’s action, he stood there paralyzed without knowing what to do. Then, he tried to separate himself from Yi Bo’s hold, but Yi Bo wasn’t having any of it, and he strengthened his grip on Zhan. 

Feeling his resolve slowly disappear, Zhan gave up attempting to break free from Yi Bo’s hold and melted into the kiss. First, their lips touched tentatively, hesitantly, and with exploratory intent. Then, their bodies seemed to recognize each other, letting their memories of previous explorations take control.

Soon enough, Yi Bo let go of his grip on Zhan’s biceps and promptly slid his hands on Zhan’s back, holding him by the waist. He could feel the uncontrolled beating of Zhan’s heart threatening to get out of his chest, which was in synchrony with his own.

Zhan intertwined his hands behind Bo’s nape, not letting him break their kiss. A small moan left Zhan’s mouth when they broke for air. Yi Bo was still peppering kisses on Zhan’s jaw, following the long line of his neck, leaving a trail. Zhan buried his head in the crook of Yi Bo’s neck breathing deeply, letting Bo’s scent invade his nose and making him dizzy with need.

Yi Bo strengthened his hold on Zhan, wanting to envelope him with his own body, to protect him from anything that could cause distress for him. Zhan moved his arms downward and embraced Yi Bo fiercely. 

Involuntarily, Yi Bo shifted his body causing his hard-on to touch Zhan’s who was equally aroused after months and months of unintentional celibacy. Zhan’s hips jerked on their own, reaching for friction. After that, both of them started grinding against each other while waves of pleasure traveled along the surface of their skin. All too quickly, both reached their climax almost simultaneously. 

Still panting and gasping for air, Bo slipped his fingers through Zhan’s long hair, marveled at the softness of it. Whispering into Zhan’s ear he told him, “God _baobei_ , I’ve missed you.”

That word took Zhan out of his pleasure induced trance, reality came crashing through him. Then he remembered. He remembered that Bo was dating Lulu, he remembered Yi Bo didn’t love him.

“Don’t…I…oh God! What have we done?” he looked horrified.

The stains of cum on his and Yi Bo’s pants were a remainder of their actions. It was shameful of them. Have you lost any sense of respect Zhan? He wondered. The guilt monster unleashed itself in Zhan’s mind, threatening to eat him alive all at once.

Covering his face with his hands he breathed deeply. He needed to calm down. He needed to figure out what to do. Fuck!

“Zhan, please…look at me,” Yi Bo begged him, touching Zhan’s chin lightly to make him look at him. “I know this is hard on you, I know this is not the time, but I…I love you.”

Zhan closed his eyes and wished he was dead. How long had he dreamed about hearing Yi Bo say those words, and now, precisely now that he was taken by someone else, he said them.

“I think you should go, Yi Bo,” Zhan said, his eyes still closed. He didn’t think he could bear the sight of Yi Bo leaving after those words had left Yi Bo’s mouth. 

“Zhan…” Yi Bo pleaded.

“Please.”

Yi Bo hung his head and nodded. He knew Zhan needed time and space, and he needed to talk to Lulu tomorrow first thing in the morning. 

He took off his jacket and hung it on his arm to cover the evidence of his passion and walked towards the door. Silently, he opened the door going out and closed it again behind him.

Zhan slid his back on the wall until he reached the floor. Tears spilled from his eyes, he tried to fold his legs and hug his knees, but something in his pocket was poking him. He reached for it and found his phone to be the culprit. Almost blindly, he swept the screen and searched through his contact list. Once he found Hu Ge’s he wrote a short message to him: _‘I am ready’_ and sent it.


	12. I Can’t Make You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [I Can't Make You Love Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThyENgJGZCc) by George Michael
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

The ring of his doorbell sounded loudly, waking Yi Bo. Still disoriented, he took a moment to remember where he was. Last night at Zhan’s home had been so emotionally draining for him that he was still in a daze. He was in his own apartment, wearing his pajamas. After arriving home last night, he had taken a quick shower before going to bed. 

It had been a painful, but necessary task. The warm water droplets sliding on his skin had erased Zhan’s scent and washed away the evidence of their passion, but the sensation of his touch on Yi Bo’s skin still lingered. The water had wiped not only his passion’s remnants, but also the tears that he allowed himself to spill freely from his eyes. After that, he had gone to bed and cried himself to sleep.

The ringing on his doorbell gave no respite. Whoever was there pushing that button was relentless. He finally felt conscious enough to get up, reaching for his cellphone he looked at the hour, 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday. What the fuck?!

He padded barefoot towards his doorway, _‘this better be a fucking emergency’_ he thought. “I’m coming,” he kind of shouted towards the person asking for entrance at the other side of his door. It did nothing to deter that person since the doorbell didn’t dwindle one bit.

At last, he reached the door and opened it, truly annoyed by the impatience of whoever was there. A huge surprise was waiting for him behind that door.

“Lulu? What are you doing here?” he asked dumfounded. Lulu had never set foot in his apartment before. Ever. He couldn’t remember if he had even told her where he actually lived since all her interactions with his family had taken place at his parents’ home.

“Good morning to you too. Can I come in?” was her acerbic response.

He had barely moved out of the way when she walked decidedly into his home. 

“Can I offer you something?” he asked, trying his best to be a gracious host, like his mother had ingrained in him from early childhood.

“No thanks. I’m not here to pay you a social call. We need to talk,” she said matter-of-factly. She was impeccably dressed, hair and make-up perfect in this unholy hour of a Saturday morning. 

“Sure, I…” he was really confused by her attitude. “I need to change,” he said while waving his hand at himself to point out he was still wearing his PJ’s.

“That…will not be necessary, I’ll be brief. I just have some questions that need a prompt answer.” 

“Okay, what do you need to know?” he asked her nonplussed.

She looked at him in the eye and point blank asked him, “Are you in love, Yi Bo?” A determined look graced her face.

“What?!” Now he was genuinely confused.

“Please, answer me as sincerely as you can. We are still friends no-matter-what, aren’t we?” she tried to sound reassuring. However, Yi Bo perceived an inner turmoil in her voice.

“Of course, we are. I…I’m. Yes, I am in love,” he finally confessed to her. 

“For the sake of clarification, are you in love with me?” she questioned him. She was after something, but for the life of him, Yi Bo didn’t know what it was.

The cumbersome silence that descended on them should have been answer enough, but still she insisted.

“Please, answer me,” she said with a hint of desperation in her voice.

“No, I’m not. I’m so…”

“Please don’t. Don’t say you’re sorry. Let me keep some of my dignity here,” she interrupted him. He assented and said nothing more, waiting for her to continue. 

“I have more questions, can you answer them for me?” she wanted to know.

Yi Bo gave her a long look. In a way, this questioning from her was exactly what he had intended to do. He felt like shit for hurting her with the truth, but he also felt like shit for deceiving her, so no matter what he would do, he would feel like shit.

Nervous as fuck and sweating profusely from the stress he was experiencing, he answered. “Yes. I will answer truthfully to whatever you want to ask,” he stated. He owed her at least that.

“Are you gay? Bisexual? What exactly? Do you even know?” she asked, her tone softened a bit. She knew that was a very private question and she was overstepping, but she needed to be sure of what her next move would be.

He stayed silent for a while. Finally, he harrumphed and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes he braced himself, it seemed that the time for brutal honesty had arrived, if she wanted the truth, he would give it to her.

“While I was growing up, I assumed I was heterosexual…” he started. “Then, I grew up and I noticed I was attracted to men, so I assumed I was bisexual, but now…” he stopped, “I don’t even know. I’ve been attracted just to one person for almost three years now,” he finished and hung his head in shame. He was not ashamed of his sexuality, it was his dishonesty towards her what made him feel guilty.

“Is that person a man?” she continued her questioning. There was a pattern in her questions, but where she was going with it was still unclear.

“Yes.” There it was. He was not going to lie anymore to anyone.

A fleeting look of sadness appeared in her eyes. He was not sure what it meant, was she sad for him or for herself? He didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“What did you accept to date me, Yi Bo?” she asked next. She was not being reproachful, merely curious.

“You are my friend. At the time, it seemed…that it would make you happy, and I felt so lonely. I wanted you to be happy. I still want it. It’s just…” he hesitated again.

She honestly wanted to pull out her hair in frustration. Yi Bo could be so trustful and kind sometimes that it would end up hurting himself and the people around him. She knew he had the best intentions at the time, but the result of his kindness was so fucked up.

“I have another question, please answer it,” she requested, softly.

“Did you have an affair with my Biǎo gē before we met?” It felt like she had dropped a bomb in the middle of Yi Bo’s living room.

A chill traveled down Yi Bo’s spine. How could she know that? He very much doubted Zhan would confide anything like that to her. Why did she suspect that? Could he tell her the truth? Would Zhan hate him if he tell her the truth?

She notice his hesitation so she tried to calm him down. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul. Whatever we discuss here will remain between us.”

“Yes. We hadn’t met yet Lulu,” he said, giving up on any pretense.

“I know that. He told me,” she said, not a hint of anger showing in her voice, just resignation.

“Wait what? Did he tell you?” Yi Bo asked, incredulous. 

“We are each other’s confidantes. Of course he didn’t tell me it was you, or your name, or anything about you. He just told me what had happened,” she felt the need to explain to avoid more misunderstandings. Zhan and her were cousins by chance, but siblings by choice, she would do anything to protect him and ensure his happiness.

He was doubtful. Zhan had told her about their…whatever that had been. It had meant something to Zhan. Against his good judgment, a tiny bit of hope made its home within his heart.

“I know I’m overstepping, but this is supremely important. Did you love him?” she asked, expectantly. 

“I did…I…I still do,” he confessed in a barely perceptible voice and hung his head in shame. 

She closed her eyes, trying to hide her wince. Her grimace wasn’t perceived by Yi Bo, he was too busy feeling guilty for deceiving her. 

“Did you tell him?” she needed to know.

“Back then…I wasn’t fully aware.” He tried to evade answering that question. How could he tell her he had just confessed his love to her cousin yesterday? He was a bastard, but he didn’t want to hurt her even more.

She seemed satisfied and didn’t insist on it. She took a deep breath and confronted him.

“And now? What do you plan to do now?” There was a spark in her eyes, righteous indignation seemed to fuel it.

“I wanted to talk to you. I…” Now it was official, he was a piece of shit.

“I suspected something like that. I mean, it is not like you are very inclined to show your emotions or to display your affection, but you were reaching a gelid point. Not even before we became friends I felt so far from you.”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Would you just shut up?!” she interrupted him feeling exasperated.

“Yes, I will.”

“You need to talk to him. He…I don’t think you know how hard it has been for him. I don’t think he told you. You should ask him how he met Hu-laoshi while he was in Japan.”

“He told me he was once his attending physician,” he explained to her.

“That is true, but do you know what Hu Ge’s specialty is?” she questioned him.

“No, I don’t,” he confessed, wondering what was the point she was trying to make.

“He’s a psychiatrist Yi Bo,” she left it at that. She wanted him to do the math and inferred the rest of the story. She kept on.

“You need to talk to Zhan, and I mean a serious adult talk. If you two end up working out whatever you need to work out I’ll be happy for both of you,” he looked at her surprised. Was she giving them her blessing?

“But,” she went on, “You need to be very careful with him. He needs to know he is loved. If you can’t fully commit to him, please stay away from him. He’s been through a lot, but it is not my place to give you any details.”

“Mn,” was his response while he gave her a determined nod. Commitment to Zhan was all he wished for. If he only were allowed. 

Standing up, she walked determinedly towards the door. “I need to get going, my schedule is truly busy today,” she said and hurried towards the doorway. 

“Lulu,” he said, suddenly. “Thank you and…” he hesitated, “can we remain friends? I’ll understand if you don’t…”

“Of course,” she interjected going for a carefree tone. “Don’t be silly, just…think about what I told you regarding Zhan. “

He nodded, feeling like he was let out of prison. He felt as if a great load was removed from his back. He felt free.

*

Lulu left Yi Bo’s apartment and as soon as the door was closed, she reached for support on the nearest wall. She closed her eyes and willed her tears away. This was right, it was the correct thing to do. It would ensure happiness for the two people she loved the most besides her parents. 

Yi Bo didn’t need to know she had heard his conversation with Zhan the night of the partnership signing. He didn’t need to know she had heard him calling Zhan _baobei_ with such emotion in his voice –much more than he had ever used when calling her name. 

He didn’t need to know she knew him so well that she could detect the longing in his eyes every time he looked at Zhan across the table at her aunt’s celebratory dinner.

He didn’t need to know that it had been obvious for her how her cousin avoided even looking at him, and how tense he was when Yi Bo was present. No, he didn’t need to know any of it.

She would grow out of it, she was a strong woman. She needed to protect Zhan, so she of course would get past that infantile notion of being in love with Yi Bo. She would, in the end, be completely fine with it, because she was Xuan Lu and she was made of pure steel.

Regaining her composure, she straightened her back and walked regally towards the elevators. Holding her head high, she was the embodiment of dignity and she never looked back.

*

Zhan woke up late that Saturday. It was almost 10:00 in the morning when he morosely got up. He was still in a turmoil, still thinking about Yi Bo and his confession. Last night, after he had sent that cursed message, he had cleaned himself and gone to bed, too exhausted to care about anything else. 

He knew he had fucked up royally yesterday. On a whim, he had sent that careless message to Hu Ge, trapping himself into a corner where there was not an easy escape. He would not hurt Hu Ge just for the sake of his own stupidity.

He would make an effort, try to work it out. A relationship with Hu Ge was not the worst thing that could happen to him. Everything would be all right, he would be all right. He kept telling that to himself when a knock on his door startled him. 

He went to get the door and found a serious looking Hu Ge on the other side. 

“Good morning Zhan. Can I come in?” Hu Ge asked, a somber expression on his face.

“Of course,” Zhan said as he made way for him to enter his apartment. 

Hu Ge entered Zhan’s home with an unusual determination. “We need to talk, Zhan Zhan,” he said, very gloomily.

Zhan felt immediately that something was amiss. Was Hu Ge angry with him? Was it because of his message? Had he fucked up again? He didn’t have to wonder much longer, Hu Ge was determined to make things between them very clear.

“Why did you send me that message? What happened?” Hu Ge asked, without any preamble. 

“I…I just…” Zhan fumbled with his words. 

“What happened yesterday, Zhan?” Hu Ge inquired. A mixture of worry and anger could be heard in his voice.

“I…what do you mean?”

“I know something happened yesterday because I know you are nowhere ready to be courted by me, so tell me, what happened?”

Zhan winced at Hu Ge’s tone. It was true. Everything Hu Ge was saying was true. Zhan wasn’t ready to be courted, to be loved by anybody who wasn’t Wang Yi Bo. Zhan stubborn silence was all the answer Hu Ge received. Zhan wanted, he wanted so much to open up to Hu Ge, but he wouldn’t give away Bo’s name even if his own life was at risk. 

Zhan hung his head, ashamed of himself. He hated hiding things from Hu Ge. He was, after all, his best friend, his support system, the savior of his sanity. It was a shame, such a shame he couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved. 

“I…” Zhan tried again, but his tongue was truly tied. He couldn’t emit a coherent sound even if he wanted to.

“Okay,” Hu Ge said, “I get it,” he went on. “I will walk you through it. You just need to tell me true or false to everything I say.”

“You are distressed.” Hu Ge decided to start from an obvious fact. You didn’t need a medical degree to notice how stressed out Zhan was.

“True,” Zhan answered. He swore to himself to be honest with Hu Ge, so he would be. 

“Is it because of me?” Hu Ge asked, a little unsure of himself. 

“False,” Zhan answered. The mere idea of Hu Ge suspecting he could be the source of Zhan’s distress was painful for him.

“Okay, is it about someone from your past?” Hu Ge asked. He knew too well about Zhan’s past heartbreak, so his inquiry was completely logical.

“True,” there it was, the tip of the iceberg. There was no point in hiding anymore.

“You care for that person,” Hu Ge knew the answer that Zhan would give him would confirm or discard his suspicions.

“True,” was Zhan’s answer, the confirmation of Hu Ge’s worst fears. 

“That person hurt you in the past,” he needed to be absolutely certain of this, otherwise he could make a mistake, reacting badly when Zhan needed him to be there for him.

“True…false…I don’t know,” Zhan hesitated. He was very conflicted about this answer because it was true, Yi Bo had hurt him badly. However, he doubted very much it had been on purpose. 

“What do you mean by that?” Hu Ge asked Zhan to clarify his answer. During his time as Zhan’s psychiatrist they didn’t explore that particular bit of Zhan’s past. 

“I don’t think it was deliberately,” Zhan responded. 

“Okay. It is a person you still care about a great deal,” Hu Ge needed to know this, it was crucial for him. 

“True,” Zhan surrendered. His internal fight against his own feelings was pointless. He had been defeated by Yi Bo’s smile a long time ago.

“You love him,” this was not a question anymore. Hu Ge knew deep down in his heart his love was unrequited. Zhan had given his heart to someone else a long time ago, and he had never taken it back.

Zhan hesitated, he didn’t want to hurt Hu Ge, but on the other hand, he needed to be honest with him. He could not, purposely, lie to him. 

“True,” there wasn’t anything truer in this universe for Zhan. It was the fundamental base of his life. Saying it aloud felt like he had given away his darkest, most hidden secret. At the same time, he couldn’t feel more relieved. 

“Then why? I don’t understand, Zhan,” it was evident that Hu Ge wanted an explanation. He looked…pained.

Zhan felt like crying, he had been careless and inconsiderate and he had hurt Hu Ge. There was really no excuse, no explanation to his selfish behavior. Now what? Would he apologize? _God, why do I have to be such an asshole?_ He questioned himself. 

“I…I have neither an excuse nor a valid explanation for my unforgivable behavior…I…I’m sorry.” He bowed to make his apology more formal. He could not hurt Hu Ge even more telling what had transpired between Yi Bo and him yesterday.

Hu Ge took both Zhan’s shoulders in his hands and straightened him. A sad expression on his face. There was an atmosphere of finality in the air, like the end of a cycle that was cut short prematurely, like a fruit that was cut before it was ripe. 

“Please don’t. Don’t do that Zhan. You are distressed enough as it is. It was never my intention to burden you with my feelings for you. When I met you, I knew the nature and magnitude of your love. I knew it would be hard for you to stop loving him. You never hid it from me. I just had this foolish hope that I could win your heart someday.”

“Hu Ge…” Zhan felt like crap. Why was everything so hard?

“No, don’t feel guilty about it. You can’t force yourself to love someone. Your heart already chose, and it seems to be a stubborn one. I…I can’t make you love me, Zhan.”

Zhan felt his tears well up his eyes. He felt sorrow for his friend and his unrequited love. If was a painful contradiction, Zhan could end Hu Ge’s agony and at the same time, it was an impossible task for him. His hands were truly tied on this matter. The helplessness he felt was suffocating. 

“I think…” Hu Ge swallowed visibly. “I think the best course of action for both of us is to stop seeing each other, at least for a while.”

“What?! Wait, no!” Zhan protested.

“It’s for the best, “ Hu Ge responded, firmly. 

“Maybe for you…” Zhan retorted, bitterly.

“For both of us, Zhan. I would feel sad and you would feel guilty. How is that good for any of us?” Hu Ge reasoned.

He was right and Zhan knew it, but it still hurt to part from him. He could only hope this separation would not be definitive. He would be heartbroken if he lost Hu Ge's friendship for good. 

“Do you think…do you think you could ever be my friend again?” Zhan asked in a very low voice. 

“I will always be your friend, Zhan. But I need to put some distance between us for a while, until I can heal. One day, we’ll meet again without any guilt or sadness.”

“Yes, of course,” Zhan accepted, resigned. Hu Ge was right, but he didn’t have to like it.

“I have…a last request,” Hu Ge told him.

“Yes, whatever you want,” Zhan answered quickly.

“You don’t know what I will ask from you, Zhan Zhan,” Hu Ge said, affectionately with a hint of sadness in his voice, his thumb ghosting a caress on Zhan’s right cheek.

“Doesn’t matter,” Zhan responded, matter-of-factly.

“Can I…can I kiss you once?” was Hu Ge’s heartfelt request. 

Zhan closed his eyes and nodded unsurely. He could do that much for Hu Ge, it was not enough. He knew it would never be enough, but it would have to suffice.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

Zhan closed his eyes and felt Hu Ge taking his face in his hands. Slowly and very carefully, he posed his lips on Zhan’s caressing them unhurriedly. Zhan was then invaded by a great sadness. He felt his heart break again, this time for Hu Ge.

“I think I should get going,” Hu Ge said after separating from Zhan. Don’t forget your appointments with Dr. Yang and…take care. I wish you happiness Zhan Zhan.”  
“Thank you. I wish the same for you. You deserve it,” was Zhan’s answer.

“Good bye, Zhan Zhan,” Hu Ge said and went to the door. As soon as he left, Zhan crumbled. He was alone again to fight his demons and to go on living. 

He didn’t want to be alone, not at the moment. Clumsily, he reached out for his phone, looking for a contact he dialed.

“Hi,” he greeted the person at the end of the line. “Yes, I feel better. Listen…can I…can I stay there for a while?” He waited for an answer. “Okay, see you soon.”

*

Yi Bo spent the whole morning replaying his conversation with Lulu over and over again. What did she mean about Hu-laoshi? Why had Zhan needed a psychiatrist? Were Zhan’s medical appointments with a psychiatrists? What had happened to him in Japan? There were so many things he wanted to know, so many topics he needed to discuss with Zhan. He would talk to him next Monday. He would ask him out for a cup of coffee, he would let him know he was finally a free man. Free to love Zhan without any guilt. He just hoped Zhan could love him back. 

*  
Monday came and Yi Bo arrived earlier than usual to the office. He was waiting for Zhan to arrive. Maybe, he could convince him to go for a cup of coffee early so they could talk.

However, Zhan never came. Around midday, Miss Chen received a call from him, letting her know he didn’t feel well and he would be absent from the office. He had asked her to keep him informed about anything that was needed from him, and he would work on it from home.

Yi Bo despaired when he heard the news. Their assistant let him know, and he worried about Zhan’s health. Reaching a decision, he left the office early, went to buy a bouquet of flowers and drove towards Zhan’s home. They really needed to talk.


	13. If Our Love Is Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [ JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ If Our Love is Wrong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zucJcJ6UJ84) by Calum Scott
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

Yi Bo arrived at Zhan’s apartment building holding a flower bouquet in his hands. He tried to look nonchalant, to hide how jittery he was. He knocked on his door, but nobody answered. He stood at Zhan’s door for thirty minutes, knocking occasionally and then just waiting. A neighbor opened her door and looked at him, taking pity on him after looking at the despair that had begun to show on his face.

“He’s not there. I saw him leave on Saturday. I haven’t seen him since that day,” she told him.

He nodded his thanks to her and got going. If Zhan was not feeling well, where could he possibly be? Was he sick enough to be in a hospital? He tried calling him, but the call rang and rang and Zhan never picked up. Well, that was to be expected. 

He went back to the office, there was not much he could do for now. It was not as if he could ask Lulu for Zhan’s whereabouts. That would have been unnecessary callousness. He was not that much of a jerk.

Without any other option at the moment, he decided to wait and see if Zhan would be back the next day. Unfortunately for him, Zhan didn’t appear on Tuesday either. He was losing hope. What if Zhan decided to ditch the entire project? What would he do then? How could he get a hold of Zhan? He didn’t know.

A call from his mom took him out of his musings. He was in such a state of turmoil that he didn’t feel centered enough to deal with his parents at the moment. This was especially true for his mom. He loved her to pieces, but sometimes, she could get on his nerves. Especially if they were talking about Lulu. After staring at his phone for a few seconds, he grew some balls and took the call.

“Hello mom,” he said as soon as the call connected.

“Hi dear, how are you?” she greeted him in a cheerful tone. He felt anything but cheerful, but she didn’t really need to know that right now. He just wanted to listen to her and get over with whatever she wanted or needed. He was not feeling particularly patient at the moment.

Unconsciously, he took a blank piece of paper and starting doodling on it. He caught himself writing Zhan’s name, his brain telling him what was really on his mind at the moment.

“I’m fine mom. Is there anything you need?” He went directly to the point. Small talk had never been his forte, but right now he was too weary to pretend to care.

“Don’t be like that Yi Bo. I taught you manners!” was her no-nonsense response. 

“Of course madam,” he changed his tone to show respect. Not because he was feeling particularly respectful at the moment, but because he needed to appease her.

“We haven’t seen you in a while. Come home and have lunch with us tomorrow,” she said in a much happier tone. 

“Tomorrow?” He let the question roll out of his tongue without thinking. This was really not the time, he was so worried about Zhan and his whereabouts that he forgot to hold his tongue.

“Is it not a good time for you?” the acerbic tone of his mother’s question brought him back to reality. Fuck it! He thought.

“I’ll be there at the usual time mom,” he assured her. They said their goodbyes in a perfunctorily way and he cut the call. 

This new obstacle in his path seemed to inspire a new idea in his brain. He could hit himself for not thinking about it before. But this could work. Feeling almost giddy, he requested Ms. Chen’s presence in his office.

“Come in,” he prompted her to enter his office as soon as she appeared at the doorway.

“Yes Mr. Wang? What can I do for you?” she questioned. He had sounded unusually excited when he had requested her presence.

“Are you in touch with Mr. Xiao?” he inquired, trying to appear calm and collected.

“Yes sir. He’s been calling me to see if something urgent came up,” she answered straightforwardly.

“Well, something came up,” he lied through his teeth. “We need his signature on some papers. I understand he’s not feeling well, so I’ll see that someone can take the papers to him. Do you know where he’s staying at the moment?” It was a ruse and he knew it, but he didn’t give a flying fuck about it. He needed to know where Zhan was staying, so he could go and talk to him once and for all.

“I don’t know sir,” she responded, “but I think I could explain the situation to Mr. Xiao next time he calls and he might tell me.”

Bingo! Yi Bo thought. She reached that conclusion all by herself. Good girl! He thought. If she achieved it, he started to calculate the size of the bonus he could give her without offending her. He’d think about something.

“Of course,” he tried to sound unconcerned. “He’s a reasonable person. Please, let me know as soon as you have any news from him.”

Ms. Chen nodded and stood up, walking towards the door she hesitated for a brief moment, “Sir,” she told him, “he doesn’t sound well.” Without another word, she exited his office.

Those four words threw him in a spiral of distress. His heart ached for Zhan, it was imperative for them to talk to end this pain that was consuming them both.

*

Wednesday arrived and still no signs of Zhan. Yi Bo kept waiting, hoping that Zhan would come to the office, but it didn’t happen. Resigned, he drove to his parents’ home to be there in time for lunch. He was waiting for any news from Ms. Chen.

Despair was slowly creeping towards his heart. When would he get some respite? He had fucked up over and over again. Would he ever find a way to make it up to Zhan? He didn’t know and he had started doubting it was even possible. 

He arrived at his parents’ home in time. It had been a while since he thought about this house as his home. His mother had been in charge of the décor and well, his mother didn’t believe in simplicity as a way to show good taste. He wasn’t sure if heavily ornamented was an actual style, but his mom believed in that for sure. 

Growing up, he had learned to avoid vases and sculptures the hard way. Breaking one of his mother’s favorite vases had been a good enough lesson for him when he was six. He discarded those memories and braced himself for the lunch at hand.

Her mother greeted him cheerfully when he reached the dining room, and then she took a step back and looked at him as if she was looking for something. 

“Where is Lulu?” she asked, pointblank.

“I don’t know,” he answered, dumbfounded.

“Why didn’t you bring her?”

“You didn’t tell me she was invited,” he replied, really confused.

“This is a family lunch,” she kept on.

Yi Bo still failed to see her point. Exactly, this was supposed to be a family lunch, so he still didn’t understand why Lulu’s presence was needed.

“Precisely, I still don’t see…” Yi Bo started to say, when his father arrived at the dining room. They nodded to each other as a form of greeting and immediately, everyone took their respective places at the table. It was an unspoken rule in the house, once Yi Bo’s dad arrived everybody would take their seats and food was to be served without delay.

Once the food was served and everybody started eating, Yi Bo’s mom addressed his dad to complain.

“Dear, Yi Bo didn’t invite Lulu to have lunch with us.” Yi Bo’s dad looked at his wife, then at his son and asked, ”Wasn’t this supposed to be a family lunch?”

Yi Bo nodded in agreement with his dad -finally some common sense was making its presence be known. Madam Wang, however, was nothing if not relentless. 

“She’s as good as part of this family, they are going to get married someday. By the way,” she started while looking directly at Yi Bo, ”When are you going to propose? We need to look for engagement rings. It needs to be fabulous, we can lend you some money so you can give her a spectacular rock…”

Oh crap! Yi Bo thought, the shit was going to hit the proverbial fan in a few seconds. He was sure his mom would go ballistic once she knew they had broken up. He was in such a state of worry about Zhan that he decided to tell the truth to his parents.

“That won’t happen mom,” he interrupted her tirade.

“What do you mean? Won’t you take a loan from your own parents?” She looked genuinely puzzled.

“It’s not what I mean. Lulu broke up with me,” he told her and focused on his soup.

“What?!” She was livid, and he just didn’t give a fuck anymore. He had denied himself so much for the sake of appearances. He was done with it.

“When?!” The questioning continued. He didn’t see the point, but whatever.

“Last Saturday,” was his curt response.

His father felt the need to intervene. “Did you cheat on her?” Yi Bo felt like shit, because technically he cheated on her…with her cousin. God, he was such a piece of garbage. He wasn’t going to go into it with his parents, so he lied.

“I didn’t,” he paused. The bitter taste of a lie on his tongue. “We agreed to be friends.”

Yi Bo’s dad seemed satisfied. It seemed like business would not be disrupted by this event. His mother, on the other hand, felt like her lifelong dream of getting close to the Zhou family was imploding.

“What are you doing to get her back?” She asked in an almost desperate tone.

“Nothing. She’s my friend, I love her as a friend. Nothing more,” was Yi Bo’s explanation.

“What’s wrong with you?” His mother went on. Seriously, he was getting tired of this shit. 

“There’s nothing wrong with me mother. I don’t love her. She’s just a friend. In fact, if you must know, I’m in love with someone else.” That was it. He finally admitted it to his family. He felt…relieved. He was just fed up with pretending. If his mother wanted to know, he would make sure she knew. 

“What are you talking about?” she questioned, her face had transformed into a mask of fury.

“I. Love. Someone. Else,” he punctuated every word, like he was talking to a small child with poor language comprehension. He was crossing a line and he knew it. 

“Who is this woman? I’m sure she can’t compare to Lulu. What are you thinking Yi Bo?” His mom was furious. Honestly, he couldn’t find the strength to care. 

“Who said it was a woman?” Yi Bo finally said. He was about to stand up and leave when his phone chimed. Desperately, he took it out of his jacket and read the message. It was from Ms. Chen who had just earned the fattest bonus he could come up with. A very simple message _–he’s at his parent’s home,_ had made him feel some hope again. 

Standing up, he bowed to his parents and said his goodbyes. “I need to go. Let’s talk about it later. It’s a work matter, so if you will excuse me,” and he just left. 

He ran to his car, got into it and drove. He had a destination and the feeling of being lost, ever since Zhan had asked him to leave his home, was finally beginning to abate. 

*

Zhou Lian was coincidentally near the doorway when the doorbell rang. That was odd in itself. They were not expecting anybody, but if that person had reached the door, it meant they were close to the family so security hadn’t stopped them.

Could it be Hu Ge? She wondered for a brief moment. That idea was immediately discarded since she knew Hu Ge was too well mannered to intrude on their privacy without calling first. This was unexpected and irritating at the same time. She decided to open the door herself since she wanted to know who had dared to arrive unannounced to her home.

She opened the door and found a very serious Wang Yi Bo standing on the other side. She studied him carefully. Involuntarily, her curiosity was piqued. What was Wang Yi Bo doing here? She wondered. He bowed very low as a greeting and using the most polite tone he could muster he said, “I apologize for arriving unannounced, but there is a matter at work I need to discuss with Zhan. Can I please talk to him?”

She squinted while looking at him, this was certainly unexpected. She knew her son had not been feeling well, he still hadn’t confided to her what had happened, and she wasn’t about to put more pressure on Zhan, so she was not sure if it was wise for Wang Yi Bo to speak to her son at the moment.

“I didn’t know you were that close,” was her comment when she finally deigned to speak.

Yi Bo swallowed visibly under the eagle-like watch of Zhan’s mom. Damn! This woman was a sharp one, he thought. 

“We work together,” was Yi Bo’s short response, like it was self-explanatory in itself. 

Zhou Lian recognized an evasion when she heard it. She rose a carefully manicured eyebrow, showing her full skepticism. Finally, she broke the silence.

“I’m afraid it won’t be possible. He’s not feeling well,” she said in a tone that left no room for discussion.

Yi Bo felt his hopes plummet, even now he couldn’t reach Zhan. What else could he do? At that exact moment, Zhan reached the doorway, following the voice of his mother and another voice, a familiar one that he cherished and feared at the same time.

“Yi Bo?” He said, unsure of his senses. He didn’t know how it was possible for Yi Bo to be standing in his parent’s doorway. Part of him wanted to run and hide, overwhelmed by his emotions. Another part, however, was just tired of running and hiding. He didn’t have the energy to resist anymore. He was emotionally exhausted, so he just…surrendered.

“Zhan…” Yi Bo could not pretend anymore, all the yearning he was feeling poured out of him and it could be heard in his voice. He took a look at Zhan and worried even more. He looked frail and pale, and at the same time he managed to look ethereally beautiful. His hair, much longer that Yi Bo remembered, was down. In all this time, since they have reencountered, he had never seen Zhan with his hair down, he felt his fingers itching to run through the long silky strands. 

“What happened? Why are you here?” Zhan questioned him sounding alarmed. He had noticed Yi Bo’s tone, and his heart had made a summersault in his chest. 

“I…” Yi Bo swallowed visibly before he could go on. “Something came up at the office,” his voice betrayed him, “I…” His throat closed completely. It became physically painful for him to speak. 

Zhan noticed Yi Bo was struggling and took pity of him, “Is there something we need to discuss urgently about the project?” he asked. Of course he knew that nothing of that sort was true. If something happened at this stage of the project, it would be their legal team’s work to fix it, but his mother didn’t know and she didn’t need to know. 

Yi Bo nodded, relieved. He had felt he was about to pass out from the effort and stress he was experiencing. 

Zhan’s mom still looked at them unconvinced. There was something else between them, she could practically sense it, but she didn’t have anything tangible that pointed in that direction. As far as she knew, Yi Bo was still dating his niece and he was Zhan’s business partner, nothing more. 

“Please, come in,” Zhan finally invited Yi Bo to enter the house. He observed Bo, who was sweating profusely and had an idea. 

“Have you been in the garden?” he asked Yi Bo. “Maybe, we can walk around it while we talk,” he suggested without waiting for an answer. What he really wanted was some privacy.

Yi Bo nodded, he would go to the Sahara desert right now if it would mean a moment with Zhan.

“All right then, please follow me,” Zhan told him. He gave his mother a meaningful look, trying to convey that he needed privacy. She answered him with a slight nod, acknowledging his request.

Following Zhan to the garden was the easiest thing to do at the moment, since Yi Bo wanted nothing more than following him for the rest of his life. If Zhan asked him to become his shadow, he would gleefully do it, just to be close to him.

They exited the house and Yi Bo took a deep breath, this was it. He needed to know many things about Zhan and the time they had been separated, and at the same time, it was imperative for him that Zhan knew his side of the story. 

It was a really large garden full of exotic flowers and an immaculate lawn that seemed to have been mowed with millimetric precision. A white gazebo in the middle of it dominated the landscape, Zhan walked towards it, Yi Bo in tow. Inside the gazebo there was a wooden park bench, so Zhan pointed towards it, silently inviting Yi Bo to sit there with him. Both of them sat down and remained silent for a few seconds. 

“Why are you hiding?” Yi Bo asked Zhan without preamble. He almost regretted his straightforwardness as soon as those words left his mouth. He wished he possessed more finesse to deal with the whole situation, but right now he was just too desperate.

“I’m not hiding,” Zhan replied, defensively. It was bullshit and Zhan knew it, but he was afraid of being hurt again. He didn’t know if he could survive this time.

“Yes, you are,” Yi Bo stated. This was not the time for a strategic retreat, if they didn’t addressed all their issues now, there might not be another chance for them. 

“I’m not.” Zhan tried to deny it, stubbornly.

“I know you. You are hiding from me, and…” He stopped, unable to continue. He didn’t want to look presumptuous, but he was almost sure his love for Zhan was returned.

“And what Yi Bo? You seem to know everything about me,” he retorted, petulantly. It was another mask, another smokescreen to hide behind.

“Your own feelings,” Yi Bo finished. He was not going to be intimidated by Zhan this time. 

Zhan dropped his gaze, full of shame. Yi Bo was right, he was hiding from his own feelings, but they didn’t have a place to exist or flourish in this world. They were dangerous and poisonous. They could hurt other people, people he loved dearly.

“My feelings don’t matter,” he whispered, truly believing what he had just said. 

“Like hell they don’t!” Yi Bo said, angrily. Furious and desperate, he put one hand under Zhan’s chin, making Zhan look at him. “They are everything to me,” he said, passionately.

“No, don’t say that,” Zhan tried to make him stop talking. He almost begged him to stop. He wasn’t sure he would be able to resist anymore.

“I love you,” Yi Bo said in a barely audible voice, looking at him with a soft expression on his face.

“But Lulu…” Zhan tried to protest. He felt like he was losing a battle right now, and yet, it didn’t hurt to be defeated.

“Lulu visited me last Saturday and asked many questions,” Yi Bo said and Zhan’s breathing faltered. “She knew.”

Zhan’s eyes widened. Suddenly it became hard to breathe. He had to ask, “What did she know?”

“She suspected and wanted to confirm…what we did…our past,” he didn’t dare to say the word relationship. “She said you told her, she just wanted to confirm if it had been me.”

“What did you tell her?” Zhan wanted to know. His heart was racing within his ribcage.

“The truth. I told her the truth. I _owed_ her the truth,“ Yi Bo emphasized the last sentence. “She’s my friend.”

“Nothing more?” Zhan asked, terrified of his boldness, but needing to know everything. He labeled his impulse as morbid fascination, but even he had to accept he was dying to know it all.

“We met after you left,” Yi Bo started, relieved that he finally had the chance to explain everything to Zhan. “We became friends, very good friends. I was very sad and lonely at the time, and she was good to me. She became very dear to me, a very dear friend and then…”

Zhan was terrified at Yi Bo’s pause, he dreaded the words that would come next. He could picture Yi Bo telling him that he had fallen in love with her and he wasn’t sure he could stomach it.

“Then she had to travel abroad, I don’t know where or why, she wouldn’t say. When she came back she asked me to date her. She was really distressed and she told me it would make her happy. I wanted her to be happy, she’s my best friend.”

Zhan let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He guessed this had happened after Lulu had come back from her visit to see him in Japan. He had still been recovering at the time.

“I said yes and regretted it almost immediately. She didn’t deserve to be with someone who was…who is in love with someone else. I gave myself a term of six months to give it a chance and try to fall in love with her, the time was almost finished when you came back and then…you didn’t want to hear my explanations.”

Zhan stood up, suddenly. This was confusing and he started feeling dizzy, this…all of this was overwhelming. Yi Bo loved him, he still didn’t understand why he had dated his cousin, but who was he to judge? He had almost started dating Hu Ge. He would be right now in a relationship with him, had Hu Ge not stepped aside. 

He was about to faint and Yi Bo noticed, bolting up to help him, he held him by his wrists, and then Yi Bo felt the scars. Horrified, he took Zhan’s hands and turned them over to get a good view of them. When Zhan didn’t resist, Yi Bo set aside the cuffs of Zhan’s shirt and took off his watch, then he saw them. It was painfully obvious what had happened.

He looked at Zhan, pained. This was too much for him. Zhan could have… He couldn’t even form that word in his mind. Now, many of the things that Lulu had said to him made sense. Still, he needed to know, so he asked.

“When?” He asked in a voice full of despair. 

“After the Sakura fell, during my first year,” Zhan answered, still in a haze. He was still too confused to come up with a more accurate timeline.

“Why?” Yi Bo asked dreading the answer. Please, he begged to the Heavens, don’t let it be because of me. 

“I was depressed,” was Zhan’s short answer. He didn’t want to elaborate on it, he felt so raw right now.

“Why were you depressed?” Yi Bo continued inquiring. He was already blaming himself for it. Why did he have to be such a coward in the past? Why had he let Zhan go?

“I was alone, I missed my family, things weren’t going well at work, many things.” He was still trying to avoid saying the whole truth.

“And?” Yi Bo insisted, not convinced by Zhan’s obvious efforts to hide the truth. 

“I was heartbroken…I missed you…so much.” There it was, finally. The dam holding back all of Zhan’s emotions broke and he started to cry. His sobs were so violent that his whole body shook with them. Yi Bo embraced him and held him, wanting to be forgiven and hating himself at the same time. 

“I was in love with you when I left. I…confessed to you while you were sleeping that last night, but you…” He couldn’t continue. You didn’t listen to me, you were not interested. Those facts still hurt him, even now.

“I went…” Yi Bo said, hesitantly. “I was at the airport when…your parents went to say goodbye. I was there. I hoped…It was stupid. I hoped you wouldn’t go in the end.”

“But you…”

“I know…I didn’t…fully realize, until after…”

That was the exact moment when Zhan’s defenses fell. Yi Bo loved him, he had loved him since then. He felt guilty for feeling so immensely happy. Still, people got hurt. It couldn’t be that easy, could it?

“But Lulu…” He tried to resist. He wanted nothing more than to surrender to Yi Bo’s love, but it still felt somehow…wrong, and yet he had never wanted anything with the same intensity in his life as he wanted this.

“She requested me to have, and I quote, _‘a real adult talk’_ with you. She said she would be happy if we could work everything out.”

Zhan was speechless, his Lulu had said that! But he still felt like shit for her. He wished he could be a selfish bastard. There was another doubt hidden in the dark corner of his mind, he needed to voice it, but it was physically impossible for him at the moment. 

Yi Bo read the hesitation that appeared on Zhan’s face. He looked full of doubts, full of unasked questions. He had to do something, he could not lose him now. 

“We never went beyond holding hands and a quick peck on the lips. I respect her too much for anything else, besides…” Now it was Yi Bo’s turn to hesitate. Zhan looked at him, expectantly. “I haven’t been attracted to anyone else…that way, not since…” he dropped his eyes in shame. This was not the place or time to talk about it, but Zhan needed reassurance.

Zhan’s facial expression was completely blank until understanding dawned on him. Then, his eyes widened and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks and ears. He didn’t really want to talk about it, but Yi Bo’s sincerity deserved some kind of reciprocity so in a very low voice he mumbled: “Me neither.”

On a whim, Yi Bo looked into Zhan’s eyes, very much surprised and slightly relieved. He had also been wondering about Zhan’s partners during their time apart. Knowing that there hadn’t been anyone else soothed his very soul. 

“How did you meet Hu Ge?” 

“He was a visiting physician at the hospital in Tokyo. After…what happened, I rushed to the hospital and passed out at the E. R.’s entryway. They looked at my I.D. and realized I was Chinese. When I woke up, I couldn’t speak Japanese. I wasn’t able for a while. They asked him to talk to me, then he became my psychiatrist. He was really the savior of my sanity.”

Yi Bo was so grateful for Hu Ge’s presence that the last vestiges of jealousy that remained in him a moment before suddenly disappeared. There was nothing he could do in this life or the next to pay him back for what he had done for Zhan. He understood now, for Hu Ge to fall in love with Zhan had been unavoidable.

“Did Lulu and he meet in Tokyo?” Yi Bo asked.

“Yes, Lulu learned about what happened…my parents told her, but I was not in a good place emotionally. I didn’t think I would have been able to handle disappointing her, so I asked her not to visit me until I felt better. When I was feeling strong enough to face her, I called for her. She came to me immediately and I told her everything. Only she and Hu Ge know the complete story. Hu Ge was my psychiatrist at the time.”

“I see,” Yi Bo told him, feeling really distressed now that he knew all that Zhan went through. It should have been him supporting Zhan, loving him, if only he hadn’t been so blind to his own heart.

But now, they were at a crossroads. They needed to decide what would come next for both of them. If they would stand a chance of becoming a real couple, and there was nothing in the world that Yi Bo desired more. 

“Zhan, please forgive me. I should have seen it before, I should have allowed myself to feel it. I know I fucked up, but I…I love you. And I know it’s going to be hard because we are both hurt, and because we hurt people in the process, but please give me one more chance. Give _US_ a chance.”

Xiao Zhan felt like he was at the edge of an abyss. If he jumped, the only safety net that would stop his free fall would be Yi Bo’s love. Jumping implied complete trust, and honestly, he didn’t know if he was ready.

“I…” Yi Bo felt Zhan’s hesitation and it fucking hurt, but it was completely understandable. 

“Please, we need to heal. Let’s heal together,” Yi Bo begged him.

“But it’s wrong. You were with Lulu,” Zhan still resisted, but felt his strength dwindling.

“ _Baobei_ , if this is wrong I don’t want to be right,” Yi Bo responded, self-assured. 

Zhan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and jumped, “I love you Bo, please stay with me.”

“Of course Baobei, always,” was his heartfelt answer. He took Zhan’s face between his hands and was about to kiss him when a feminine voice shouted at them: “What do you think you are doing?”

*

Zhou Lian was unsettled. There was something else between her son and that Wang guy. She was not exactly sure what it was, and she was even less sure that she liked it. She needed to find out what it was exactly to decide what she was going to do about it. 

She was pacing in the living room while having an inward debate about respecting Zhan’s wishes for privacy and finding out what was really going on between the two men.  
After a while, she decided to give them some time in privacy and then go and ask them directly. She was well above spying on people, much less her own son. She cherished how close her relationship with Zhan had become, so she would not jeopardize it for anything in the world. 

They had been talking for more than an hour when she decided to go to the garden. She looked for them and found them in the gazebo. She was dumbfounded as she watched Wang Yi Bo hold her son’s face between his hands and move to kiss Zhan. What the hell was happening here?! She intervened out of pure reflex.

“What do you think you are doing?” she shouted before she could think about how to best approach the situation.

Both men jolted apart, surprised by her shout. When Yi Bo realized it had been Zhan’s mom who had witnessed them almost kissing, he didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh. For sure he was in the hands of some deity with a fucked up sense of humor. For good measure he just cringed as he released Zhan’s face, dropping his hands at his sides.

Zhan closed his eyes as he felt Yi Bo’s hands moving away from his face. He missed them already. Well fuck! Now he had to face his mother and give explanations he was far from ready to provide.

“Mom?” he questioned. He really needed to know why she hadn’t respected his need for some privacy. That was the exact reason why he had fought so hard to get out of his parents’ home to go to college. 

“Son, what’s the meaning of this?” she asked, clearly expecting a full explanation for what she had just witnessed. 

Yi Bo went ahead of Zhan and bowed very low in front of her to show his respect and to apologize.

“This one apologizes for his unbecoming behavior in your home, Madam Zhou.” He kept bowing. At some point, he wondered if kowtowing was too much. He wanted a life with Zhan, so he would put up with anything to make it easier to achieve it. 

Zhan’s mom was flabbergasted with Yi Bo’s reaction. If not for what she had witnessed before, she would have been impressed by his manners. But that was not the point. The problem here was that Yi Bo was Lulu’s boyfriend. 

“Please stop it,” she told Yi Bo. He obeyed at once. At that moment, Zhan found his words.

“I asked for a little privacy, Mom. You are intruding,” Zhan told his mom.

“Oh I see. I’m intruding. What about you explain to me why you were about to be kissed by your cousin’s boyfriend. It didn’t look like you were particularly opposed to the idea.”

“Because I wasn’t,” Zhan responded, defiantly.

Yi Bo’s eyes as well as Zhan’s mom’s widened a little, truly surprised. This was unexpected. However, Yi Bo felt his heart swell after hearing Zhan.

“What do you mean by that?” she had to ask.

“I am in love with him, mom. I have been in love with him for a long time. I loved him even before…I went to Japan,” he finally confessed to her.

“Was he the cause?” she inquired and Yi Bo wished the earth would swallow him right at the moment.

“I was depressed mom. You know that. There were several causes, but I missed him dearly, I can’t deny that,” Zhan explained.

Then, she directed her gaze towards Yi Bo, scrutinizing him with an unwavering fierceness. 

“Are you gay?” she asked Yi Bo.

Yi Bo stayed silent for a moment, questioning himself the exact same thing. This was the moment of truth. He needed to be sincere first to himself and then to everybody else.

“I am gay,” he finally accepted and he felt relieved.

“Then, why were you dating my niece?” She was relentless.

“Lulu is my friend, my best friend and I love her dearly as one. She asked me to date her, and I wanted to make her happy. I thought Zhan was not coming back, not to me at least. So I tried to make her happy. I couldn’t fall in love with her.”

“Does she know?” She needed to know. Her niece and her son’s wellbeing were on the line. 

“Yes, she does. She released me of my commitment to her,” he explained.

“But you’re hers,” she retorted.

“No. I’m nobody’s but Zhan’s,” he declared with a strong conviction.

Zhan felt dizzy after Yi Bo’s statement. God he loved him so much! He had dreamed for so long to hear those words, and now it felt a little surreal to know he could call Yi Bo his. He felt an impulse and surrendered to it. He crossed the distance that separated him from Yi Bo and kissed him. Right in front of his own mother. When they came up for air, he whispered into Yi Bo’s ear.

“My love,” then he strengthened his embrace.

“Baobei, come to my home. Enter my life through the front door this time,” Yi Bo asked him, full of emotion.

Zhan nodded, took Yi Bo’s hand in his and intertwined their fingers and nodded. 

“I need to go mom. I promise I’ll explain everything later,” Zhan said to his mother. 

She stood petrified, not knowing how to react and watched them leave the garden.

They didn’t have conscience of how long they had been talking, so they hadn’t noticed it was dusk already. Once they got out of the house, they walked towards Yi Bo’s Audi. It was then, after opening the passenger’s door for Zhan to enter the vehicle and closing it after he was seated that Yi Bo looked up to the sky, a shooting star crossed the night and Wang Yi Bo made a wish. He wished to stay with Zhan forever.


	14. Don't Dream It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [Don't Dream It's Over](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjBwAYIxUso&list=RDXjBwAYIxUso&start_radio=1) by Crowded House
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me.

The drive to Yi Bo’s building was silent. Both of them still in a state akin to shock. The whole situation felt unreal for Zhan, Yi Bo loved him. He was still in a daze, so he didn’t notice much detail about the building’s façade. Yi Bo drove to the underground parking lot and once he reached his allotted space, he parked his car automatically.

However, he still had the presence of mind of turning off the engine, getting out of the car and walking towards the passenger’s side to open the door for Zhan, who was so confused that he just reacted after Yi Bo’s hand was extended in front of him to help him.

Zhan took Yi Bo’s hand and felt his warmth while Yi Bo helped him out of the car, a small smile appeared on his lips. That brief touch had grounded him, it had reminded him that all of this was real and it wasn’t a product of his feverish imagination.

“This way,” Yi Bo told him, pointing towards the elevator. 

Yi Bo went ahead and Zhan followed him in silence. When both of them reached the elevator, Yi Bo took Zhan’s hand and intertwined their fingers. He had to overcome a great deal of fear to dare do that simple action. Having to repress his impulses for so long had made him inhibited when Zhan was involved. He still felt like he had no right to touch him. 

The elevator arrived and both entered it, the silence that enveloped them was different from the ones they had been experiencing lately. It still felt heavy, but not tense. It was like an unspoken promise of things to come.

When they finally reached the top floor, where Yi Bo’s penthouse was located, Zhan had become nervous again. The insecurity beast threatened to get unleashed inside his mind. He fought it this time. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes he repeated a silent mantra in his head – he loves me, HE loves me, he LOVES me, he loves ME.

If Yi Bo noticed Zhan’s unrest, he didn’t show it. He was focused on guiding Zhan to his apartment. They still had many things to talk about, many decisions to make, many plans to devise, and a shared life to build. 

They finally made it to Yi Bo’s doorway, he reached for his keys and opened the door. Stepping aside to let Zhan enter first, he closed the door behind them and muttered a simple “Welcome.”

Zhan knew what Yi Bo was trying to convey, he had finally arrived to his life each and every one of the strings attached. They had finally reached a point where they would have to commit. The feeling was as overwhelming as it was elating. 

Turning around to face Yi Bo, Zhan was about to kiss him since he missed the touch of his lips already, but it was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He took it out of his pocket with all the intention of turning it off, but the name showing on the screen stopped him in his tracks. He hesitated, should he answer that call right now? He had never in his life refused a call from Lulu without a very powerful reason, so he decided he was not going to start now. Taking another deep breath, he answered the call.

“Lulu?” he half-questioned and half-answered. His quivering voice betraying his nervousness. 

“Zhan? Thank God you took the call,” Lulu rushed through the words, she sounded agitated.

“What happened?” Zhan asked, beginning to fell alarmed. Lulu seemed to be walking while speaking, which was making her a little breathless.

“Nothing of importance. Listen to me Zhan, this is important. They’ll call you, both of you. Don’t pick up their calls. Don’t listen to them. They don’t know, they don’t matter,” her voice conveyed a sense of urgency.

“What do you mean, Lulu?” He was getting anxious and worried.

“It’s just…” She hesitated, feeling unsure about disclosing what was happening with their families.

“Please,” Zhan begged. Whatever it was, they had the right to know. He heard her huffing on the phone, as she decided to tell him everything.

“Yi Bo’s mom came to our house, she went directly to my mother without me knowing it,” Lulu started, “she told my mother that they needed to stop this nonsense. She was referring to the break up, you know.” 

“Yes?” Zhan tried to sound encouraging, but he wasn’t sure he was achieving it.

“Anyway, she insinuated that Yi Bo and I need to stay together because I might be pregnant with their grandchild,” she paused to take a breath, ”which is of course totally ridiculous because we never…”

Zhan released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Yi Bo had told him that fact already, but hearing the confirmation from Lulu’s lips really settled the matter in his mind for good.

“Why would she do that?” Zhan had to ask.

“She seems desperate to keep us together, which is simply absurd. I don’t think she knows who Yi Bois in love with. Anyway, she might be a little bonkers so be prepared for the mother-in-law from hell.”

Zhan couldn’t avoid chuckling at that statement. Seriously, it appeared it would be exactly like Lulu had described. The underlying meaning of mother-in-law made his legs wobbly, the mere idea of being married to Yi Bo had seemed so unattainable for so long, that right now he didn’t dare to allow his mind to go there.

“Anyway, I talked to my parents in private. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of an explanation after airing such a distorted version of my private life. I assured them that nothing of that sort was possible, because Yi Bo and I were never in that kind of relationship. Still, the doubt was sown so I made a deal with them.”

Now Zhan was really curious, not only about what Lulu was telling him, but also because of the background noise he was hearing during their call. It seemed Lulu was really busy.

“What kind of deal?” Zhan wanted to know.

“I needed to go on a business trip next week, I told them I´d go ahead and travel right now. I won’t stand this kind of intrusion on my privacy. So I proposed to prove I’m not pregnant.”

“Where are you traveling to?” Zhan questioned her.

“Korea, but it’s beside the point right now. Focus Zhan Zhan. Anyway, I asked them to buy every single brand of over the counter pregnancy tests to verify that I’m not pregnant.”

“What did they say?” Curiosity took a hold of Zhan.

“They agreed. So I peed on so many sticks that I think I’m now dehydrated.”

Letting out a wholehearted laugh, Zhan relaxed a bit. This whole conversation had produced anxiety in him. He had been reluctant to talk to his cousin because he felt ashamed of his behavior. This time, however, he knew he needed to overcome those feelings, now he was certain he wouldn’t let Yi Bo go.

“Anyway, I have the plane ticket in my hands. I’ll fly out tonight. But I needed to let you know of the madness that is unfolding around you two. After that aunty called me.”

“My mom?” Zhan inquired.

“Yeah, she wanted to verify that Yi Bo and I were done. I told her some stuff. Nothing too private, it is after all your prerogative how much you want her to know. I also told her about Yi Bo’s mom’s shenanigans.”

Crap! Zhan thought, his mother must be furious now. She would not tolerate any interference on Lulu and Zhan’s life. 

“As you can imagine,” Lulu went on, “she was livid. So you can expect a call from her. The only promise I managed to extract from her was that she would call you tomorrow. You can turn off your phone until tomorrow. I strongly suggest you do that if you want some semblance of peace.”

Zhan had to agree with her. He felt elated, but also exhausted. The toll taken by the emotional rollercoaster he experienced today was too much. 

“Lulu…”He needed to apologize even though they were talking on the phone, he knew he would not see Lulu for a while. He didn’t know how long it would be until they met again. She seemed to know what he was trying to say and decided to stop him.

“No need Zhan. I’m fine. I will be completely fine in a while. Don’t worry. You…both of you have my support.”  
He wanted to tell her many things, to ask for forgiveness, but this was not the time. Later, when they saw each other again he would give her a proper apology. He was in her debt and he knew it.

“Thank you. Take care and have a safe trip my Lulu.”

“I will Zhan Zhan, I’ll stay in touch,” she said as a farewell and hung up.

*

Yi Bo had stayed a silent spectator of the phone call between Zhan and Lulu. He was not above confessing he had been afraid at first. A call from Lulu could have unsettled Zhan, making him doubt his decision on staying with him. 

He wasn’t able to hear anything. Although he had wanted to do so, his good manners forbade him to spy. However, the changes in Zhan’s facial expression had been indicative enough of something serious happening. 

There was no alternative for him, he had to wait for Zhan to tell him what was going on. After Zhan finished the call, he dared to ask him.

“Has something happened, baobei?” he asked, knowing that he wouldn’t like the answer.

Zhan took a deep breath and narrated the whole ordeal to him. Every single detail that Lulu had related to him. Zhan had made a silent promise to Yi Bo and to himself, he wouldn’t hide anything from him ever. The good, the bad and the ugly, Yi Bo would always know it from him.

Yi Bo felt like a freaking chameleon changing colors as Zhan spoke. He went from red from embarrassment to white from rage. What his mother had done was unforgivable. 

How in the world would he be able to face Zhan and Lulu’s parents after that? How could he expect to be accepted by Zhan’s family? 

“I’m so sorry, baobei,” he wanted to apologize for his mother behavior, “I didn’t think she would react like this.”

“What do you mean react?” Zhan asked, completely puzzled.

“I had lunch with my parents today,” he explained, ”I told them about the break up and…” He hesitated, but at this point, it didn’t really matter. “I told them I’m in love with someone else. I told them the one I love is a man. I didn’t stay to see their reaction to the news.”

“Why didn’t you stay?” Zhan asked him.

“I received a message with your whereabouts and ran to find you,” he explained to Zhan.

“Will it be a problem? What do you think?” Zhan needed to know.

“From what you told me, it will be a big problem,” Yi Bo stated, “I might even lose this apartment.”

“Why?” Zhan asked with a horrified tone in his voice.

“Well, this place was a birthday gift. Although the deed has my name on it, the actual document is in my father’s hands. I really don’t know what to expect,” Yi Bo confessed.

“I see,” Zhan said. He looked pensive and that worried Yi Bo.

“I might have nothing to offer you,” Yi Bo whispered.

“You have given me the world already. Your love is more than enough,” Zhan told him, passionately.

“But…”

“If you lose this place, you can come to my apartment. I know it’s not big, but we could live there…together,” Zhan said and bit his lower lip after that, unsure of Yi Bo’s answer.

“Are you serious, baobei?” Yi Bo asked, hopeful.

“Of course. If you want to, we could live together,” Zhan said in a low voice.

“I want nothing more,” Yi Bo confessed. 

“I need to tell you something else,” Zhan started. “My mom knows about this…situation. She will call me tomorrow and I will have to provide some explanations. I just don’t want you to be surprised. I don’t know how she will react. It went pretty well when I told them I’m gay, but now…I just don’t know."

Yi Bo visibly cringed at the mention of Zhan’s mom knowing about his mom’s behavior. He was completely embarrassed by it. He would understand if Zhan’s family opposed their relationship. It would make his life hell, but he would understand it.

All his doubts went away when Zhan finally kissed him again. It was a soft caress on his lips, but he felt like the earth had shifted on its axis. 

“I’ve missed you baobei,” he whispered when they came up for air.

“Me too my love,” Zhan told him, “so much.”

“Do you want to eat something, take a shower?” Yi Bo inquired. He wanted Zhan to feel at home.

“I’m not hungry,” Zhan confessed, “just very tired. I think I would like to take a shower.”

“I’ll look for some clothes for you,” Yi Bo said, standing up to go to his bedroom. Once he located a pair of PJs for Zhan, the largest he owned, he left everything in the bathroom.

Zhan gave him a nod as a thank you and entered the bathroom, meanwhile Yi Bo made a mental recount of the day’s events. The fact that Zhan and he were together felt surreal. It was such a shame that his own mother decided to make a spectacle of herself trying to force him to stay with Lulu. The whole situation would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic.

When Zhan came out of the bathroom, Yi Bo had to admit that he was pretty exhausted himself, he decided to take a shower too. 

“I’ll take a shower. Are you too tired?” he asked Zhan. “You don’t have to wait and can go to bed.”

“I’ll wait for you, my love,” Zhan answered and Yi Bo almost swooned when he heard that term of endearment again.

He took a quick shower and changed in the bathroom. He wanted to give Zhan enough space, he didn’t want to pressure him in any way. Whatever would happen between them, it would be Zhan’s decision. He was the one who would set their pace, and Yi Bo would follow his lead.

*

Zhan watched Yi Bo enter the bedroom and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him, his adoration evident in his gaze. Now that they were together, he realized the magnitude of his loneliness. Living apart from him had been a living hell, one that he was able to survive by numbing his own heart.

“What are you thinking about Zhan Zhan?” Yi Bo asked him. He didn’t know how to broach the subject of their sleeping arrangements and what he could possibly expect from Zhan in terms of physical contact. 

“You,” Zhan answered, candidly.

Yi Bo didn’t know if he should feel terrified or amused because he felt a little bit of both right at the moment.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. I need to allow myself to think about you I…I restrained my thoughts for so long,” Zhan said.

“I know what you mean. It was the same for me, otherwise it would have been unbearable.”

“Can I…? Can we…sleep together? Just sleep…for now,” Zhan requested, shyly.

“Of course baobei, whatever you want.” 

They went to bed together, and slept holding each other with their legs intertwined. Both of them needing reassurance and a solid proof of each other’s presence. 

*

The morning came too soon in Yi Bo’s opinion and he was woken up by the incessant ringing of his doorbell. He was completely disoriented, Zhan was still sleeping in his arms, and for the life of him he couldn’t remember what day of the week it was.

He tried to move without disturbing Zhan’s peaceful slumber and grabbing a robe he walked towards the doorway. He couldn’t imagine who could be ringing the bell now.

Yi Bo opened the door with some reluctance and he was truly surprised when he saw who was there.

“Good morning, can I speak with my son please?” a feminine voice asked him.

He stood stupefied by the view of an impeccably dressed Zhou Lian in front of his doorway. It took him a few seconds to process that Zhan’s mom was there.

“Of course. Please, come in,” he said after he got out of his haze. “Please, take a seat. Can I offer you something to drink? Tea perhaps or some coffee?” 

Zhan’s mom gave him a once over. She really didn’t want to like Wang Yi Bo, much less to be impressed by his impeccable manners. She was completely disinclined to accept that he would be a perfect partner for her son.

“I’d like some tea, please. If it is not a bother.”

“Not at all, madam. Give me a few minutes. Do you want me to wake up your son?”

“Yes, please.”

Speedily, he went to the kitchen and put some water into the kettle before walking towards his bedroom. Zhan seemed undisturbed by the noise, so he shook him a little.

“Zhan Zhan, please wake up.”

“What…” Zhan said. He was still disoriented.

“Zhan, your mother is here. She’s waiting for you in the living room,” Yi Bo told him, and he watched amused how Zhan was fully awake after he heard his words.

Zhan got out of bed in a hurry without stopping to check his appearance in the mirror and all but ran to the living room. If his mother was here, something was happening.  
Meanwhile, Yi Bo went straight to the kitchen to brew the tea for Zhan’s mom and to give them privacy.

“Mom,” he said as a form of greeting.

“Good morning to you too son,” she said in a flat tone. 

“Sorry, good morning,” Zhan corrected himself, apologetic.

“I see you are just getting out of bed,” she commented and Zhan wasn’t sure if her tone was reproachful or worried.

“Yes,” Zhan confirmed a little embarrassed. Both of them were supposed to be at work by now, but they had been exhausted after yesterday’s events.

“We need to talk son,” she went straight to the point. 

Yi Bo chose that moment to come back with a tray in his hands. He put the tray on the coffee table and very carefully he served the tea before offering a cup to Zhan’s mother almost ceremoniously. 

“I hope Oolong is okay and you find it to your taste, madam.”

Without saying another word, he tried to make himself scarce retreating to the kitchen again. The sharp gaze of Zhan’s mother scrutinized him from head to toe. Harrumphing discretely, she commanded his attention.

“I think you should stay and sit, Mr. Wang. The matter I’ll discuss also concerns you,” she told him.

“All right,” Yi Bo agreed, but he added, “I’d be honored if Madam Zhou finds it suitable to address me in a more informal way someday.”

Zhan watched amused as his mom’s eyebrows rose in a surprised gesture. Yi Bo had been bold, but so polite that Zhan was sure his mother was thoroughly impressed. She, of course, would continue addressing him in a formal manner until she deemed it convenient or until she felt like it, whatever occurred first.

“I gather you are aware of the scene that was caused yesterday at my sister’s home. Lulu told me you were informed,” she stated. She watched a little amused at the faint blush that colored Yi Bo’s face.

“I…” He tried to apologize, but was interrupted by Zhan.

“It’s not Yi Bo’s fault mother,” he said, defensively.

“Of course it isn’t,” his mother rebuked, immediately. “No one is responsible for other people’s decision to debase themselves.”

It hurt Yi Bo to agree with her, it was his mother who she was talking about. He felt too ashamed to respond to that.

“The point is,” she continued, “that we need to avoid a scandal of that sort. Lulu’s reputation needs to be protected. It would be against everybody’s interest if this matter leaks outside our families.”

This time Yi Bo was determined to express his point of view so he decided to intervene.

“Madam Zhou is correct. It would be detrimental to both companies and everyone involved. My mother acted without knowing the full truth since I left Zhan’s name out of any discussion.”

“What do you mean?” she asked for clarification.

“I just told my parents I’m in love with a man. They don’t know who I love,” Yi Bo explained.

“Would that have made a difference?” she questioned, curious. 

He thought carefully for a moment before assenting and answering. He knew his mother wouldn’t dare to mess with Zhan’s mother and his father would never jeopardize their business deal.

“Yes, madam.”

“I see,” she said and stayed pensive for a while.

“I…this could damage Zhan’s reputation. I think it’s best for me to lay low and make myself invisible,” Yi Bo offered. 

Zhan’s reaction was pure outrage. “Never! We are in this together and I’m not ashamed of us,” Zhan almost shouted.

“I know it’s not the case baobei, but it’s for the best,” Yi Bo pleaded.

“Actually, it isn’t,” Zhan’s mom surprised them both with her comment.

“What do you mean mom?” Zhan wanted to know.

“I’d rather see my son face discredit than see him yielding to someone else’s whim. If you are together, then you are together in front of everybody no matter who, and regardless of their opinion.”

Zhan and Yi Bo looked at each other, astonished. Did it mean that they had her support? 

“Why don’t you go on a trip for a while? I’ll personally deal with the families,” there was finality in her voice. It was obvious that it was not a suggestion.

“A trip? Where?” Zhan questioned.

“I don’t know. Wherever. Tokyo, Las Vegas, wherever both of you agree to go. We’ll say you are in Taiwan, taking care of the project. Meanwhile, I’ll smooth the edges here.”

“Why?” Yi Bo couldn’t stop himself, he needed to know.

“Because I married the one I chose, and I’d be damned if my own son doesn’t have the same opportunity. Nobody will take that away from him. Lulu explained everything I needed to know. I won’t oppose my own son’s heart.”

“Mom…” Zhan whispered in awe. His eyes welled up, he was so proud of her and grateful at the same time. However, it was Yi Bo who broke the silence.

“This one is in debt with you. I’ll never forget this,” he said and bowed so low that he was about to lose his balance.

“Stand up and be proud Wang Yi Bo, otherwise you would be an undeserving partner for my son.”

“Thank you mom,” Zhan told her while holding her.

“No one will decide your life for you. I won’t allow it. Now if you two excuse me, I have people to talk to,” she said and without uttering another word, she left.

They were dumbfounded by her visit and her proposal. It was a totally unexpected development. Now, they needed to decide what they would do.

“Baobei, what do you think?” Yi Bo was the first to get out of the shocked state Zhan’s mother’s visit had left them in.

“I don’t know, my love. However…” He left the words hanging.

“Yes?” Yi Bo needed to know what Zhan was thinking.

“It would be nice, you know? You and me together traveling alone without prying eyes,” he said as he took Yi Bo’s hands in his. 

A lopsided smirk appeared on Yi Bo’s face, “then, what are we waiting for? Where do you want to go?” he asked Zhan with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Vegas?” Zhan half asked, half proposed smiling at the playful look on Yi Bo’s face.

“Vegas it is then,” Yi Bo said and then he kissed Zhan.

*

A trip to Las Vegas sounded so good in theory, but reality can be such a bitch sometimes. They decided to follow the subtle hint Zhan’s mom gave them and traveled first to Taiwan, and then from Taoyuan International Airport to McCarran International Airport in Vegas. Almost twenty four hours later they arrived at their hotel and slept for twelve hours straight holding each other.

They relished in each other’s company, the freedom of walking down the streets hand in hand and not being afraid of being seen together in public. Their nights were full of tender touches and languid kisses, but sex was out of the question as Yi Bo wanted Zhan to feel loved. In the end, their lovemaking was initiated by Zhan since Yi Bo had been reluctant to put any kind of pressure on him. 

It was three days after they recovered from the trip when they decided to go out for a walk. They decided to visit some of the casinos and ended up drinking some cocktails just to taste them. Zhan had already spent months off of his antidepressants and the alcohol helped him get rid of his inhibitions. 

When they came back to their hotel room, Zhan removed his hair tie and let his hair cascade down onto his shoulders. Yi Bo watched the whole scene unfold totally mesmerized, his blood ignited like it was molten metal running through his veins. Zhan took a look at Yi Bo’s eyes and saw his dilated pupils that showed a desire that matched his own.

He ran his tongue on his lips, sending a silent invitation to Yi Bo who was still hesitant. Zhan was getting frustrated by Yi Bo’s insistence of treating him like he was about to break so he decided to tease him.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Zhan announced.

“Okay,” Yi Bo answered, unable to say anything else due to the lump that formed in his throat as he watched Zhan who had started undressing right in front of him.  
Zhan ran his fingers through his hair and unbuttoned his shirt slowly. He let his shirt slide off one of his shoulders revealing his alabaster skin while Yi Bo broke into a cold sweat. 

When he finally took off his shirt Yi Bo was so hard it hurt. He wanted to touch Zhan, to caress him, to leave a trail of kisses on that skin that he had once marked thoroughly. He wanted to rediscover Zhan, to be marveled by him, to taste him, to touch him, to worship him.

Finally finding his voice, Yi Bo whispered. “Please baobei, don’t tease me.”

“I’m not teasing you, I want you. Don’t you want me anymore?”

“God baobei, I want you…so much. I need you…I’ve missed you,” he didn’t know if now was the time to make a confession, but he could not stop himself, “all the time we were apart I couldn’t even touch myself without you in my mind. I desire no one but you. You are the only one for me.”

A low growl escaped Zhan’s throat as he shortened the distance between them. Crashing their lips together, he kissed Yi Bo until they were both breathless. When they came up for air, he told Yi Bo.

“It was the same for me, you are the one. What do you want my love? You have to tell me.”

The ripples of pleasure that Zhan’s confession sent through Bo’s skin traveled directly to his loins. He wanted everything, but what he wanted most was to be reminded that he belonged to Zhan, so he almost begged.

“Take me baobai, please.”

“Whatever you want, any way you want me, I’m yours,” Zhan told him, ardently.

Taking their time, they undressed each other. Memories came, but this time they didn’t cause pain. It was like their first time all over again, alone in a hotel room.

Zhan’s tongue drew new trails on Yi Bo’s skin. He bit his nipples and sucked until it was almost painful. Yi Bo was not going to be outdone, caressing and marking every centimeter of Zhan’s skin. 

Zhan drew in a shuddering breath as it was becoming too much for both of them to bear. “Tell me how,” Zhan whispered while he kept peppering kisses on Yi Bo’s neck and shoulder.

“I want to ride you,” Yi Bo moaned.

Zhan prepared Yi Bo carefully, stretching him while caressing his sweet spot. Their moans filled the room, and finally their terms of endearment became meaningful for both of them in the throes of passion.

Positioning himself, Yi Bo descended on Zhan’s cock while Zhan let out a low moan. They found their rhythm quickly, the memory of their bodies taking control. Not able to last long, they came together calling each other’s name. 

The night was still young, and they decided to shower together unable to be apart from each other. Their hunger for each other kept them awake the whole night.  
Dawn found them making love. Yi Bo was between Zhan’s thighs taking him slowly while whispering promises of love in his ear. 

After they reached their climax together, they were exhausted but completely reacquainted with each other’s bodies. Gasping for air, and still agitated, Yi Bo looked into Zhan’s eyes and whispered, “Marry me baobei.”


	15. Say You Won’t Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
> 
> Author notes 2: My eternal gratitude to [JJSIN2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJSIN2020) for editing this.
> 
> Author Notes 3: The song is [ Say You Won’t Let Go ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG8rAmgZBlI)covered by Madilyn Bailey and Joshua Devid Evans
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! They really encourage me. If you can, please leave a final comment about this story. I'll be most grateful.

There was a commotion at Lulu’s parents’ home since early morning. Everyone there seemed to be in a rush, and the whole residence was already full of people. Zhan and Yi Bo were getting ready in one of the bedrooms, far away from Lulu’s, where the true epicenter of the action was taking place. An army of make-up artists and hair stylists were taking care of the bride, her mother, and her aunt.

In the guest room assigned to them, Yi Bo was silently admiring his husband and thanking his stars for being so fucking lucky. Zhan looked stunning in his tux, his hair tied in a top knot, like the time they had seen each other again after their separation period. However, circumstances couldn’t be much different.

“Do you need help, baobei?” Yi Bo asked when he watched Zhan struggling with his cufflinks. Those damned Zhou cufflinks were heavy and difficult to put on, and Zhan always struggled with them. Yi Bo marveled in the fact that he was the one that got to watch Zhan put on those cufflinks. It was for his eyes only, an everyday thing that was almost a miracle to him.

“Thank you my love, yes please.” Zhan beamed at him before thanking him with a kiss. They both cherished their little private moments, and today they were more appreciative of them since they were about to be sucked into the whirlwind of people attending Lulu’s wedding. The Intimacy of little things they did for each other was their most cherished thing, it was the complicity of a secret shared only by them that made it all the more special.

For Zhan, Lulu’s wedding was finally a moment of achieving peace of mind. Knowing that Lulu had found true love, that she was immensely happy and completely in love with her fiancé, allowed him to finally put his guilt to rest. Guilt had been a thorn in his side causing a dull throbbing pain in his heart. If he was completely honest, his happiness had been a little lackluster until Lulu broke the news to them.

Her business trip to Korea had resulted in her meeting Woo Do-Hwan, her future husband. Zhan liked the guy very much because he knew, he would go to the moon and back for Lulu. As proof of that, he accepted to go through a huge wedding just for Lulu’s sake. He had confided to Zhan that he would be more than happy to elope, just like Zhan and Yi Bo did during that fateful trip to Vegas.

The fact that Lulu would have not one, but three ceremonies made Zhan’s head spin. His mother and his aunt had insisted on it, and Lulu had not rejected their idea immediately and had eventually agreed on it. There would be a solid week of celebrations, dinners, breakfasts, you name it. The first day was the civil ceremony, where Lulu would wear a white wedding gown designed by Lan Yu, her favorite designer. The next day, they would all be attending the traditional Chinese wedding, and then on the third day, the traditional Korean ceremony would take place. 

*

Zhan was a bit nervous and Yi Bo noticed it. They had been married for almost two years now, and he had learned to distinguish Zhan’s various emotions with little telltale signs. After the emotional breakdown Zhan had gone through, Yi Bo was especially adept to detect any sign of anxiety in his husband. Maybe, he wondered, it was because Hu Ge had RSVP’d for the wedding. 

Hu Ge and Zhan had gotten in touch a year after Yi Bo and Zhan’s wedding and the exchange of emails and instant messages had never stopped since then. Hu Ge had decided to go back to Japan for a year after he let Zhan go and when he came back to China he had met someone. He was now dating that person and seemed to be very happy, which gave Zhan peace of mind. 

Their encounter in the wedding had been awkward at first. Neither Hu Ge nor Zhan knew how to approach each other. It had been Hu Ge’s partner and Yi Bo who carried the conversation at first. Yi Bo had absolutely no ill will towards the older man, it had been Hu Ge who had picked up the pieces and helped Zhan rebuild himself. 

Slowly, their old camaraderie and friendship took over and they were able to talk to each other in the carefree manner they shared before they parted ways. 

Yi Bo and Hu Ge had met serendipitously in the restroom and Yi Bo took the opportunity to approach him.

“I have wanted to talk to you,” Yi Bo approached him, directly.

“Look, if it is about Zhan and my feelings for him…” Hu Ge started, defensively.

“No, it’s not about that. I…I know you are in love with your partner. It shows,” Yi Bo responded, trying to appease Hu Ge.

“Then, what do you want to talk about?” Hu Ge was now truly curious.

“I want to thank you. You were there for him, and I’m in debt to you,” Yi Bo said while bowing respectfully.

A myriad of emotions crossed Hu Ge’s face. He was utterly surprised by Yi Bo’s words, they were totally unexpected. Finally, he regained his voice.

“I must confess I was surprised it was you all along. I never suspected it, and I became very worried. When I heard you had eloped, I was terrified for him, afraid you would hurt him again. But after seeing him today, I’m certain he’s much loved. Please, take care of him. I love him as a friend, he’s very dear to me.”

He didn’t wait for Yi Bo’s response. He nodded to him and left. Yi Bo huffed, feeling somewhat lighter now. Involuntarily, Yi Bo’s mind went back to that morning, when the first rays of light had found him between Zhan’s thighs and he had blurted a spur of the moment proposal that conveyed all his feelings for Zhan.

*

Zhan seemed petrified after hearing Yi Bo’s proposal. For a moment Yi Bo had been afraid he was going too fast for Zhan. Then, a small smile broke on Zhan’s face as he whispered, “yes.”

Yi Bo felt such relief that he visibly sagged, relaxing his body on top of Zhan’s. So when Zhan ran his hand through Yi Bo’s hair and asked, “Can it be today?” Yi Bo propped himself on the bed and answered sincerely.

“I don’t really know. Why don’t we find out?”

They did some quick research online and found out that their wedding ceremony would have to take place the next day, but they were able to apply for a marriage license at the clerk’s office that very day. 

The next day, with an Elvis impersonator as witness, they married. There were no elaborate vows, just heartfelt promises of forever and a soul searing kiss to seal the deal. They didn’t have the presence of mind to buy their rings so they used the ones provided by the chapel. They just wanted to belong to one another as quickly as possible.

Later, when they returned to China and showed the photographs to Zhan’s parents, Zhou Lian smiled, enigmatically. She actually looked proud of them.

“Well,” she said to Yi Bo, ”you actually know how to take a hint. You did well, both of you.” After that, she had dropped the formalities when addressing Yibo, never to be used again. 

“Aren’t you mad?” Zhan asked her, surprised by her reaction. He expected her to throw a fit and preach about losing face, and his position as the Zhou’s family heir.

“Why would I? That was the wedding _you_ chose. Besides, our lives will be easier that way, we won’t have to deal with any opposition now. What is done, is done.” 

They had another discreet ceremony when they served tea for each other’s parents and bowed three times. Nobody outside their families attended at their insistence. 

Madam Wang had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, she wasn’t happy Yi Bo married a man. However, on the other hand, she was ecstatic about the fact that her son married into the Zhou family. So the saying, _‘be careful what you wish for’_ applied to her perfectly.

Yi Bo’s dad didn’t really care much. The wedding solidified their partnership so it was good for business. As for his son’s private life, he had never planned to interfere in it, so he couldn’t care less as long as it was his son’s decision.

*

Lulu was a vision of happiness in her wedding gown. The ceremony went without a hitch and both the bride and the groom looked beautiful and elated. They exchanged rings in front of all their guests and Zhan involuntarily touched his own wedding ring. They still kept the bands that were provided by the chapel in their home, but nowadays they used simple platinum rings that were a gift from Zhan’s parents.

The banquet was magnificent, as it would be expected for a Zhou family wedding. At first, Lulu’s parents had been somewhat reluctant to accept Yi Bo as Zhan’s husband, but after Lulu announced she was madly in love with someone else, they finally let go of the past and embraced him as a member of the family. 

After the three ceremonies were finally completed, everybody was veritably exhausted. Lulu and her husband departed to a month-long honeymoon. While saying their goodbyes, Yi Bo’s memories took him to his own five-day honeymoon, in Tokyo.

*

Yi Bo begged Zhan to go back, he wanted to replace the painful memories Tokyo held for his husband for happy ones. He wanted Zhan to come full circle. It was important for both of them.

They arrived to Narita airport, and a town car took them to Zhan’s apartment in the city. Yi Bo was overwhelmed when he entered the bathroom, a mixture of emotions overtook him and he cried. That was the exact place where he almost lost Zhan forever. Zhan had related everything to him in detail, and Yi Bo was grateful for that. No sugarcoating was needed between them and both of them swore to always speak the absolute truth to each other.

Zhan had been visibly shaken when they visited the hospital where his life was saved. After that, he took Yi Bo to visit the Sakura trees he loved to watch. It was not the time for the Sakura flowers to appear, but he showed Yi Bo some videos he had filmed while he was there.

“It’s so beautiful,” Yi Bo said, “they seem to float in the wind, never reaching the ground.”

“Oh no, they fall for sure. They fall at five centimeters per second,” Zhan explained to him.

“It’s a slow fall,” Yi Bo said.

“Well, relatively slow, but they inexorably fall. They are like me, I didn’t noticed I was falling for you until it was too late,” Zhan replied with a sweet smile on his lips.  
“You are more beautiful than the Sakura flowers, baobei,” Yi Bo told him before kissing him tenderly on the lips. 

They made love with a touch of desperation that night, the realization of how close they had been to being apart forever hit them hard. So, tenderness was left out of the equation as pure desire and raw need overtook their consciousness. The next morning, the marks left on each other’s bodies became a physical reminder of their presence and their love. 

*

They were back to their new home after Lulu and her new husband’s departure. They had been living in Zhan’s bachelor apartment for almost two years when they were in China. They had been traveling back and forth from Shanghai to Taipei to finish the project. The project had been almost completed when Zhan’s mom announced that she intended to give them a house as a late wedding gift.

Zhan had been reluctant to accept, so Madam Zhou just negotiated with Yi Bo. She had found early in their marriage that if she wanted Zhan to do something, she needed to explain it clearly to Yi Bo first. If she provided solid arguments to him, he could convince Zhan more easily.

She had played her cards right when she talked to Yi Bo about kids, and all the space needed for them to grow happy and healthy. So their new home was a large modern house with a huge garden. 

They had moved in just two weeks ago, and were in the process of christening every corner of their home with their love making. They were going through the process methodically. So when Zhan asked, “Are you too tired to reenact our wedding night?” A mischievous smirk appeared on Yi Bo’s face before answering.

“Never,” while throwing himself into Zhan’s arms and peppering his neck with kisses. 

Getting rid of their formal attire they shared kisses and caresses while walking towards their bedroom. It was not an easy task as they bumped into walls and furniture in the process. Leaving a trail of clothes behind them, they finally arrived to their bed almost naked. Yi Bo was biting Zhan’s neck when Zhan told him, “I missed our bed. It was a wise decision to stay at my aunt and uncle’s home for the duration of the wedding, but I missed our home.” 

“You missed the freedom of being vocal and noisy during sex, baobai,” Yi Bo responded with an amused note in his voice.

“Well, that too,” Zhan confessed, shamelessly. 

“I get it,” Yi Bo told him, “I missed it too. I love to hear you call my name.”

“Only your name,” Zhan whispered in a low voice that he knew would arouse Yi Bo even more.

“Only my name, you are mine as I am yours,” Yi Bo groaned, possessively.

“Forever,” Zhan confirmed.

And that was all it took for Yi Bo to start kissing Zhan passionately. Zhan gave him full access to his mouth and Yi Bo took advantage of it using his tongue to swirl around Zhan’s. He kissed Zhan until both their mouths were red and swollen.

He continued his exploration of Zhan’s skin, eliciting moans and quiet sobs from his husband. His tongue trailed down until he reached Zhan’s hardened nipples making him tremble. He kissed one while his thumb and index finger rubbed the other, Zhan’s body thrashed under the sensation overload. His already hard cock reached an almost painful state.

Yi Bo continued his descent to paradise and reached his husband’s belly button. He kissed it while his hands slid off Zhan’s hips and reached his buttocks grabbing them enthusiastically, making Zhan groan.

Zhan’s treasure trail marked Yi Bo’s path to nirvana and he kissed his way through it. Reaching the destination he longed for, he took Zhan’s length in his mouth without any warning. 

His husband’s moans filled the room igniting his passion even more. He bobbed his head at a slow pace, twirling his tongue around the head and taking Zhan in his mouth alternatively. He knew his man well enough to be able to read the signs of his body. Zhan was close, but it was not the right time yet. 

Stopping his ministrations for a moment he reached for the lube, rummaging through the nightstand’s drawer. Once he found it, he coated his finger generously, and he introduced one in Zhan’s hot cavern. Pistoning in, he carefully looked for his sweet spot when his finger was deep inside his husband. Zhan’s body’s reaction let him know when he found it.

Zhan looked overwhelmed by the sensations produced by Yi Bo as he was reduced to a quivering mess. He kept his eyes closed in an attempt to control the merciless assault to his senses. But even then, colorful explosions burst behind his eyes as Yi Bo added another finger and started scissoring them to stretch him. 

Zhan started whimpering, begging Yi Bo to enter him. Now they were not only sensations, but also a devastating need that overtook Zhan’s body. He felt empty, incomplete, reduced to an imploring being.

Still not satisfied, Yi Bo continued preparing him and added a third digit. He knew Zhan needed him desperately, but there was no rush. He wanted to prepare his husband thoroughly since he didn’t want to hurt him. 

“I love you, baobei. You’re almost ready. I adore you, it will take just a minute,” he whispered in his husband’s ear. 

Taking mercy on Zhan, he finally withdrew his fingers and reached for the lube again, coating his length generously he entered his husband in one go. 

The moan that left Zhan’s lips traveled in ripples through Bo’s nerves and reached home in his loins. Zhan was warm and welcoming, encasing Yi Bo perfectly and he knew that he was home. He belonged there, they were both finally complete.

Their rhythm was easily found as always, and soon Yi Bo reached for Zhan’s dick. Their cadence was perfect on both fronts and together they came. Yi Bo filled Zhan completely while Zhan’s dick spurted his load on Yi Bo’s abs. 

It took a while to regain their breath because Yi Bo kept kissing his husband without respite. After they stopped gasping for air, Yi Bo looked into Zhan’s eyes and said, “Baobei, I think we’re ready to talk about having children.”

*

Zhou Lian had been in search of the perfect surrogate mother for her grandchildren for years when Zhan and Yi Bo finally requested her assistance. Yi Bo insisted that Zhan would be the biological father for many practical reasons including who would inherit the Zhou and Xiao family names, but also for a selfish one that he kept to himself, he wanted to take care of a baby that looked like his husband. He, of course, didn’t confide this to anybody.

The artificial insemination process went surprisingly well, and soon enough their surrogate was pregnant with twin boys. Yi Bo was elated, and Zhou Lian, who had accepted Yi Bo as Zhan’s husband a long time ago, accepted him in her heart as her own son when he proposed that the kids should take the Xiao and Zhou last names, selflessly stepping aside of his right to ask for one of them to take his own last name.

Later, Madam Zhou convinced the same surrogate to bear another child, this one fathered by Yi Bo. Their daughter inherited Yi Bo’s eyes and she became Madam Zhou’s favorite grandchild, even though she would have been caught dead before openly confessing that.

Their girl took the Wang last name and became the heir of Yi Bo’s parents. Very often, Madam Zhou would complain about the undeserved luck of some people, obviously referring to Madam Wang and her beautiful, well-mannered granddaughter.

*

Years later, when their daughter would ask how Papa and Baba met, they would looked at each other and blush profusely. Yi Bo would always be the one answering her questions.

“We met on the street. Papa was smoking a cigarette under a lamplight and he looked so irresistibly beautiful that Baba had to approach him.”

“What did you say to him, Baba?” she would always ask.

“I asked him, _can I take a drag?_ ” Yi Bo would tell her countless times.

“Did Papa share the cigarette with you?” she would go on.

“Just the cigarette at first, then his heart.” Yi Bo would always make it sound like a fairy tale for their little girl. 

In a way, it had been a fairy tale for them. How many people in this world get to share their lives with their true love? They were so fucking lucky, and they knew it. 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is [ Woo Do Hwan](https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/02df728560487580ddc390538c7d51e9254a70c37717177cc675ae600faf9357.jpg)
> 
> Happy New Year!


End file.
